court, where there is no precedent for a jest in any record not even in doomsday-book; to discompose the gravity of the bench, and provoke naughty interrogatories in more naughty law Latin; while the good judge, tickled with the proceeding, simpers under a grey beard, and fidges off and on his cushion as if he had swallowed cantharides, or sat upon cow-itch !—

Lady Wish. Oh, 'tis very hard!

Mar. And then to have my young revellers of the Temple take notes, like 'prentices at a conventicle; and after talk it over again in commons, or before drawers in an eating-house.

Lady Wish. Worse and worse!

Mar. Nay, this is nothing; if it would end here 'twere well. But it must, after this, be consigned by the short-hand writers to the public press; and from thence be transferred to the hands, nay into the throats and lungs of hawkers, with voices more licentious than the loud flounder-man's and this you must hear till you are stunned; nay, you must hear nothing else for some days.

Lady Wish. Oh, 'tis insupportable! No, no, dear friend, make it up, make it up; ay, ay, I'll compound. I'll give up all, myself and my all, my niece and her all-anything, everything for composition.

Mar. Nay, madam, I advise nothing, I only lay before you, as a friend, the inconveniences which perhaps you have overseen. Here comes Mr. Fainall; if he will be satisfied to huddle up all in silence, I shall be glad. You must think I would rather congratulate than condole with you.

Fain. Well, madam; I have suffered myself to be overcome by the importunity of this lady your friend; and am content you shall enjoy your own proper estate during life, on condition you oblige yourself never to marry, under such penalty as I think convenient.

Lady Wish. Never to marry!

Fain. No more sir Rowlands ;-the next imposture may not be so timely detected.

Mar. That condition, I dare answer, my lady will consent to without difficulty; she has already but too much experienced the perfidiousness of men. Besides, madam, when we retire to our pastoral solitude we shall bid adieu to all other thoughts. Lady Wish. Ay, that's true; but in case of necessity, as of health, or some such emergency—

Fain. Oh, if you are prescribed marriage, you shall be considered; I will only reserve to myself the power to choose for you. If your physic be wholesome, it matters not who is your apothecary. Next, my wife shall settle on me the remainder of her fortune, not made over already; and for her maintenance depend entirely on my discretion.

Lady Wish. This is most inhumanly savage; exceeding the barbarity of a Muscovite husband.

Fain. I learned it from his Czarish majesty's retinue, in a winter evening's conference over brandy and pepper, amongst other secrets of matrimony and policy, as they are at present practised in the northern hemisphere. But this must be

agreed unto, and that positively. Lastly, I will be endowed, in right of my wife, with that six thousand pounds, which is the moiety of Mrs. Millamant's fortune in your possession; and which she has forfeited (as will appear by the last will and testament of your deceased husband, sir Jonathan Wishfort) by her disobedience in contracting herself against your consent or knowledge; and by refusing the offered match with sir Wilfull Witwoud, which you, like a careful aunt, had provided for her. Lady Wish. My nephew was non compos, and could not make his addresses.

Fain. I come to make demands-I'll hear no objections.

Lady Wish. You will grant me time to consider?

Fain. Yes, while the instrument is drawing, to which you must set your hand till more sufficient deeds can be perfected: which I will take care shall be done with all possible speed. In the meanwhile I'll go for the said instrument, and till my return you may balance this matter in your own discretion.

SCENE VII.

Lady WISHFORT and Mrs. Marwood,

Lady Wish. This insolence is beyond all precedent, all parallel; must I be subject to this merciless villain?

Mar. 'Tis severe indeed, madam, that you should smart for your daughter's wantonness.

Lady Wish. 'Twas against my consent that she married this barbarian, but she would have him, though her year was not out.-Ah! her first husband, my son Languish, would not have carried it thus. Well, that was my choice, this is hers; she is matched now with a witness.-I shall be mad! Dear friend, is there no comfort for me? must I live to be confiscated at this rebel-rate? - Here come two more of my Egyptian plagues too.

SCENE VIII.

Lady WISHFORT, Mrs. MARWOOD, MILLAMANT, and Sir WILFULL WITWOUD.

Sir Wil. Aunt, your servant. Lady Wish. Out caterpillar, call not me aunt! I know thee not!

Sir Wil. I confess I have been a little in disguise, as they say.-S'heart! and I'm sorry for't. What would you have? I hope I have committed no offence, aunt-and if I did I am willing to make satisfaction; and what can a man say fairer? If I have broke anything I'll pay for't, an it cost a pound. And so let that content for what's past, and make no more words. For what's to come, to pleasure you I'm willing to marry my cousin. So pray let's all be friends, she and I are agreed upon the matter before a witness.

Lady Wish. How's this, dear niece? have I any comfort? can this be true?

Mil. I am content to be a sacrifice to your repose, madam; and to convince you that I had no hand in the plot, as you were misinformed, I have laid my commands on Mirabell to come in person, and be a witness that I give my hand to this flower of knighthood: and for the contract that passed

between Mirabell and me, I have obliged him to make a resignation of it in your ladyship's presence; he is without, and waits your leave for admittance.

Lady Wish. Well, I'll swear I am something revived at this testimony of your obedience; but I cannot admit that traitor.-I fear I cannot fortify myself to support his appearance. He is as terrible to me as a gorgon; if I see him I fear I shall turn, to stone, and petrify incessantly.

Mil. If you disoblige him, he may resent your refusal, and insist upon the contract still. Then 'tis the last time he will be offensive to you.

Lady Wish. Are you sure it will be the last time? If I were sure of that-shall I never see him again?

Mil. Sir Wilfull, you and he are to travel together, are you not?

Sir Wil. S'heart, the gentleman's a civil gentleman, aunt, let him come in; why, we are sworn brothers and fellow-travellers. We are to be Pylades and Orestes, he and I.-He is to be my interpreter in foreign parts. He has been overseas once already; and with proviso that I marry my cousin, will cross 'em once again, only to bear me company.-S'heart, I'll call him in,-an I set on't once, he shall come in; and see who'll hinder him. [Goes to the door and hems.

Mar. This is precious fooling, if it would pass ; but I'll know the bottom of it.

Lady Wish. O dear Marwood, you are not going?

Mar. Not far, madam; I'll return immediately.

SCENE IX.

Lady WISHFORT, MILLAMANT, Sir WILFULL, and

MIRABELL.

Sir Wil. Look up, man, I'll stand by you; 'sbud an she do frown, she can't kill you ;-besides -harkee, she dare not frown desperately, because her face is none of her own. S'heart, an she should, her forehead would wrinkle like the coat of a cream cheese; but mum for that, fellow-traveller.

Mir. If a deep sense of the many injuries I have offered to so good a lady, with a sincere remorse, and a hearty contrition, can but obtain the least glance of compassion, I am too happy.-Ah, madam, there was a time !-but let it be forgotten-I confess I have deservedly forfeited the high place I once held of sighing at your feet. Nay, kill me not, by turning from me in disdain.-I come not to plead for favour;-nay, not for pardon; I am a suppliant only for pity-I am going where I never shall behold you more

Sir Wil. How, fellow-traveller! you shall go by yourself then.

Mir. Let me be pitied first, and afterwards forgotten. I ask no more.

Sir Wil. By'r Lady, a very reasonable request, and will cost you nothing, aunt! Come, come, forgive and forget, aunt; why you must an you are a Christian.

Mir. Consider, madam, in reality, you could not receive much prejudice; it was an innocent device; though I confess it had a face of guiltiness,-it was at most an artifice which love contrived ;-and errors which love produces have ever been accounted venial. At least think it is punishment enough, hat I have lost what in my heart I hold most dear,

that to your cruel indignation I have offered up this beauty, and with her my peace and quiet; nay, al my hopes of future comfort.

Sir Wil. An he does not move me, would I may never be o' the quorum!-an it were not as good a deed as to drink, to give her to him again, I would I might never take shipping-Aunt, if you don't forgive quickly, I shall melt, I can tell you that. My contract went no farther than a little mouthglue, and that's hardly dry;-one doleful sigh more from my fellow-traveller, and 'tis dissolved.

Lady Wish. Well, nephew, upon your account -Ah, he has a false insinuating tongue!-Well, sir, I will stifle my just resentment at my nephew's request. I will endeavour what I can to forget,-but on proviso that you resign the contract with my niece immediately.

Mir. It is in writing, and with papers of concern ; but I have sent my servant for it, and will deliver it to you, with all acknowledgments for your transcendent goodness.

Lady Wish.-[Aside.] Oh, he has witchcraft in his eyes and tongue !-When I did not see him, I could have bribed a villain to his assassination; but his appearance rakes the embers which have so long lain smothered in my breast.

SCENE X.

Lady WISHFORT, MILLAMANT, Sir WILFULL, MIRABELL, FAINALL, and Mrs. MARWOOD.

Fain. Your date of deliberation, madam, is expired. Here is the instrument; are you prepared to sign?

Lady Wish. If I were prepared, I am not impowered. My niece exerts a lawful claim, having matched herself by my direction to sir Wilfull.

Fain. That sham is too gross to pass on methough 'tis imposed on you, madam.

Mil. Sir, I have given my consent.

Mir. And, sir, I have resigned my pretensions. Sir Wil. And, sir, I assert my right; and will maintain it in defiance of you, sir, and of your instrument. S'heart, an you talk of an instrument, sir, I have an old fox by my thigh shall hack your instrument of ram vellum to shreds, sir!-it shall not be sufficient for a mittimus or a tailor's

measure. Therefore withdraw your instrument, sir, or, by'r Lady, I shall draw mine.

Lady Wish. Hold, nephew, hold!

Mil. Good sir Wilfull, respite your valour.

Fain. Indeed! Are you provided of your guard, with your single beef-eater there? but I'm prepared for you, and insist upon my first proposal. You shall submit your own estate to my management, and absolutely make over my wife's to my sole use, as pursuant to the purport and tenor of this other covenant.-I suppose, madam, your consent is not requisite in this case; nor, Mr. Mirabell, your resignation; nor, sir Wilfull, your right. You may draw your fox if you please, sir, and make a bear-garden flourish somewhere else; for here it will not avail. This, my lady Wishfort, must be subscribed, or your darling daughter's turned adrift, like a leaky hulk, to sink or swim, as she and the current of this lewd town can agree.

Lady Wish. Is there no means, no remedy to stop my ruin ? Ungrateful wretch! dost thou

not owe thy being, thy subsistence, to my daughter's fortune?

Fain. I'll answer you when I have the rest of it in my possession.

Mir. But that you would not accept of a remedy from my hands-I own I have not deserved you should owe any obligation to me; or else perhaps I could advise

Lady Wish. O what? what? to save me and my child from ruin, from want, I'll forgive all that's past; nay, I'll consent to anything to come, to be delivered from this tyranny.

Mir. Ay, madam; but that is too late, my reward is intercepted. You have disposed of her who only could have made me a compensation for all my services; but be it as it may, I am resolved I'll serve you; you shall not be wronged in this savage manner.

Lady Wish. How! dear Mr. Mirabell, can you be so generous at last! But it is not possible. Harkee, I'll break my nephew's match; you shall have my niece yet, and all her fortune, if you can but save me from this imminent danger.

Mir. Will you? I'll take you at your word. I ask no more. I must have leave for two criminals to appear.

Lady Wish. Ay, ay, anybody, anybody!
Mir. Foible is one, and a penitent.

Fain. If it must all come out, why let 'em know it; 'tis but the way of the world. That shall not urge me to relinquish or abate one tittle of my terms; no, I will insist the more.

Foib. Yes indeed, madam, I'll take my bible oath of it.

Min. And so will I, mem.

Lady Wish. O Marwood, Marwood, art thou false my friend deceive me! hast thou been a wicked accomplice with that profligate man?

Mar. Have you so much ingratitude and injustice to give credit against your friend, to the aspersions of two such mercenary trulls?

Min. Mercenary, mem? I scorn your words. 'Tis true we found you and Mr. Fainall in the blue garret; by the same token, you swore us to secrecy upon Messalina's poems. Mercenary! No, if we would have been mercenary, we should have held our tongues; you would have bribed us sufficiently.

Fain. Go, you are an insignificant thing!— Well, what are you the better for this? is this Mr. Mirabell's expedient? I'll be put off no longer. You thing, that was a wife, shall smart for this! I will not leave thee wherewithal to hide thy shame; your body shall be naked as your reputation.

Mrs. Fain. I despise you, and defy your malice! -you have aspersed me wrongfully--I have proved your falsehood-go you and your treacherous-I will not name it, but starve together-perish!

Fain. Not while you are worth a groat, indeed, my dear. Madam, I'll be fooled no longer.

Lady Wish. Ah, Mr. Mirabell, this is small comfort, the detection of this affair.

Mir. Oh, in good time-your leave for the other offender and penitent to appear, madam.

SCENE XII.

Lady WISHFORT, MILLAMANT, Sir WILFULL, MIRABELL, FAINALL, Mrs FAINALL, Mrs. MARWOOD, FOIBLE, MINCING, and WAITWELL, with a box of writings.

Lady Wish. O sir Rowland!-Well, rascal! Wait. What your ladyship pleases. I have brought the black box at last, madam. Mir. Give it me.-Madam, you remember your promise.

Lady Wish. Ay, dear sir.

Mir. Where are the gentlemen?

Wait. At hand, sir, rubbing their eyes-just risen from sleep.

Fain. 'Sdeath, what's this to me? I'll not wait your private concerns.

SCENE XIII.

Lady WISHFORT, MILLAMANT, Sir WILFULL, MIRABELL. FAINALL, Mrs. MARWOOD, Mrs. FAINALL, FOIBLE, MIN CING, WAITWELL, PETULANT, and WITWOUD.

Pet. How now? What's the matter? whose hand's out?

Wit. Heyday! what, are you all got together, like players at the end of the last act?

Mir. You may remember, gentlemen, I once requested your hands as witnesses to a certain parchment.

Wit. Ay, I do, my hand 1 remember-Petulant set his mark.

Mir. You wrong him, his name is fairly written, as shall appear.-You do not remember, gentlemen, anything of what that parchment contained? [Undoing the box.

Wit. No.

Pet. Not I; I writ, I read nothing. Mir. Very well, now you shall know.-Madam, your promise.

Lady Wish. Ay, ay, sir, upon my honour.

Mir. Mr. Fainall, it is now time that you should know, that your lady, while she was at her own disposal, and before you had by your insinuations wheedled her out of a pretended settlement of the greatest part of her fortune

Fain. Sir! pretended!

Mir. Yes, sir. I say that this lady while a widow, having it seems received some cautions respecting your inconstancy and tyranny of temper, which from her own partial opinion and fondness of you she could never have suspected-she did, I say, by the wholesome advice of friends, and of sages learned in the laws of this land, deliver this same as her act and deed to me in trust, and to the uses within mentioned. You may read if you please-[Holding out the parchment] though perhaps what is written on the back may serve your occasions.

Fain. Very likely, sir. What's here ?-Damnation-[Reads.] A deed of conveyance of the whole estate real of Arabella Languish, widow, in trust to Edward Mirabell.-Confusion!

Mir. Even so, sir; 'tis the Way of the World

sir; of the widows of the world. I suppose this deed may bear an elder date than what you have obtained from your lady.

Fain. Perfidious fiend! then thus I'll be revenged. [Offers to run at Mrs. FAINALL. Sir Wil. Hold, sir! now you may make your bear-garden flourish somewhere else, sir. Fain. Mirabell, you shall hear of this, sir, be sure you shall.-Let me pass, oaf! [Exit.

Mrs. Fain. Madam, you seem to stifle your resentment; you had better give it vent.

Mar. Yes, it shall have vent-and to your confusion; or I'll perish in the attempt.

SCENE XIV.

Lady WISHFORT, MILLAMANT, MIRABELL, Mrs. FAINALL, Sir WILFULL, PETULANT, WITWOUD, FOIBLE, MINCING, and WAITWELL.

Lady Wish. O daughter, daughter! 'tis plain thou hast inherited thy mother's prudence.

Mrs. Fain. Thank Mr. Mirabell, a cautious friend, to whose advice all is owing.

Lady Wish. Well, Mr. Mirabell, you have kept your promise-and I must perform mine.-First, I pardon, for your sake, sir Rowland there, and Foible; the next thing is to break the matter to my nephew-and how to do that

Mir. For that, madam, give yourself no trouble; let me have your consent. Sir Wilfull is my friend; he has had compassion upon lovers, and generously engaged a volunteer in this action, for our service; and now designs to prosecute his travels.

Sir Wil. S'heart, aunt, I have no mind to marry. My cousin's a fine lady, and the gentleman loves her, and she loves him, and they deserve one another; my resolution is to see foreign parts-I have set on't-and when I'm set on't I must do't. And if these two gentlemen would travel too, I think they may be spared.

Pet. For my part, I say little-I think things are best off or on.

Wit. I'gad, I understand nothing of the matter; I'm in a maze yet, like a dog in a dancing-school. Lady Wish. Well, sir, take her, and with her all the joy I can give you.

Mil. Why does not the man take me? would you have me give myself to you over again?

Mir. Ay, and over and over again; [Kisses her hand.] I would have you as often as possibly I can. Well, heaven grant I love you not too well, that's all my fear.

Sir Wil. S'heart, you'll have time enough to toy after you're married; or if you will toy now, let us have a dance in the mean time, that we who are not lovers may have some other employment besides looking on.

Mir. With all my heart, dear sir Wilfull. What shall we do for music?

Foib. O sir, some that were provided for sir Rowland's entertainment are yet within call.

A Dance.

Lady Wish. As I am a person, I can hold out no longer;-I have wasted my spirits so to-day already, that I am ready to sink under the fatigue; and I cannot but have some fears upon me yet, that my son Fainall will pursue some desperate

course.

Mir. Madam, disquiet not yourself on that account; to my knowledge his circumstances are such he must of force comply. For my part, I will contribute all that in me lies to a reunion; in the mean time, madam,-[To Mrs. FAINALL.] let me before these witnesses restore to you this deed of trust; it may be a means, well-managed, to make you live easily together.

From hence let those be warn'd, who mean to wed;
Lest mutual falsehood stain the bridal bed;
For each deceiver to his cost may find,
That marriage-frauds too oft are paid in kind.
[Exeunt omnes.

AFTER our Epilogue this crowd dismisses,
I'm thinking how this play'll be pull'd to pieces.
But pray consider, ere you doom its fall,
How hard a thing 'twould be to please you all.
There are some critics so with spleen diseased,
They scarcely come inclining to be pleased:
And sure he must have more than mortal skill,
Who pleases any one against his will.
Then all bad poets we are sure are foes,
And how their number's swell'd, the town well knows:
In shoals I've mark'd 'em judging in the pit;
Though they're, on no pretence, for judgment fit,
But that they have been damn'd for want of wit.
Since when, they by their own offences taught,
Set up for spies on plays, and finding fault.
Others there are whose malice we'd prevent;
Such who watch plays with scurrilous intent
To mark out who by characters are meant.

And though no perfect likeness they can trace,
Yet each pretends to know the copied face.
These with false glosses feed their own ill nature,
And turn to libel what was meant a satire.
May such malicious fops this fortune find,
To think themselves alone the fools design'd:
If any are so arrogantly vain,

To think they singly can support a scene,
And furnish fool enough to entertain.
For well the learn'd and the judicious know
That satire scorns to stoop so meauly low,

As any one abstracted fop to show.

For, as when painters form a matchless face,
They from each fair one catch some different grace;
And shining features in one portrait blend,

To which no single beauty must pretend;

So poets oft do in one piece expose

Whole belles assemblees of coquettes and beaux.

OVID. de Arte Amandi, lib. I.

The scene is a landscape of a beautiful pasture supposed on Mount Ida. The Shepherd PARIS is seen seated under a tree, and playing on his pipe; his crook and scrip &c. lying by him. While a symphony is playing, MERCURY descends with his caduceus in one hand, and an apple of gold in the other; after the symphony he sings.

Mercury. From high Olympus, and the realms

above,

Behold I come the messenger of Jove;

His dread commands I bear :
Shepherd, arise and hear;

Arise, and leave a while thy rural care;
Forbear thy woolly flock to feed,
And lay aside try tuneful reed;
For thou to greater Lonours art decreed.
Paris. O Hermes, I thy godhead know,
By thy winged heels and head,
By thy rod that wakes the dead,
And guides the shades below.

Say wherefore dost thou seek this humble plain,
To greet a lowly swain?

What does the mighty thunderer ordain ?
Mer. This radiant fruit behold,
More bright than burnish'd gold;

Three Goddesses for this contend;
See now they descend,

And this way they bend.

Shepherd, take the golden prize,

Yield it to the brightest eyes.

JUNO, PALLAS, and VENUS, are seen at a distance descending in several machines.

Par. O ravishing delight!
What mortal can support the sight?
Alas! too weak is human brain,
So much rapture to sustain.

I faint, I fall! O take me hence,
Ere ecstacy invades my aching sense.
Help me, Hermes, or I die,

Save me from excess of joy.

Mer. Fear not, mortal, none shall harm thee, With my sacred rod I'll charm thee. Freely gaze and view all over, Thou mayst every grace discover. Though a thousand darts fly round thee, Fear not, mortal, none shall wound thee.