dripping-pan; Dishcloth thereupon laid hold upon him, and in the struggle pushed him into the dripping-pan, which spoiled his clothes. He was advised to bring an action against the cook-maid therefor, the pleadings of which are as follows: 3. The first counsel who spoke was Mr. Serjeant Snuffle. He began with saying: "Since I have the honor to be pitched upon to open this case to your lordship, I shall not impertinently presume to take up any of your lordship's time, by a roundabout, circumlocutory manner of speaking, or talking, quite foreign to the purpose, and not anywise relating to the matter in hand; I shall I will-I design to show what damages my client has sustained, hereupon, whereupon, and thereupon. Now, my lord, my client being a servant in the same family with Dishcloth, and, not being at board-wages, imagined he had a right to the fee simple of the dripping-pan, therefore, he made an attachment on the sop with his right hand,-which the defendant replevied with her right hand,-tripped up our heels, and tumbled us into the dripping-pan. 4. Now, in Broughton's Reports, Slack vs. Smallcoat, it is said, primus strokus, sine jocus, absolutos est provokos; now, who gave the primus strokus? Who gave the first offense? Why, the cook-maid; she placed the dripping-pan there; for, my lord, though we will allow, if it had not been where we were, we could not have tumbled where we didyet, my lord-if the dripping-pan had not been where it was, we could not have fallen down into the dripping-pan.' 5. The next counsel, on the same side, began with—“ My lord, he who makes use of many words to no purpose, has not much to say for himself; therefore, I shall come to the point at once, at once and immediately I shall come to the point. My client was in liquor-the liquor in him having served an ejectment upon his understanding, common sense was non-suited, and he was a man beside himself, or, as Doctor Biblicus declares, in his dissertation upon bumpers in the one hundred and thirty-ninth folio volume of the abridgment of the statutes, page one thousand two hundred and eighty-six, that a drunken man is a homo duplicans, or a double man-not only because he sees things double, but also, because he is not as he should be, 'perfecto ipsebut is as he should not be, 'defecto tipse.' 6. The counsel for the cook-maid rose up gracefully, playing with his ruffles prettily, and tossing the ties of his wig about emphatically. He began with-" My lud, and gentlemen of the jury,-I humbly do conceive, I have the authority to declare that I am counsel in this case for the defendant-therefore, my lud. I shall not flourish away in words: words are no more than filagree works; some people may think them an embellishment; but to me, it is a matter of astonishment, how any one can be so impertinent to use them to the detriment of all rudiments; but, my lud, this is not to be looked at through the medium of right and wrong; for the law knows no medium, and right and wrong are but mere shadows. 7. "Now, in the first place, they have called a kitchen, my client's premises. Now, a kitchen is nobody's premises -a kitchen is not a warehouse, a wash-house, a brew-house, an out-house, or an in-house, nor a dwelling-house, nor any house-no, my lud, 't is absolutely and bona fide neither. more nor less than a kitchen, or, as the law more classically expresses it a kitchen is, camera necessaria pro usos cookare; cum sauce-panis, stew-panis, scullero, dressero, coalholo, stovis, smoak-jacko, pro roastandum, boilandum, fryandum, et plum-pudding mixandum; pro turtle supos, calves' head hashibus, cum calippe et caliphashibus. Moreover, we shall not avail ourselves of an alibi, but admit the existence of a cook-maid. Now, my lud, we shall take a new ground, and beg a new trial-for as they have curtailed our name in their pleadings from plain Mary into Moll, I hope the court will not allow of this-for if the court were to allow mistakes what would become of the law?—although where there are no mistakes, it is clearly the business of the law to make them." 8. Therefore, the court, after due consideration, granted the parties a new trial; for the law is our liberty, and happy it is for us that we have the privilege of going to law. STEVENS. KIDD.-33 CO. THE HOUSEKEEPER'S SOLILOQUY. 1. HERE's a big washing to be done- Sheets, shirts and stockings, coats and pants, 2. Dinner to get for six or more, No loaf left o'er from Sunday; 3. 'T is time the meat was in the pot, 4. Hush, baby dear! there, hush-sh-sh! 'Till I could run and get some wood, 5 Oh dear! oh dear! if P comes home, And finds things in this pother, 6. How nice her kitchen used to be, Exactly when the noon-bell rang- 7. And then will come some hasty words, 8. Now, is not that a great idea, That men should take to sinning, 9. When I was young I used to earn 10. I never dreamed of such a fate, When I, a-lass! was courted— Wife, mother, nurse, seamstress, cook, housekeeper, chambermaid, laundress, dairy woman, and scrub generally, doing the work of six, For the sake of being supported! MRS. F. D. GAGE. ÇCI. THE REJECTED. 1. Nor have me! Not love me! Oh, what have I said? Rejected and just when I hoped to be blessed! 2. Remember-remember how often I've knelt, And talked about poison in accents so wild, 3. Not have me! Not love me! Oh, what have I done? My figure is wasted; my spirits are lost; And my eyes are deep sunk, like the eyes of a ghost. 4. Remember, remember-ay, madam, you must- I rode by your palfrey; I came at your call, 5. Not have me! Not love me! Rejected! Refused! 6. Remember you've worn them; and just can it ne Nay, do n't throw them at me! You'll break do not I do n't mean my gifts-but you will break my heart! 7. Not have me! Not love me! Not go to the church! Sure, never was lover so left in the lurch! My brain is distracted, my feelings are hurt; Oh, madam, do n't tempt me to call you-a flirt. 8. Remember my letters; my passion they told; Yes, all sorts of letters, save letters of gold; The amount of my notes, too-the notes that I penned,Not bank notes-no, truly, I had none to send! 9. Not have me! Not love me! And is it, then, true. That opulent Age is the lover for you? 'Gainst rivalry's bloom I would strive 't is too much To yield to the terror of rivalry's crutch. 10. Remember—remember I might call him out; But, madam, you are not worth fighting about; CCII. THE CONFESSION. 1. THERE's some thing on my breast, father, 2. I can neither sleep nor eat, father; 3. T is not the lack of gold, father, My lands are broad and rich, father, 4. My kin-they all are true, father, 5. 'T is not that Mary 's false, father, 6. It is not that, nor all of those, That chills my troubled breast- |