to say for himself; therefore, I shall come to the point at once, at once and immediately I shall come to the point. My client was in liquor-the liquor in him having served an ejectment upon his understanding, common sense was non-suited, and he was a man beside himself, or, as Doctor Biblicus declares, in his dissertation upon bumpers in the one hundreth and thirtyninth folio volume of the abridgment of the statutes, page one thousand two hundred and eighty-six, that a drunken man is a homo duplicans, or a double man-not only because he sees things double, but, also, because he is not as he should be, "perfecto ipse "but is as he should not be," defecto tipse." The counsel for the cook-maid rose up gracefully, playing with his ruffles prettily, and tossing the ties of his wig about emphatically. He began with "My lud, and gentlemen of the jury-I humbly do conceive, I have the authority to declare that I am counsel in this case for the defendant-therefore, my lud, I shall not flourish away in words;-words are no more than fill agree works; some people may think them an embellishment; but to me, it is a matter of astonishment, how any one can be so impertinent to use them to the detriment of all rudiments; but, my lud this is not to be looked at through the medium of right and wrong; for the law knows no medium, and right and wrong are but mere shadows. Now, in the first place, they have called a kitchen, my client's premises.Now, a kitchen is nobody's premises ;-a kitchen is not a warehouse a wash-house, a brewhouse, an outhouse-or an inhouse-nor a dwellinghouse-nor any house;-no my lud, 'tis absolutely and bona fide neither more nor less than a kitchen, or, as the law more classically expresses it-a kitchen is, camera necessaria pro usos cookare; cum sauce-panis, stew-panis, scullero,-dressero,- coalholo, sto vis-smoakjacko, pro roastandum-boilandum-fryandum, et plum-pudding mixandum; pro turtle supos, calves head hashibus, cum calippe et caliphashibus. Moreover, we shall not avail ourselves of an alibi, but admit the existence of a cook-maid. Now, my lud, we shall take a new ground, and beg a new trial-for as they have curtailed our name in their pleadings from plain Mary into Moll, I hope the court will not allow of this-for if the court were to allow mistakes, what would become of the law-although where there are no mistakes it is clearly the business of the law. to make them. Therefore, The court, after due consideration, granted the parties a new trial; for the law is our liberty, and happy it is for us, that we have the privilege of going to law. TO DANCE, OR NOT TO DANCE-A PARODY.-ANON. To dance, or not to dance-that is the question. Pinching his fingers; for who else would bear THE NEWCASTLE APOTHECARY.-ANON. A MAN in many a country town we know, Arm'd with a mortar and a pestle. With all the love and kindness of a brother; So (many a suffering patient saith) Though the apothecary fights with death, Still they're sworn friends with one another. A member of this Esculapian race Liv'd in Newcastle-upon-Tyne; No man could better gild a pill, Or mix a draught, or bleed, or blister; Of occupations these were quantum suff. Benjamin Bolus, tho' in trade, Which oftentimes will genius flatter Read works of fancy, it is said, And cultivated the belles lettres. And why should this be thought so odd? Apollo patronizes physic. Bolus lov'd verse, and took so much delight in 't, Of writing the directions on his labels, Or rather like the lines in Hudibras. He had a patient lying at death's door, Some three miles from the town-it might be fourTo whom, one evening, Bolus sent an article In pharmacy, that's called cathartical; And on the label of the stuff, He wrote verse, Which, one would think, was clear enougn And terse:— "When taken, To be well shaken." Next morning, early, Bolus rose, Who a vile trick of stumbling had. For what's expected of a horse With an apothecary upon his back? Are given by gentlemen who teach to dance One loud, and then a little one behind, The servant lets him in with dismal face, Portending some disaster; John's countenance as rueful look'd and grim, Well, how's the patient?" Bolus said: "Indeed!-hum!-ha!-that's very odd! "What! shake a patient, man!—a shake won't do." "Two shakes! Foul nurse, "Twould make the patient worse!" "It did so, sir—and so a third we tried." “Well, and what then?"" Then, sir, my master died!” TRUTH IN PARENTHESIS.-HOOD. I REALLY take it very kind- I have not seen you such an age (The wretch has come to dinner!) (And give it, p'rhaps, the measles!) |