Long 'z ye give out commissions to a lot o' peddlin' drones Thet trade in whiskey with their men an' skin 'em to their bones, Long 'z ye sift out "safe" canderdates thet no one ain't afeard on Coz they're so thund'rin' eminent for bein' never heard on, An' hain't no record, ez it's called, for folks to pick a hole in, Ez ef it hurt a man to hev a body with a soul in, An' it wuz ostentashun to be showin' on 't about, When half his feller-citizens contrive to du with out, Long 'z you suppose your votes can turn biled kebbage into brain, An' ary man thet 's pop'lar 's fit to drive a lightnin'-train, Long 'z you believe democracy means I'm ez good ez you be, An' that a feller from the ranks can't be a knave or booby, Long 'z Congress seems purvided, like yer streetcars an' yer 'busses, With ollers room for jes' one more o' your spiledin-bakin' cusses, Dough 'thout the emptins of a soul, an' yit with means about 'em (Like essence-peddlers 1) thet 'll make folks long to be without 'em, 1 A rustic euphemism for the American variety of the Mephitis. H. W. Jes heavy 'nough to turn a scale thet 's doubtfle the wrong way, An' make their nat'ral arsenal o' bein' nasty pay, Long 'z them things last, (an' I don't see no gret signs of improvin',) I sha'n't up stakes, not hardly yit, nor 't would n't pay for movin'; For, 'fore you lick us, it'll be the long'st day ever you see. Yourn, (ez I 'xpec' to be nex' spring,) B., MARKISS O' BIG BOOSY. No. IV. A MESSAGE OF JEFF DAVIS IN SECRET SESSION Conjecturally reported by H. BIGLOW TO THE EDITORS OF THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY JAALAM, 10th March, 1862. GENTLEMEN,- My leisure has been so entirely occupied with the hitherto fruitless endeavour to decypher the Runick inscription whose fortunate discovery I mentioned in my last communication, that I have not found time to discuss, as I had intended, the great problem of what we are to do with slavery, a topick on which the publick mind in this place is at present more than ever agitated. What my wishes and hopes are I need not say, but for safe conclusions I do not conceive that we are yet in possession of facts enough on which to bottom them with certainty. Acknowledging the hand of Providence, as I do, in all events, I am sometimes inclined to think that they are wiser than we, and am willing to wait till we have made this continent once more a place where freemen can live in security and honour, before assuming any further responsibility. This is the view taken by my neighbour Habakkuk Sloansure, Esq., the president of our bank, whose opinion in the practical affairs of life has great weight with me, as I have generally found it to be justified by the event, and whose counsel, had I followed it, would have saved me from an unfortunate investment of a considerable part of the painful economies of half a century in the Northwest-Passage Tunnel. After a somewhat animated discussion with this gentleman, a few days since, I expanded, on the audi alteram partem principle, something which he happened to say by way of illustration, into the following fable. FESTINA LENTE. Once on a time there was a pool Alders the creaking redwings sink on, The watering-place of summer frog, Now in this Abbey of Theleme, To call a meeting there and then. "Some kind of steps," they said, “are needed; They don't come on so fast as we did : Let's dock their tails; if that don't make 'em Old croakers, deacons of the mire, Uk! Uk! Caronk! with bass that might Shook nobby heads, and said, "No go! But vain was all their hoarsest bass, "Lord knows," protest the polliwogs, Pray, wait awhile, until you know "No," piped the party of reform, "All great results are ta'en by storm; No more the Future's promise mock, The thing was done, the tails were cropped, And wait the beautiful result. Too soon it came; our pool, so long The theme of patriot bull-frog's song, Next day was reeking, fit to smother, With heads and tails that missed each other, Here snoutless tails, there tailless snouts; The only gainers were the pouts. MORAL. From lower to the higher next, Not to the top, is Nature's text; And embryo Good, to reach full stature, |