THE APPLE DUMPLINGS AND GEORGE THE THIRD.

ONCE in the chase, this monarch drooping,

From his high consequence and wisdom stooping,
Entered, through curiosity, a cot,

Where an old crone was hanging on the pot;
The wrinkled, blear-eyed, good old granny,
In this same cot, illumed by many a cranny,
Had apple-dumplings ready for the pot;
In tempting row the naked dumplings lay,
When lo! the monarch, in his usual way,

-WOLCOTT.

Like lightning asked, "What's here? what's here? what? what? what? what?"

Then taking up a dumpling in his hand,

His eyes with admiration did expand

And oft did majesty the dumpling grapple ;

"'Tis monstrous, monstrous, monstrous hard," he cried;
"What makes the thing so hard?" The dame replied,
Low courtesying, "Please your majesty the apple."
"Very astonishing indeed! strange thing !"
(Turning the dumpling round) rejoined the king,
"'T is most extraordinary now, all this is—
It beats the conjurer's capers all to pieces-
Strange I should never of a dumpling dream-
But Goody, tell me, where, where, where's the seam ?"
"Sire, there's no seam," quoth she, "I never knew
That folks did apple-dumplings sew!"-

"No!" cried the staring monarch with a grin,
“Then, where, where, where, pray, got the apple in ?”

AMERICAN ARISTOCRACY.-J. G. SAXE.

Of all the notable things on earth,
The queerest one is pride of birth
Among our "fierce democracy !"

A bridge across a hundred years,
Without a prop to save it from sneers,
Not even a couple of rotten peers—
A thing for laughter, fleers and jeers,
Is American aristocracy!

English and Irish, French and Spanish,
Germans, Italians, Dutch and Danish,
Crossing their veins until they vanish
In one conglomeration !

So subtle a tinge of blood, indeed,
No Heraldry Harvey will ever succeed
In finding the circulation.

Depend upon it, my snobbish friend,
Your family thread you can't ascend,
Without good reason to apprehend
You may find it waxed at the other end
By some plebeian vocation!
Or, worse than that, your boasted line
May end in a loop of stronger twine,
That plagued some worthy relation !

JACK AT ALL TRADES.-ANON.

CALEB QUOTEM, MRS. QUOTEM AND DICK.

Quotem. Wife! where are you? Mrs. Quotem, I say! look to the shop! Silence in the school, there. Be good boysmind your writing and cyphering, I'm coming in directly. Here, Dick! Dick Drudge, where are you?

Dick. Here, sir.

Quot. Come here, then, as the poet says. What have you been doing these four hours?

Dick. As you ordered me, sir. After helping you to chime the bells for prayers, I drove out the dogs and boys playing in the church-yard.-While you were singing psalms, I carried

the drugs and drenching-horn to old Leach, the farrier. Coming back, I met the vicar, who bade me run to Ben the barber, for his best wig, as he was going to the wedding-dinner. Quot. A good lad; try to please everybody.

Dick. I do sir. I thrashed young Master Jackey just now, handsomely.

Quot. For what?

Dick. He was making fun, sir, of Blind Bob, the fiddler, who comes to our shop for a hap' worth of rosin.

Quot. Oh, he mustn't offend a customer. Well, what else? as the poet says.

Dick. Why, sir, I filled the drawer with yellow-ochre, ground the green paint, bottled the red ink, blacked the shoes, and whitewashed the chimney-corner.

Quot. Talking of whitewashing, puts me in mind of Swilltub, the great brewer, now a bankrupt-has he sent for the hand-bills we printed?

Dick. Yes sir; and desired you to put a new light into his dark lantern! A job for you, too, in the glazing line, over the way, at the public house.-Sam Solid, dead drunk, turning round, broke three squares of the bow window.

Quot. That must wait till to-morrow. Have you mixed up the medicine for the mad Methodist parson?

Dick. Yes sir, but there's no more bark.

Quot. Talking of bark, puts me in mind of my little terrier dog-have you fed him?

Dick. Oh, yes, a terrible good one for vermin—he'll kill all the rats in the parish.

Quot. Oh, hang it, then kill him, or he 'll hurt the sale of arsenic.

Dick. Ecod, right master-we sell as much poison as all the doctors in the parish.

Quot. Talking of poison, have you taken the last new novel out of the girls' school-room? as the poet says.

Dick. Yes sir, dang it, I wonder how you spare your time for poets and books-so much business! but there—you be often painting and writing poetry at the same time.

Yes

Quot. Poetry and painting are nearly the same thing, Dick. Dick. That be what I thought myself; so, as I mixed up colors for one, I'd a mind to try my hand at the other. terday, I set to, with a bit of chalk, and got on famously. I finished the first line in a crack, but when I got to the end of the second, I could not think of a rhyme, and so I—stuck fast. Quot. (Aside.) Confound the fellow, if he takes to poetry, I shall get no work done. Don't try again, Dick-one poet's enough in a family.

Duck. That be what mistress do say, sir. She complaina that poetry has spoiled you! and that you don't do half what you used to do.

Quot. She's mistaken I only change about-don't stick so much to the same job. Now, Dick, for business. You've done all the jobs I set you about?

Dick. Yes sir, you may be certain of that.

Quot. Why, I believe you're pretty punctual, tho' not always so expeditious as I could wish. Sure, though somewhat slow, as Swift says.

Dick. Oh, you may depend upon me.

Quot. Did you run with the articles I wrapt up this morning?

Dick. Odd rabbit it, no-I quite forgot. Here they be. (Brings forward two parcels.) What's this? (reads.) For— Dang it, sir, I can't well make out the directions-you wrote in such a hurry.*

Quot No! mine's a good running hand.

Dick. Running! I think it be galloping, the letters seem to scamper away from one another so fast, there's no catching them.

Quot. Let me see; that's for Squire Fudge-this for the attorney's clerk in the next street.'

Dick. Squire Fudge! Oh, the old married his smart young housekeeper.

sir?

gentleman who lately

What be the articles,

Quot. Essence of hartshorn, a pair of spectacles, and a quire of large foolscap

Dick. For old Fudge?

Quot. And quizzing-glass for the attorney's clerk.

Dick. I'll go with them directly, and when I come back take my lunch. Bless me, sir, our beer do want drinking sadly, it be gitting sour.

Quot. Talking of what's sour, where 's your mistress?

Dick. Busy among her scholars in the house.

Quot. Right! let her stay there; she's in, and I'm out, as Ovid says. Take my apron-I'm off. As to my wifeDick. Hush! she 'll hear you and be angry.

Quot. Nonsense! who rules? Am not I (as Milton says) "Cock of the walk?" Get you gone, and haste back, as I am going out soon I've peeped into the school.

Dick. I am afraid the boys will play the deuce when they find you're from home; what am I to do?

Quot. Flog 'em all round.

Dick. I will, sir; I've put a new rod in pickle on purpose. (Exit.

Quot. Now go I to make a bold push for a fresh customer, as Cowley says. Busy day! a wedding this morning-andtalking of wedding, puts me in mind of a christening! Festival, too, in the next parish! fine fun going on-bull-baiting, boxing, and backsword-jumping in sacks, grinning match and donkey race! I promised to meet the change-ringershope I shall be in time just to take a touch at the triplebobs, as the poet says.

LOOK AT THE CLOCK-INGOLDSBY LEGENDS.

"Look at the clock !" quoth Winifred Pryce,
As she open'd the door to her husband's knock,
Then paus'd to give him a piece of advice,
"You nasty Warmint, look at the Clock!
Is this the way, you

Wretch, every day you

Treat her who vow'd to love and obey you?