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dom and comfort in prayer, several times; and especially had some rising hopes of Zion's enlargement and prosperity. Oh, how refreshing were these hopes to my soul! Oh that the kingdom of the dear Lord might come. Oh that the poor Indians might quickly be gathered in, in great numbers!
Tuesday, April 22. My mind was remarkably free, this day, from melancholy damps and glooms, and animated in my work. I found such fresh vigour and resolution in the service of God, that the mountains seemed to become a plain before me. Oh, blessed be God for an interval of refreshment, and fervent resolution in my Lord's work! In the evening, my soul was refreshed in secret prayer, and my heart drawn out for divine blessings; especially for the church of God, and his interest among my own people, and for dear friends in remote places. Oh that Zion might prosper, and precious souls be brought home to God!
In this comfortable, fervent frame of mind he remained the two next days. For the four days next following, viz. Friday, Saturday, Lord's day, and Monday, see his public journal.-On Tuesday he went to Elisabeth-Town, to attend the meeting of the Presbytery there: and seemed to spend the time, while absent from his people on this occasion, in a free and comfo:table state of mind.
Saturday, May 3. Rode from Elisabeth-Town home to my people, at or near Cranberry; whither they are now removed, and where, I hope, God will settle them as a Christian congregation. Was refreshed in lifting up my heart to God, while riding; and enjoyed a thankful frame of spirit, for divine favours received the week past. Was somewhat uneasy and dejected, in the evening; having no house of my own to go into in this place: but God was my support.
For Lord's day and Monday, see the public journal.
Tuesday, May 6. Enjoyed some spirit and courage in my work; was in a good measure free from melancholy blessed be God for freedom from this death.
Wednesday, May 7. Spent most of the day in writing, as usual. Enjoyed some freedom in my work. Was favoured with some comfortable meditations, this day. In the evening, was in a sweet composed frame of mind; was pleased and delighted to leave all with God, respecting myself, for time and eternity, and respecting the people of my charge, and dear friends. Had no doubt but that God would take care of me, and of his own interest among my people; and was enabled to
use freedom in praver, as a child with a tender father. Oh, how sweet is such a frame!
Thursday, May 8. In the evening, was somewhat refreshed with divine things, and enjoyed a tender melting frame in secret prayer, wherein my soul was drawn out for the interest of Zion, and comforted with the lively hope of the appearing of the kingdom of the great Redeemer. These were sweet moments: I felt almost loth to go to bed, and grieved that sleep was necessary. However, I lay down with a tender reverential fear of God, sensible that "his favour is life," and his smiles better than all that earth can boast of, infinitely better than life itself.
Friday, May 9. See the public journal.
Saturday, May 10. Rode to Allen's-Town, to assist in the administration of the Lord's supper. In the afternoon, preached from Tit. ii. 14. Who gave himself for us, &c. God was pleased to carry me through with some competency of freedom and yet to deny me that enlargement and power I longed for. In the evening, my soul mourned, and could not but mourn, that I had treated so excellent a subject in so defective a manner; that I had borne so broken a testimony for so worthy and glorious a Redeemer. And if my discourse had met with the utmost applause from all the world, (as I accidently heard it applauded by some persons of judgment,) it would not have given me any satisfaction. Oh, it grieved me to think, that I had had no more holy warmth and fervency, that I had been no more melted in discoursing of Christ's death, and the end and design of it! Afterwards, enjoyed some freedom and fervency in secret and family prayer, and longed much for the presence of God to attend his word and ordinances the next day.
Lord's day, May 11. Assisted in the administration of the Lord's supper; but enjoyed little enlargement: was grieved and sunk with some things I thought undesirable, &c. In the afternoon, went to the house of God weak and sick in soul, as well as feeble in body and longed, that the people might be entertained and edified with divine truths, and that an honest fervent testimony might be borne for God; but knew not how it was possible for me to do any thing of that kind, to any good purpose. Yet God, who is rich in mercy, was pleased to give me assistance, both in prayer and preaching. God helped me to wrestle for his presence, in prayer, and to tell
him, that he had promised, "Where two or three are met together in his name, there he would be in the midst of them;" and that we were, at least some of us, so met; and pleaded, that for his truth's sake he would be with us. And blessed be God, it was sweet to my soul, thus to plead, and rely on God's promises. Discoursed upon Luke ix. 30, 31. "And behold, there talked with him two men, which were Moses and Elias; who appeared in glory, and spake of his decease, which he should accomplish at Jerusalem." Enjoyed special freedom, from the beginning to the end of my discourse, without interruption. Things pertinent to the subject were abundantly presented to my view; and such a fulness of matter, that I scarce knew how to dismiss the various heads and particulars I had occasion to touch upon. And, blessed be the Lord, I was favoured with some fervency and power, as well as freedom; so that the word of God seemed to awaken the attention of a stupid audience, to a considerable degree. I was inwardly refreshed with the consolations of God; and could with my whole heart say, "Though there be no fruit in the vine, &c. yet will I rejoice in the Lord." After public service, was refreshed with the sweet conversation of some Christian friends.
The four next days seem to have been mostly spent with spiritual com. fort and profit.
Friday, May 16. Near night, enjoyed some agreeable and sweet conversation with a dear minister, which, I trust, was blessed to my soul. My heart was warmed, and my soul engaged to live to God; so that I longed to exert myself with more vigour, then ever I had done, in his cause: and those words were quickening to me, "Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bring forth much fruit." Oh, my soul longed, and wished, and prayed, to be enabled to live to God with utmost constancy and ardour! In the evening, God was pleased to shine upon me in secret prayer, and draw out my soul after himself; and I had freedom in supplication for myself, but much more in intercession for others: so that I was sweetly constrained to say, "Lord, use me as thou wilt; do as thou wilt with me: but Oh, promote thine own cause! Zion is thine; Oh visit thine heritage! Let thy kingdom come! Oh let thy blessed interest be advanced in the world!" When I attempted to look to God, respecting my wordly circumstances, and his providential dealings with me, in regard of my settling down in my congregation, which seems to be neces VOL. III.
sary, and yet very difficult, and contrary to my fixed inten tion for years past, as well as my disposition-which has been, and still is, at times especially, to go forth, and spend my life in preaching the gospel from place to place, and gathering souls afar off to JESUS the great Redeemer-I could only say, "The will of the Lord be done: it is no matter for me." The same frame of mind I felt with respect to another important affair I have lately had some serious thoughts of: I could say, with utmost calmness and composure, "Lord, if it be most for thy glory, let me proceed in it; but if thou seest that it will in any wise hinder my usefulness, in thy cause, Oh prevent my proceeding for all I want, respecting this world, is such circumstances as may best capacitate me to do service for God in the world." But blessed be God, I enjoyed liberty in prayer for my dear flock, and was enabled to pour out my soul into the bosom of a tender Father: my heart within me was melted, when I came to plead for my dear people, and for the kingdom of Christ in general. Oh, how sweet was this evening to my soul! I knew not how to go to bed; and when got to bed, longed for some way to improve time for God, to some excellent purpose. Bless the Lord, O my soul.
Saturday, May 17. Walked out in the morning, and felt much of the same frame I enjoyed the evening before: had my heart enlarged in praying for the advancement of the kingdom of Christ, and found the utmost freedom in leaving all my concerns with God.
I find discouragement to be an exceeding hindrance to my spiritual fervency and affection: but when God enables me sensibly to find that I have done something for him, this refreshes and animates me, so that I could break through all hardships, undergo any labours, and nothing seems too much either to do or to suffer. But Oh, what a death it is, to strive, and strive; to be always in a hurry, and yet do nothing, or at least nothing for GOD! Alas, alas, that time flies away, and I do so little for God!
Lord's day, May 18. I felt my own utter insufficiency for my work: God made me to see, that I was a child; yea, that I was a fool. I discoursed, both parts of the day, from Rev. iii. 20. Behold, I stand at the door, and knock." God gave me freedom and power in the latter part of my forenoon's discourse: although, in the former part of it, I felt peevish and provoked with the unmannerly behaviour of the white people, who crouded in between my people and me; which proved a great temptation to me. But blessed be God, I got
these shackles off before the middle of my discourse, and was favoured with a sweet frame of spirit in the latter part of the exercise; was full of love, warmth, and tenderness, in addressing my dear people.-In the intermission-season, could not but discourse to my people on the kindness and patience of Christ in standing and knocking at the door, &c.--In the evening, I was grieved, that I had done so little for God. Oh that I could be a flame of fire in the service of my God!
Monday, May 19. See the public journal -On Tuesday, he complains of want of freedom and comfort; but had some return of these on Wednesday.
Thursday, May 22. In the evening, was in a frame somewhat remarkable: had apprehended for several days before, that it was the design of providence I should settle among my people here; and had in my own mind begun to make provision for it, and to contrive means to hasten it; and found my heart something engaged in it, hoping I might then enjoy more agreeable circumstances of life, in several respects and yet was never fully determined, never quite pleased with the thoughts of being settled and confined to one place. Nevertheless I seemed to have some freedom in that respect, because the congregation I thought of settling with, was one that God had enabled me to gather from amongst Pagans. For I never, since I began to preach, could feel any freedom to "enter into other men's labours," and settle down in the ministry where the "gospel was preached before." I never could make that appear to be my province: when I felt any disposition to consult my ease and wordly comfort, God has never given me any liberty in that respect, either since, or for some years before I began to preach. But God having succeeded my labours, and made me instrumental in gathering a church for him among these Indians, I was ready to think, it might be his design to give me a quiet settlement and a stated home of my own. And this, considering the late frequent sinking and failure of my spirits, and the need I stood in of some agreeable society, and my great desire of enjoying conveniencies and opportunities for profitable studies, was not altogether disagreeable to me. Although I still wanted to go about far and wide, in order to spread the blessed gospel among benighted souis, far remote; yet I never had been so willing to settle in any one place, for more than five years past, as I was in the foregoing part of this week. But now these thoughts seemed to be wholly dashed to pieces; not by necessity, but of choice: for it appeared to me, that God's dealings towards me had fitted me for a life of