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enlargement of soul in prayer, and some assistance in the duty of intercession ; vital piety and holiness appeared sweet to me, and I longed for the perfection of it.
Friday, May 18. Felt again something of the sweet spirit of religion; and my soul seemed to confide in God, that he would never leave me. But oftentimes saw myself so mean a creature, that I knew not how to think of preaching. O that I could always live to, and upon God!
Suturday, May 19. Was, some part of the time, greatly oppressed with the weight and burden of my work; it seemed impossible for me ever to go through with the business I had undertaken. -- Towards night, was very calm and comfortable; and I think, my soul trusted in God for help.
Lord's day, May 20. Preached twice to the poor Indians, and enjoyed some freedom in speaking, while I attempted to remove their prejudices against Christianity. My soul longed for assistance from above, all the white; for I saw I had no strength sufficient for that work. Afterwards, preached to the Irish people; was much assisted in the first prayer, and something in sermon. Several persons seemed much concerned for their souls, with whom I discoursed afterwards with much freedom and some power. Blessed be God for any assistance afforded to an unworthy worm. O that I could live to him !
Through the remainder of this week, he was sometimes ready to sink with a sense of his unworthiness and unfitness for the work of the ministry : and sometimes encouraged and lifted above his fears and surrows, and was enabled confidently to rely on God; and especially on Saturday, towards night, he enjoyed calmness and composure, and assistance in prayer to God. He rejoiced, “That God remains unchangeably powerful and faithful, a sure and sufficient portion, and the dwelling-place of his children in all generations."
Lord's day, May 27. Visited my Indians, in the morning, and attended upon a funeral among them; was affected to see their Heathenish practices. () that they might be “turned from darkness to light !” Afterwards, got a considerable number of them together, and preached to then; and observed them very attentive. After this, preached to the white people from Heb. ii. 3. Ilow shall we escape, if we neglect, &c. Was enabled to speak with some freedom and power : several people seemed much concerned for their souls; especially one who had been educated a Roman Catholic. Blessed be the Lord for any help.
Monday, May 28. Set out from the Indians above the Forks of Delaware, on a journey towards Newark in NewJersey, according to my orders. Rode through the wilderness; was much fatigued with the heat ; lodged at a place called Black-River; was exceedingly tired and worn out.
On Tuesday, he came to Newark. The next day, went to ElisabethTown; on Thursday, he went to New-York; and on Friday returned to Elisabetb Town. These days were spent in some perplexity of mind. He continued at Elizabeth-Town till Friday in the week following. Was enlivened, refreshed, and strengthened on the Sabbath at the Lord's table. The ensuing days of the week were spent chiefly in studies preparatory to his ordination; and on some of them he seemed to have much of God's gracious presence, and of the sweet influences of his Spirit; but was in a very weak state of body. On Saturday, he rode to Newark.
Lord's day, June 10. [At Newark] in the morning, was much concerned how I should perform the work of the day ; and trembled at the thoughts of being left to myself.—Enjoyed very considerable assistance in all parts of the public service. Had an opportunity again to attend on the ordinance of the Lord's supper, and through divine goodness was refreshed in it: my soul was full of love and tenderness towards the children of God, and towards all men ; felt a certain sweetness of disposition towards every creature. At night, I enjoyed more spirituality and sweet desire of holiness, than I have felt for some time: was afraid of every thought and every motion, lest thereby my heart should be drawn away from God. O that I might never leave the blessed God! “Lord in thy presence is fulness of joy." O the blessedness of living to God!
Monday, June 11. This day the Presbytery met together at Newark, in order to my ordination. Was very weak and disordered in body ; yet endeavoured to repose my confidence in God. Spent most of the day alone ; especially the forenoon. At three in the afternoon preached my probation-sermon, from Acts xxvi.17,18. Delivering thee from the people, and from the Gentiles, &c. being a test given me for that end. Felt not well, either in body or mind; however, God carried me through comfortably. Afterwards, passed an examination before the Presbytery. Was much tired, and my mind burdened with the greatness of that charge I was in the most solemn manner about to take upon me: my mind was so pressed with the weight of the work incumbent upon me, that I could not sleep this night, though very weary and in great need of rest.
Tuesday, June 12, Was this morning further examined, respecting my experimental acquaintance with Christianity*. At ten o'clock my ordination was attended ; the sermon preached by the Reverend Mr. Pemberton. At this time I was affected with a sense of the important trust committed to me; yet was composed, and solemn, without distraction : and I hope that then, as many times before, I gave myself up to God, to be for him, and not for another. Othat I might always be engaged in the service of God, and duly remember the solemn charge I have received, in the presence of God, angels, and men. Amen. May I be assisted of God for this purpose. - Towards night, rode to Elizabeth-Town.
* Mr. Pemberton, in a letter to the Honourable society in Scotland that ema ployed Mr. BRAINERD, which he wrote concerning him, (published in Scotland, in the Christian monthly history), writes thus, “ We can with pleasure say, that Mr. BRAINERD passed through his ordination-trial, to the universal approbation of the Presbytery, and appcared uncommonly qualified for the work of the ministry. He seems to be armed with a great deal of self-denial, and animated with a noble zeat to propagate the gospel among those barbarous nations, who have long dwelt in the darkness of Heathenism."
FROM HIS ORDINATION, TILL HE FIRST BEGAN TO PREACH TO
THE INDIANS at CROSWEEKSUNG, AMONG WHOM HE HAD HIS MOST REMARKABLE SUCCESS.
Wednesday, June 13. (1744.] Spent some considerable time in writing an account of the Indian affairs to go to Scotland; some, in conversation with friends; but enjoyed not much sweetness and satisfaction,
Thursday, June 14. Received some particular kindness from friends, and wondered, that God should open the hearts of any to treat nie with kindness: saw myself to be unworthy of any favour from God, or any of my fellow-men.
Was much exercised with pain in my head; however I determined to set out on my journey towards Delaware in the afternoon; but when the afternoon came, my pain increased exceedingly; so that I was obliged to betake myself to bed. The night following, I was greatly distressed with pain and sickness; was sometimes almost bereaved of the exercise of reason by the extremity of pain. Continued much distressed till Saturday, when I was somewhat relieved by an emetic: but was unable to walk abroad till the Monday following, in the afternoon; and still remained very feeble. I often admired the goodness of God, that he did not suffer me to proceed on my journey from this place where I was so tenderly used, and to be sick by the way among strangers.—God is very gracious to me, both in health and sickness, and intermingles much mercy with all my afflictions and toils. Enjoyed some sweetness in things divine, in the midst of my pain and weakness. O that I could praise the Lord !
On Tuesday, June 19. He set out on his journey home, and in three days reached his place, near the Forks of Delaware. Peformed the journey under much weakness of body; but had comfort in his soul, from day 10 day: and both his weakness of body, and consolation of mind, continued through the week.
Lord's day, June 24. Extremely feeble; scarce able to walk : however visited my Indians, and took much pains to instruct them; laboured with some that were much disaffected to Christianitv. My mind was much burdened with the weight Vol. III
and difficulty of my work. My whole dependence and hope of success seemed to be on God; who alone I saw could make them willing to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in prayer, sending up silent requests to God, even while I was speaking to them. O that I could always go in the strength of the Lord !
Monday, June 25. Was something better in health than of late; was able to spend a considerable part of the day in prayer and close studies. Had more freedom and fervency in prayer than usual of late; especially longed for the presence of God in my work, and that the poor Heathen might be converted. And in evening prayer my faith and hope in God were much raised. To an eye of reason every thing that respects the conversion of the Heathen is as dark as midnight; and
yet I cannot but hope in God for the accomplishment of something glorious among them. My soul longed much for the advancement of the Redeemer's kingdom on earth. Was very fearful lest I should admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I then had of divine things. O for an abiding heavenly temper!
Tuesday, June 26. In the morning, my desires seemed to rise, and ascend up freely to God. Was busy most of the day in translating prayers into the language of the Delaware Indians; met with great difficulty, by reason that my interpreter was altogether unacquainted with the business. But though I was much discouraged with the extreme difficulty of that work, yet God supported me; and especially in the evening, gave me sweet refreshment. In prayer my soul was enlarged, and my faith drawn into sensible exercise; was enabled to cry to God for my poor Indians; and though the work of their conversion appeared impossible with man, yet with God I saw all things were possible. My faith was much strengthened, by observing the wonderful assistance God afforded his servants Nehemiah and Ezra, in reforming his people, and reestablishing his ancient church. I was much assisted in prayer for dear Christian friends, and for others that I apprebended to be Christless; but was more especially concerned for the poor Heathen, and those of my own charge: was enabled to be instant in prayer for them; and hoped that God would bow the heavens and come down for their salvation. It seemed to me, there could be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious work, seeing the living God, as I strongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in a soleinn frame, lifting up my heart to God for assistance and grace, that I might be