I make no apology;

I've learned owl-eology.

I've passed days and nights in a hundred collections, And cannot be blinded to any deflections

Arising from unskilful fingers that fail

To stuff a bird right, from his beak to his tail.
Mister Brown! Mister Brown!

Do take that bird down,

Or you'll soon be the laughing-stock all over the town!" And the barber kept on shaving.

"I've studied owls,

And other night fowls,

And I tell you

What I know to be true:

An owl cannot roost

With his limbs so unloosed;

No owl in this world

Ever had his claws curled,

Ever had his legs slanted,

Ever had his bill canted,
Ever had his neck screwed

Into that attitude.

He can't do it, because
'Tis against all bird-laws.
Anatomy teaches,
Ornithology preaches
An owl has a toe

That can't turn out so!

I've made the white owl my study for years,

And to see such a job almost moves me to tears.

Mister Brown, I'm amazed

You should be so gone crazed

As to put up a bird

In that posture absurd!

66

To look at that owl really brings on a dizziness;

The man who stuffed him don't half know his business!" And the barber kept on shaving.

"Examine those eyes.
I'm filled with surprise
Taxidermists should pass
Off on you such poor glass;
So unnatural they seem
They'd make Audubon scream,
And John Burroughs laugh
To encounter such chaff.

Do take that bird down;

Have him stuffed again, Brown!"

And the barber kept on shaving.

"With some sawdust and bark

I would stuff in the dark
An owl better than that,
I could make an old hat
Look more like an owl
Than that horrid fowl,

Stuck up there so stiff like a side of coarse leather.
In fact, about him there's not one natural feather."

Just then, with a wink and a sly normal lurch,
The owl, very gravely, got down from his perch,
Walked round, and regarded his fault-finding critic
(Who thought he was stuffed) with a glance analytic,
And then fairly hooted, as if he should say:
"Your learning's at fault this time, any way;
Don't waste it again on a live bird, I pray.

I'm an owl; you're another. Sir critic, good-day!"
And the barber kept on shaving.

Jas. T. Fields.

I

WUZ onto my way to Columbus to attend the annooal gatherin uv the fatheful at that city, a dooty I hev religusly performed fer over 30 yeres. Ther wuz but wun seet vakent in the car, and onto that I sot down. Presently a gentleman carryin uv a karpit bag, sot down beside me, and we towunst commenst conversashen. After discussin the crops, the wether, et settry, I askt wher he resided.

"In Oberlin," sez he.

"Oberlin!" shreekt I. "Oberlin! wher Ablishnism runs rampant-wher a nigger is 100 per cent. better ner a white man-wher a mulatto is a obgik uv pitty on account uv hevin white blood. Oberlin! that stonest the Dimekratik prophets, and woodent be gathered under Vallandygum's wings as a hen hawk gathereth chickens, at no price Oberlin, that gives all the profits uv her college to the support uv the underground ralerode

(6 But," sez he.

"Oberlin," continyood I, "that reskoos niggers, and sets at defians the benifisent laws fer takin on em back to their kind and hevenly-minded masters -Oberlin

"My jentle frend," sez he, "Oberlin don't do nuthin uv the kind. Yoo've bin misinformed. Oberlin respex the laws, and hez now a body uv her galyent sons in the feeld a fightin to manetane the Constooshn."

"A fightin to manetane the Constooshn," retordid I. "My frend" (and I spoke impressively), "no Oberlin man is a doin any sich thing. Oberlin never fit for no Constooshn. Oberlin commenst this war, Oberlin wuz the prime cause uv all the trubble. Wat wuz the beginnin uv it. Our Suthrin brethrin wantid the territories-Oberlin objectid. They wantid Kansas fer ther blessid instooshnOberlin agin objecks. They sent colonies with muskits and sich, to hold the terrytory-Oberlin sent 2 thowsand armed with Bibles and Sharp's rifles-two instooshns Dimocrisy cood never stand afore-and druv em out. They wantid Breckinridge fer President-Oberlin refused and elektid Linkin. Then they seceded, and why is it that they still hold out?"

He made no anser.

"Becoz," continyood I, transfixin him with my penetratin gaze, "Oberlin won't submit. We mite 2-day hev peese, ef Oberlin wood say to Linkin, 'Resine!' and to Geff Davis, 'Come up higher!' When I say Oberlin,