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a spade. I have not laid an impious hand upon what some might call their impiety-I have not done so because I firmly believe their apparent lack of reverence is only a matter of form-in spirit these men are more earnest and nearer the deepest truths of life than are many people of “nice sentiments but nasty thoughts.”
I have to acknowledge with thanks the courtesy of Messrs. Chatto and Windus, by whose permission I have been able to use extracts from Mark Twain's “A Tramp Abroad” and “The Stolen White Elephant.”
The Dorchester Giant
or, The Wonderful “ One-
Hans Breitmann's Barty .
Lowell, James Russell.
I. On the Steamer ; II.
The Roman Guide
(Mark Twain, whose real name is Samuel Langhorne Clemens, was born 1835. He is a
prolific writer; his best-known works are “The Innocents Abroad" and "The Innocents at Home," "The New Pilgrim's Progress," "Roughing It," and "A Tramp Abroad.' Besides these he has written a great many short stories and sketches.)
THE ROMAN GUIDE.
From “ The Innocents Abroad." I wish to say one word about Michael Angelo Buonarotti. I used to worship the mighty genius of Michael Angelo—that man who was great in poetry, painting, sculpture, architecture-great in everything he undertook. But I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast—for luncheon—for dinner—for tea—for supper—for between meals. I like a change occasionally. In Genoa he designed everything; in Milan he or his pupils designed every thing; he designed the Lake of Como ; in Padua, Verona, Venice, Bologna, who did we ever hear of, from guides, but Michael Angelo? In Florence he painted everything, designed everything, nearly, and what he did not design he used to sit on a 'favourite stone and look at, and they showed us the stone. In Pisa he designed everything but the old shot-tower, and they would have attributed that to him if it had not been so awfully out of the perpendicular. He designed the piers of Leghorn and the custom-house regulations of Civita Vecchia. But here—here it is frightful. He designed St. Peter's; he designed the Pope; he designed the Pantheon, the uniform of the Pope's soldiers, the Tiber, the Vatican, the Coliseum, the Capitol, the Tarpeian Rock, the Barberini Palace, St. John Lateran, the Campagna, the Appian Way, the Seven Hills, the Baths of Caracalla, the Cláudian Aqueduct, the Cloaca Maxima—the eternal bore designed the Eternal City, and, unless all men and books do lie, he painted everything in it! Dan said the other day to the guide, “Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!”
I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with a blessed peace, as I did yesterday, when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead. But we have taken it out of this guide.
He has marched us through miles of pictures and sculpture in the vast corridors of the Vatican; and through miles of pictures and sculpture in twenty other places; he has shown us the great picture in the Sistine Chapel, and frescoes enough to fresco the heavens-pretty much all done by Michael Angelo. So with him we have played that game which has vanquished so many guides for us—imbecility and idiotic questions. These creatures never suspect ; they have no idea of a sarcasm.
He shows us a figure and says: "Statoo brunzo." (Bronze statue.) We look at it indifferently, and the doctor asks : “By Michael Angelo ?” “No-not know who.” Then he shows us the ancient Roman Forum. The doctor asks: "Michael Angelo?” A stare from the guide. “No—thousan' year before he is born !” Then an Egyptian obelisk. Again : “Michael Angelo ?” “Oh, mon Dieu, genteelmen! Zis is two thousan' year before he is born !"
He grows so tired of that unceasing question sometimes, that he dreads to show us anything at all. The wretch has tried all the ways he can think of to make us comprehend that Michael Angelo is only responsible for the creation of a part of the world, but somehow he has not succeeded yet. Relief for overtasked eyes and brain from study and sight-seeing is necessary, or we shall become idiotic sure enough. Therefore this guide must continue to suffer. If he does not enjoy it so much the worse for him. We do.
In this place I may as well jot down a chapter concerning