To a Thesaurus Or our cosiest nook in the shade is Or we toss the light bells of the mocker Oh, the song where not one of the Graces Where we woo the sweet Muses not starchly Where the verse, like a piper a-Maying, And the rhyme is as gay as a dancer It will last till men weary of pleasure It will last till men weary of laughter. 825 Austin Dobson. TO A THESAURUS O PRECIOUS code, volume, tome, A jest, a jape, a quip, a quirk. For I would pen, engross, indite, An ode, an elegy to bless To bless, set store by, celebrate, Approve, esteem, endow with soul, Commend, acclaim, appreciate, Immortalize, laud, praise, extol. Thy merit, goodness, value, worth, O manna, honey, salt of earth, How could I manage, live, exist, Have place, become, breathe or inhale. Without thy help, recruit, support, Alack! Alack! and well-a-day! My case would then be dour and sad, Though I could keep this up all day, This lyric, elegiac, song, Meseems hath come the time to say Farewell! Adieu! Good-by! So long! Franklin P. Adams. THE FUTURE OF THE CLASSICS No longer, O scholars, shall Plautus Be taught us. No more shall professors be partial To Martial. No ninny Will stop playing "shinney" Not even the veriest Mexican Greaser Will stop to read Cæsar. No true son of Erin will leave his potato The Future of the Classics Old Homer, That hapless old roamer, Will ne'er find a rest 'neath collegiate dome or Safely may snub him, or urge ill Effects from the reading of Virgil. Wont keep us Much longer from pleasure's light errands- The irreverent now may all scoff in ease Livy. The class-room hereafter will miss a row And what'll Induce us to read Aristotle? We shall fail in Our duty to Galen. No tutor henceforward shall rack us Of Mr. Justinian. In our classical pabulum mix we've no wee sop Our balance of intellect asks for no ballast With feminine scorn no fair Vassar-bred lass at us And so, if you follow me, We'll have to cut Ptolemy. Besides, it would just be considered facetious 827 And you can Not go in Society if you read Lucan, And we cannot have any fun Unknown. CAUTIONARY VERSES My little dears, who learn to read, pray early, learn to shun That very silly thing indeed which people call a pun; Read Entick's rules, and 'twill be found how simple an offence It is to make the selfsame sound afford a double sense. For instance, ale may make you ail, your aunt an ant may kill, You in a vale may buy a veil and Bill may pay the bill. Thus, one might say, when, to a treat, good friends accept our greeting, 'Tis meet that men who meet to eat should eat their meat when meeting; Brawn on the board's no bore indeed, although from boar prepared; Nor can the fowl on which we feed, foul feeding be declared. Thus one ripe fruit may be a pear, and yet be pared again, A fat man's gait may make us smile, who have no gate to close; The farmer sitting on his stile no stylish person knows. Perfumers men of scents must be; some Scilly men are bright; A brown man oft deep read we see, a black a wicked wight. The War: A-Z 829 Most wealthy men good manors have, however vulgar they; And actors still the harder slave the oftener they play; So poets can't the baize obtain, unless their tailors choose; While grooms and coachmen, not in vain, each evening seek the Mews. The dyer, who by dyeing lives, a dire life maintains; The glazier, it is known, receives his profits for his panes; By gardeners thyme is tied, 'tis true, when spring is in its prime, But time or tide won't wait for you if you are tied for time. Then now you see, my little dears, the way to make a pun; A trick which you, through coming years, should sedulously shun; The fault admits of no defence; for wheresoe'er 'tis found, You sacrifice for sound the sense; the sense is never sound. So let your words and actions too, one single meaning prove, And, just in all you say or do, you'll gain esteem and love; In mirth and play no harm you'll know when duty's task is done, But parents ne'er should let you go unpunished for a pun! Theodore Hook. THE WAR: A-Z AN Austrian Archduke, assaulted and assailed, |