over the fire. I at firft fuppofed they were affifting their mother; but little Dick informed me in a whisper, that they were making a wash for the face. Wathes of all kinds I had a natural antipathy to; for I knew that inftead of mending the complexion they spoiled it. I therefore approached my chair by fly degrees to the fire, and grafping the poker, as if it wanted mending, feemingly by accident, overturned the whole compofition, and it was too late to begin another.

CHAP. VII.

A town wit defcribed. The dulleft fellows may learn to be comical for a night or two.

WHEN the morning arrived on which we were to entertain our young landlord, it may be 'eafily fupposed what provifions were exhausted to make an appearance. It may also be conjectured that my wife and daughters expanded their gayeft plumage upon this occafion. Mr. Thornhill came with a couple of friends, his chaplain and feeder. The fervants, who were numerous, he politely ordered to the next alehouse but my wife, in the triumph of her heart, infifted on entertaining them all; for which, by the bye, our family was pinched for three weeks after. As Mr. Burchell had hinted to us the day before, that he was making fome propofals of marriage to Mifs Wilmot, my fon George's former mistress, this a good deal damped the heartiness of his reception; but accident in fome meafure, relieved our embarraffment; for one of the company happening to mention her name, Mr. Thornhill obferved with an oath,

that

that he never knew any thing more abfurd than calling fuch a fright a beauty: "For ftrike me ugly," continued he, "if I fhould not find as much pleasure "in choofing my miftrefs by the information of a lamp under the clock at St. Dunfian's." At this

he laughed, and so did we :-the jefts of the rich are ever fuccessful. Olivia too could not avoid whispering loud enough to be heard, that he had an infinite fund of humour.

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After dinner, I began with my ufual toaft, the Church; for this I was thanked by the chaplain, as he faid the Church was the only miftrefs of his affections." Come tell us honeftly, Frank," faid the 'Squire, with his ufual archnefs, "fuppofe the Church, your prefent miftrefs, dreft in lawn "fleeves, on one hand, and Mifs Sophia, with no "lawn about her, on the other, which would you "be for?" "For both, to be fure," cried the chaplain. Right, Frank," cried the 'Squire ; "for may this glafs fuffocate me but a fine girl is "worth all the priestcraft in the creation. For what

.

are tythes and tricks but an impofition, all a con"founded impofture, and I can prove it.""I "with you would," cried my fon Mofes," and I

think," continued he, "that I fhould be able to "anfwer you."-" Very well, Sir," cried the 'Squire, who immediately fmoaked him, and winking on the rest of the company, to prepare us for the fport, "if you are for a cool argument upon that "fubject, I am ready to accept the challenge. And firft, whether are you for managing it analogically, or dialogically?" "I am for managing it rationally," cried Mofes, quite happy at being permitted to difpute. "Good again," cried the 'Squire, "and firftly, of the firft. I hope you'll not deny "that whatever is, is. you don't grant me that, "I can go no further." "Why," returned Mo

If

fes, "I think I may grant that, and make the best

" of

"of it.""I hope too," returned the other, " you'll grant that a part is lefs than the whole."

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" I

grant that too," cried Mofes, "it is but juft and "reasonable.""I hope," cried the 'Squire, you will not deny, that the two angles of a triangle are equal to two right ones."-"Nothing can be plainer," returned t'other, and looked round with his ufual importance.-" Very well,” cried the 'Squire, fpeaking very quick, "the pre"mifes being thus fettled, I proceed to obferve, that "the concatenation of felf-existences, proceeding in "a reciprocal duplicate ratio, naturally produce a "problematical dialogifm, which in fome measure proves that the effence of fpirituality may be re"ferred to the fecond predicable."" Hold,

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hold," cried the other, "I deny that: Do you "think I can thus tamely submit to fuch heterodox "doctrines?""What," replied the 'Squire, as if in a paffion, "not fubmit! "not fubmit! Answer me one plain

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queftion: Do you think Ariftotle right when he " fays, that relatives are related?" "Undoubt

edly," replied the other. "If fo then," cried the 'Squire, "answer me directly to what I propose: "Whether do you judge the analytical inveftigation

of the firft part of my enthymem deficient fecun"dum quoad, or quoad minus, and give me your "reasons give me your reafons, I fay, directly.”

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"I proteft," cried Mofes, "I don't rightly com"prehend the force of your reafoning; but if it be "reduced to one fimple propofition, I fancy it may "then have an anfwer." "O, Sir," cried the 'Squire, "I am your moft humble fervant, I find you want me to furnish you with argument and "intellects too. No, Sir, there I proteft you are "too hard for me. This effectually raised the laugh against poor Mofes, who fate the only difmal figure in a group of merry faces: nor did he offer a fingle fyllable more during the whole entertainment.

But.

But though all this gave me no pleasure, it had a very different effect upon Olivia, who mistook it for humour, though but a mere act of the memory. She thought him therefore a very fine gentleman; and fuch as confider what powerful ingredients a good figure, fine cloaths, and fortune are in that character, will eafily forgive her. Mr. Thornhill, notwithftanding his real ignorance, talked with eafe, and could expatiate upon the common topics of converfation with fluency. It is not furprising then that fuch talents should win the affections of a girl, who by education was taught to value an appearance in herself, and confequently to fet a value upon it in another.

Upon his departure, we again entered into a debate upon the merits of our young landlord. As he directed his looks and converfation to Olivia, it was no longer doubted but that the was the object that induced him to be our vifitor. Nor did the feem to be much displeased at the innocent raillery of her brother and fifter upon this occafion. Even Deborah herself seemed to fhare the glory of the day, and exulted in her daughter's victory as if it were her own... "And now, my dear," cried the to me, "I'll fairly

own, that it was I that inftructed my girls to "encourage our landlord's addreffes. I had always "fome ambition, and you now fee that I was right; "for who knows how this may end ?" "Aye, who "knows that indeed," answered I, with a groan : "for my part I don't much like it; and I could "have been better pleased with one that was poor " and honeft, than this fine gentleman with his fortune and infidelity; for depend on't, if he be "what I fufpect him, no free-thinker fhall ever have <6 a child of mine."

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"Sure, father," cried Mofes, "you are too fe"vere in this; for Heaven will never arraign him " for what he thinks, but for what he does. Every

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“man has a thousand vicious thoughts, which arife "without his power to fupprefs. Thinking freely "of religion may be involuntary with this gentleman: fo that allowing his fentiments to be wrong, yet as he is purely paffive in his affent, he is no "more to be blamed for his errors, than the governor of a city without walls for the fhelter he is "obliged to afford an invading enemy."

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"True, my fon," cried I;" but if the governor "invites the enemy there, he is juftly culpable. "And fuch is always the cafe with those who em"brace error. The vice does not lie in affenting "to the proofs they fee; but in being blind to 66 many of the proofs that offer. So that, though our erroneous opinions be involuntary when formed, "yet as we have been wilfully corrupt, or very neg"ligent in forming them, we deferve punishment "for our vice, or contempt for our folly.”

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My wife now kept up the converfation, though not the argument: fhe observed, that several very prudent men of our acquaintance were free-thinkers, and made very good hufbands; and the knew fomet fenfible girls that had fkill enough to make converts of their spouses: "And who knows, my dear," continued the, "what Olivia may be able to do. The girl has a great deal to fay upon every subject, "and to my knowledge is very well skilled in con"troverfy.'

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Why, my dear, what controverfy can fhe have "read ?" cried I. "It does not occur to me that "I ever put fuch books into her hands: you cer"tainly over-rate her merit." "Indeed, papa," replied Olivia, "fhe does not: I have read a great "deal of controverfy. I have read the difputes be"tween Thwackum and Square; the controverfy "between Robinson Crufoe and Friday the favage, " and I am now employed in reading the controverfy in Religious Courtship,"-" Very well,"

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cried