out ;-or elfe we are all crammed into a little parlour, and fmothered, by the way of being cleanly. To accomplish this, the ftairs being juft fcoured down, we are all commanded to go up bare-footed, tho' at the risk of a tertian ague, or a fore throat. Early in the morning the fervants are rung up, and for the operation of the morning dreffed accordingly and tho fmart enough on other occafions, yet to fee them in their Saturday's garb, for the mop and broom rencounter, you would fwear they were Sybils, or Norwood Fortune-tellers. One of our girls, who is little and handfome, to accommodate herself to the task, is obliged to lower her head-drefs half a foot, and put on a close flat mob; as well as to defcend from her stilts, which are ufually worn instead of fhoes but when out of them, fhe looks like Titania, who had been misled by that merry wag and night-wan. derer, mafter Puck, To get at the breakfast room, I am under the neceffity of wading over the fhoes; and if I am not very accurate in my steerage, I am fure to tumble over a pail, or break my shins across the mop. The weather hath nothing to do with this aquatic operation. Froft or fnow, dry or wet, the houfe must be cleaned on that day; and while we are at breakfast, every door and win dow is opened to give a quick current to the air, that the rooms may be dried foon. By this means, unlefs clothed in furr, I am perifhed to death, and fure to take cold. Arguments avail nothing. Miftref fes and fervants are combined in the watry plot, and fwim or drown is the only defpotic alternative. VOL. XVII. Sometimes I have pleaded for a room that hath not been used in the week ;-but in vain the word wash is general, and all muft float, from the garret to the cellar. I once or twice in my life ventured to take a peep at the Cook and the Kitchen; but, to be fure, no Fury could look fo fierce; her hair was dishevelled about her shoulders-fhe mounted on high pattens, her dreffers covered with pots and pans, and her face all befmeared with foot and brickduft. The animals, too, upon this day of execution, skulk into holes and corners the dogs retreat with their tails between their legs to the ftable-and poor domeftic pufs is obliged to afcend a beer-barrel in the cellar by way of throne, where the purs away her time, longing for the return of the dove and the olive-branch, as much as Noah did in the old furgebeaten ark. But thefe misfortunes are not all-My Lady wife, and all the maids, as if by intuition or agreement, or infpiration, or devilish witchcraft, are all in the dumps : they univerfally put on one face; and by the lip of Hebe I fwear, for thefe last twelve years I have not feen a Saturday fmile on their fair faces. I have often thought Mr. Addifon took his hint of the first fpeech in his Cato from the last day of the week at his house; for great wits are very apt to adopt fublime paffages from very ludicrous hints; and tho' fome people may call it a parody, I am rather inclined to believe it an original thought. The dawn is overcaft, the morning lowers, And heavily in clouds brings on the day; O Th The important Saturday, My ftyle, I fear, upon this dank fubject carries with it fome plea fantry; and if fo, it is far from my intentions that it should for if one theme more than another can bring the chill of dulnefs over my fenfes, 'tis this, whenever it arifes humidly to my mind. My miferies are not to be enumerated at once; and I dare fay, what is my misfortune is the woeful mifchance of many other worthy and unlucky gentlemen.. I am too often troubled with a bilious complaint, which is not very civil in the notice given, and confequently coming upon a perfon fuddenly, it puts him to a precipitate retreat: upon fuch occafions there is no other relief but the Temple of Cloa; whereto I as naturally fly in fuch a momentous case, as a Portugueze does to the church for protection and relief. Here, ye River Gods, attend! Naiads of the ftream, and Nereids of the wave-here poffefs your own hall for it is more fit for fishes than for men! One of your own mermaids hath been before me; and where I meant to place the dignity of my bottom, I with tears behold it wet wet wet! To fly is in vain muft run the risk of the chin-cough in my latter end, or an endless difgrace to my fmallclothes. Pity my diftrefs; for 'tis danger ous to pursue the theme further, for fear of greater accidents!Ad mea perpetuum deducite tempora cař men! This Saturday carries with it a general perfecution. It is not that we are harraffed from room to room,-floated from the cellar to the garret-washed out of the house of eafe and starved to death with thorough airs (than which there is nothing worse), but our ftomachs, our craving bellies, pinch for it too. Nothing is to be fouled all is to be referved for Sunday.—The dinner must be made of fmall fcraps-the pantry must be cleared, tho' the offals are mufly, and the bread is mouldy. If a friend, quite regardless of his own felicity, attempts to fwim, like the adventurous Leander, through files and forefts of implements of cleanlinefs, and gains the fire-fide, a thoufand apologies are made for the Saturday's dinner-with, " I "know him; fuch a one knows "what's what and Saturday's "Saturday every where." I feel confused for fuch excufe; but the laws of Media and Perfia will fooner give way, than the adopted tyranny fupported once a week in every manfion. I very often," to keep off the ague, draw a cork extraordinary, for there is pofitively nothing elfe left for it ;and if, by misfortune, a drop of wine fullies the bright bath lackered table, my lady rifes with the dignity of a pontif, and with a rubber labours for twenty minutes against the fpot:-for our tables, you must know, ever fince we got the receipt at Speen hamland for cleaning mahogany, would ferve the purpofe of looking glaffes ; ➡ and this is the brightest jewel in our diadem. Now, tho' my Ladywife poffeffeth the virtues of Dian -yet, the plagues of Egypt never came came on the natives once a week, in our own language; and unlefs to which we are bound to fubmit,-you, or fome other popular writer in fpite of every argument falutary and feftive. I know but one wedded fair one who is a happy contradiction to this weekly rule of conduct-which is Bellaflora; who never is difturbed by the washing; who always hath the fame table covered, and the fame temper to grace it; who never confiders cleanlinefs further than as conducive to decency and health; and then embraces fuch opportunities, that the very cat of the family fhall not be under the diftrefs of wetting her feet. The morning, early, is ufed to adjust thefe matters-the night, late or absent hours, which fall to the portion of every family. I would not wish the Scotch days of Cromwell to return amongst us, when houfes in the city of Glafgow were only cleanfed on family deaths and chriftenings; which filth Oliver in fome refpects removed, by command to fhovel out the dirt daily. But tho' cleanlinefs may be carried to a fault, yet I would rather have it, with all its inconveniencies, than Scotch filth. as univerfally read, will interpofe in its favour, this old member of the alphabet will perhaps foon be entirely cut off. Your good offices, however, are not much to be expected; for tho' we formerly heard of fuch a refpectable fubftantive as the Publick, we daily fee you rejecting this old fervant, and giving us a Paper entitled The Public Advertiser. To reconcile orthography to ftrict pronunciation is fantastical, ridiculous, and illiterate. It originally relished of etymology, and in written Speech fome etymolo gical traces ever fhould remain. Honeft K has long ftood in our language as a memorial of its origin; and as the Greek x is reprefented in English by the letters ch, fo the final que of the French was formerly fignified by the English k. But fashion, fearful of pedantry, gives no quarter to etymelogy. The Public are invited, by your advertisements, to performances Tragic and Comic, and concerts of Mufic; and, to our utter aftonishment, a modern dramatic poet has announced The ChoN. leRic Man, under the auspices of Mr. Garrie, whofe Gallick genealogy and Gallick Patronymick are To the Printer of the Public Adver- univerfally known, and who has SIR, Ν tifer. IN my boyish days I remember reading in Bufoy's English Grammar of the Latin Tongue, that "Kwas out of fashion." That poor, unfortunate letter is now almoft equally unfashionable himself fo largely contributed to render immortal the name of Garricque. Tamely to follow fafhions is poor and fervile: to run before them argues a great and lively genius. Content not yourself therefore, Mr. Woodfall, with the prefent partial detruncation of the final k, but boldly lop it off from O 2 every every word wherein it now occurs, will crac of your exploits in bring and do equal juftice to the Quicing this king log to the Bloc. and the dead. The Tric is easily played; let ambition pric the fides of your intent; the multitude will floc after you. The Critics cannot find fault with you for following their own example, and the whole Republic of letters I am, Sir, Your humble fervant, BLAC and all BLAC Berwic-ftreet, POETRY. POETRY. RETALIATION: a POEM. By Doctor GOLDSMITH. THE title and nature of this POEM, fhew that it owed its birth to fome preceding circumftances of feftive merriment, which, from the wit of the company, and the very ingenious Author's peculiar oddities, were probably enlivened by fome poignant ftrokes of humour. This piece was only intended for the Doctor's private amusement, and that of the particular friends who were its fubject; and he unfortunately did not live to rewife, or even finish it, in the manner which be intended. The Public have, however, already fhewn, bow much they avere pleased with its appearance, even in its prefent form. The Notes, which we have made use of, are taken from the 5th edition, publifhed by Kearsley. F old, when Scarron his companions invited, Each guest brought his dish, and the feaft was united; And (e) Dick with his pepper, shall heighten their favour: (a) The mafter of the St. James's coffee-house, where the Doctor, and the friends he has characterized in this Poem, held an occafional club. (b) Doctor Barnard, Dean of Derry in Ireland, author of many ingenious pieces. (c) Mr. Edmund Burke, member for Wendover, and one of the greatest orators in this kingdom. (d) Mr. Williain Burke, late Secretary to General Conway, and member for Bedwin. (e) Mr. Richard Burke, Collector of Granada, no lefs remarkable in the walks of wit and humour than his brother Edmund Burke is justly distinguished in all the branches of useful and polite literature, 0 3 Our |