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As a 19 young and 76 beautiful lady was 52 gaily tripping down the side-walk of our 84 frequented street, she accidentally came in contact—100 (this shows that she came in close contact)—with a 73 fat, but 87 good-humoured looking gentleman, who was 93 (i.e., intently) gazing into the window of a toy-shop. Gracefully 56 extricating herself, she received the excuses of the 96 embarrassed Falstaff with • a 68 bland smile, and continued on her way. But hardly

7-had she reached the corner of the block, ere she was overtaken by a 24 young man, 32 poorly dressed, but of an 85 expression of countenance; 91 hastily touching her 54 beautifully rounded arm, he said, to her 67 surprise

“ Madam, at the window of the toy-shop yonder, you dropped this bracelet, which I had the 71 good fortune to observe, and now have the 94 happiness to hand to you."

(Of course the expression “94 happiness" is merely the young man's polite hyperbole.)

Blushing with 76 modesty, the lovely (76, as before, of course) lady took the bracelet—which was a 24 magnificent diamond clasp—(24 magnificent, playfully sarcastic; it was probably not one of Tucker's) from the young man's hand, and 84 hesitatingly drew from her beautifully 38 embroidered reticule a 67 portemonnaie. The young man noticed the action, and 73 proudly drawing back, added

“Do not thank me; the pleasure of gazing for an instant at those 100 eyes (perhaps too exaggerated a compliment) has already more than compensated me for any trouble that I might have had.”

She thanked him, however, and with a 67 deep blush and a 48 pensive air, turned from him, and pursued with 33 slow step her promenade.

Of course you see that this is but the commencement of a pretty little tale, which I might throw off, if I had a mind to, showing in two volumes, or forty-eight chapters of thrilling interest, how the young man sought the girl's acquaint

ance, how the interest first excited deepened into love, how they suffered much from the opposition of parents (her parents, of course), and how, after much trouble, annoyance, and many perilous adventures, they were finally married — their happiness, of course, being represented by 100. But I trust that I have said enough to recommend my system to the good and truthful of the literary world; and besides, just at present I have something of more immediate importance to attend to.

You would hardly believe it, but that everlasting (100) scamp of a Professor has brought a suit against me for stealing a bottle of his disgusting Invigorator; and as the suit comes off before a Justice of the Peace, whose only principle of law is to find guilty and fine any accused person whom he thinks has any money—(because if he don't he has to take his costs in County Scrip), it behoves me to “take time by the forelock.” So for the present, adieu !

Should my system succeed to the extent of my hopes and expectations, I shall publish my new grammar early in the ensuing month, with suitable dedication and preface; and should you, with your well-known liberality, publish my prospectus, and give me a handsome literary notice, I shall be pleased to furnish a presentation copy to each of the little Pioneer children.

P.S.— I regret to add, that having just read this article to Mrs. Phoenix, and asked her opinion thereon, she replied that, “If a first-rate magazine article were represented by 100, she should judge this to be about 13; or if the quintessence of stupidity were 100, she should take this to be in the neighbourhood of 96."

This, as a criticism, is perhaps a little discouraging, but as an exemplification of the merits of my system it is exceedingly flattering. How could she, I should like to know, in ordinary language, have given so exact and truthful an idea-how expressed so forcibly her opinion (which, of course, differs from mine) on the subject ?

As Dr. Samuel Johnson learnedly remarked to James Boswell, Laird of Auchinleck, on a certain occasion—"Sir, the proof of the pudding is the eating thereof."

John Phænix.

BIOGRAPHICAL INDEX OF AMERICAN

HUMORISTS.

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ABY, JOE C., “ Hoffenstein,” born 1858. A humorist who made his

reputation on the New Orleans Times-Democrat. His Hoffen-
stein” sketches have been issued in book form.

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ADAMS, CHARLES FOLLEN (1842). “ Leedle Yawcob Strauss,

short poem bubbling over with quiet, kindly, pathetic humour,
given in quaint German-American vernacular, first brought Mr.
Adams before the public. “Leedle Yawcob Strauss” has been
followed by many sunny pieces in similar dialect. Mr. Adams has
published Leedle Yawcob Strauss and other Poems, Dialect Ballads,

etc.

ADAMS, JOHN QUINCY (1767-1848), sixth President of the United

States, first attracted public attention by his writings, and prin-
cipally on account of his pen he was appointed to many honourable
posts by President George Washington. He wrote a number of
humorous pieces of verse, the most popular being “ The Plague in
the Forest” and “The Wants of Man."

ALCOTT, LOUISA MAY (1832-1888). Author of Little Women, Little

Men, Moods, An Old-Fashioned Girl, Eight Cousins, etc. Most

popular with the young people of America and Great Britain.
ALDEN, WILLIAM L., born 1837. Author of Domestic Explosives,

Shooting Stars, Moral Pirates, A Lost Soul (Chatto & Windus),
and a host of volumes of facetious short stories. He was ad.
mitted to the bar, but took to journalism ; made himself famous
as the “fifth-column man on the New York Times; was
appointed consul-general at Rome, the king decorating him with
the cross of Chevalier of the “Crown of Italy” at the end of his
consulship. He introduced canoeing as a pastime into the United
States, and founded the first canoe club. He is now (1893)
writing humorous “stories” for the Idler and other English publica-

tions, and his work has lost none of his old-time flavour.
ALDRICH, THOMAS BAILEY, born 1837. Mr. Aldrich, who for many

years was looked upon as one of the most promising younger
writers of America, has now attained the first rank in American

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