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proud we'd got him with us, too. So we set in, like we done before with the duke, and tried to comfort him. But he said it warn't no use, nothing but to be dead and done
with it all could do him any good; though he said it often made him feel easier and better for a while if people treated him according to his rights, and got down on one knee to speak to him, and always called him “Your Majesty," and waited on him first at meals, and didn't set down in his presence till he asked them. So Jim and set to majestying him, and doing this and that and t'other for him, and standing up till he told us we might set down. This done him heaps of good, and so he got cheerful and comfortable. But the duke kind of soured on him, and didn't look a bit satisfied with the way things was going ; still, the king acted real friendly towards him,
and said the duke's BILGEwater, I am the late dauphin !"" great-grandfather and all
the other Dukes of Bilgewater was a good deal thought of by his father, and was allowed to come to the palace considerable; but the duke stayed huffy a good while, till by-and-by the king says
“Like as not we got to be together a blamed long time, on this h-yer raft, Bilgewater, and so what's the use o' your bein' sour? It'll only make things oncomfortable. It ain't my fault I warn't born a duke, it ain't your fault you warn't born a king—so what's the use to worry? Make the best o' things the way you find 'em, says I—that's my motto. This ain't no bad thing that we've struck here—plenty grub and an easy life—come, give us your hand, Duke, and less all be friends.”
The duke done it, and Jim and me was pretty glad to see it. It took away all the uncomfortableness, and we felt mighty good over it, because it would a been a miserable business to have any unfriendliness on the raft; for what you want, above all things, on a raft, is for everybody to be satisfied, and feel right and kind towards the others.
It didn't take me long to make up my mind that these liars warn't no kings nor dukes, at all, but just low-down humbugs and frauds. But I never said nothing, never let on; kept it to myself; it's the best
don't have no quarrels, and don't get into no trouble. wanted us to call them kings and dukes, I hadn't no objections, 'long as it would keep peace in the family; and it warn't no use to tell Jim, so I didn't tell him. If I never learnt nothing else out of pap, I learnt that the best way to get along with his kind of people is to let them have their own way.
Samuel L. Clemens ("Mark Twain").
(From “ Huckleberry Finn.”)
WILTIST THOU NOT TARRY HEAR IN THE PROMIST LAND?'”
since I crossed the Planes for Kaliforny, the Brite land of Jold. While crossin the Planes all so bold I fell in with sum noble red men of the forest (N.B. This is rote Sarcastical. Injins is Pizin, whar ever found), which thay Sed I was their Brother, & wantid for to smoke the Calomel of Peace with me. Thay than stole my jerkt beef, blankits, etsettery, skalpt my orgin grinder & scooted with a Wild Hoop. Durin the Cheaf's techin speech he sed he shood meet me in the Happy Huntin Grounds. If he duz thare will be a fite. But enuff of this ere. Reven Noose Muttons, as our skoolmaster who has got Talent into him, cussycally obsarves.
I arrove at Salt Lake in doo time. At Camp Scott there was a lot of U.S. sojers, hosstensibly sent out thare to smash the mormins but really to eat Salt vittles & play poker & other beautiful but sumwhat onsartin games. I got acquainted with sum of the officers. Thay lookt putty scrumpshus in their Bloo coats with brass buttings onto um & ware very talented drinkers, but so fur as fitin is consarned I'd willingly put my wax figgers agin the hull party.
My desire was to exhibit my grate show in Salt Lake City, so I called on Brigham Yung, the grate mogull amung the mormins, and axed his permishun to pitch my tent and onfurl my banner to the gintle breezis. He lookt at me in a austeer manner for a few minits, and sed —
“Do you bleeve in Solomon, Saint Paul, the immaculateness of the Mormin Church and the Latter-day Revelashuns ?”
Sez I, “ I'm on it !” I make it a pint to git along plesunt, tho I didn't know what under the Son the old feller was drivin at. He sed I mite show.
“You air a marrid man, Mister Yung, I bleeve ? ” sez I, preparin to rite him som free parsis.
“I hev eighty wives, Mister Ward. I sertinly am marrid.”
“How do you like it as far as you hev got?” sed I.
He sed“ middlin," and axed me wouldn't I like to see his famerly, to which I replide that I wouldn't mind minglin with the fair Seck & Barskin in the winnin smiles of his interestin wives. He accordingly tuk me to his Scareum. The house is powerful big in an exceedin large room was his wives and children, which larst was squawkin and hollerin enuff to take the roof rite orf the house. The wimin was of all sizes and ages. Sum was pretty & sum was plane-sum was helthy and sum was on the Wayne—which is verses, tho sich was not my intentions,
as I don't 'prove of puttin verses in Proze rittins, tho ef occashun requires I can jerk a Poim ekal to any of them Atlantic Munthly fellers.
"My wives, Mister Ward," sed Yung.
“Your sarvant, marms,” sed I, as I sot down in a cheer which a red-heded female brawt me.
“Besides these wives you see here, Mister Ward," sed Yung, “I hav eighty more in varis parts of this consecrated land which air Sealed to me."
Which,” sez I, gittin up & starin at him.
Sealed, Sir ! sealed.” " Whare bowts ?” sez I.
“I sed, Sir, that they was sealed !” He spoke in a traggerdy voice.
“Will they probly continner on in that stile to any great extent, Sir," I axed.
“Sir," sed he, turnin as red as a biled beet, know that the rules of our Church is that I, the Profit, may hev as meny wives as I wants ? "
“Jes so," I sed. “ You are old pie, ain't you?”
“ Them as is Sealed to me—that is to say, to be mine when I wants um-air at present my sperretooul wives," sed Mister Yung
“Long may thay wave!” sez I, seein I shood git into a scrape ef I didn't look out.
In a privit conversashun with Brigham I learnt the follerin fax :-It takes him six weeks to kiss his wives. He don't do it only onct a yere, & sez it is wuss nor cleanin house. He don't pretend to know his children, thare is so many of um, tho they all know him. He sez about every child he meats call him Par, and he takes it for grantid it is so.
His wives air very expensive. They allers want suthin & ef he don't buy it for um they set the house in a uproar. He sez he don't have a minit's peace. His wives fite amung theirselves so