gery; I don't care a cent for Mary, next door; I'll marry you to-morrow.

MARGERY (beating Mr. Felix). Help! help!

MRS. F. Margery, how dare you touch my husband!

Tenpenny wrenching himself free, aims with his whip at Mr. F. Mrs. F. starting from her chair, throws her arms about Mr. F.

MR. F. Let me free, false Evelyn!

MRS. F.

Never! never!

only over my corpse!

He reaches your dear brains

Margery with a shriek has run to the chair where Mrs. F. has been seated, and now holds up the ruins of a black silk hat.

TENPENNY. Look! That's the hat I stole, is it?
MARGERY (running into his arms). O Tom!

MR. F. Evelyn, you have saved my life!

MRS. F. O Fred, I sat upon your hat! I must have placed it on the chair when I took my gloves. Forgive me, forgive me! I despise Charley Gibson-he's worse than an idiot. And now that I know what I have found in you

MARGERY. Tom, now that I know what I've found in

you

TENPENNY. Now that I know what my eye has found in Mr. Felix's fist

MR. F. Now that I have found my hat!-ah! we shall not be very late, Evelyn. Where's my other hat?

Mr. and Mrs. F. embrace, as do Tenpenny and Margery, while curtain falls.

THE STUDENT AND HIS NEIGHBORS.

N. A. WOODWARD.

CHARACTERS.

DEEPTHOUGHT, an ambitious student.
GRABALL, a narrow-minded miser.
VAN KOOT, an ignorant Dutchman.
SWAGGER, a gentleman-at-large.
SOBERSENSE, an intelligent farmer.

NOISYBREATH, a garrulous politician.

O'MULLIGAN, an Irish servant.

STEEPLETOP, a young man of pretensions.

SCENE I.-Deepthought's study. Deepthought discovered, busily

engaged with his books.

DEEPTHOUGHT. Well, here I am, almost as ignorant as ever. I have, 'tis true, been studying for some four or five years past, and have a tolerably complete knowledge of several of the sciences; yet there are so many kinds of desirable information of which I know but little, that it seems as if I had only learned enough to see my own ignorance. I see plainly, that I must increase my diligence, and study fourteen or fifteen instead of twelve hours a day. I am determined yet to know something and be somebody.

Enter Noisybreath.

NOISYBREATH. How now, Deepthought, always at your books. Plodding, plodding, always plodding. Why, I should think you would die. Latin, Greek, Algebra-what dry stuff! But, have you heard the news? Our congressman, Anthony Dough face, elected. Esquire Skillet goes to the legislature, and Pandersly is, in all probability, elected governor, and most likely our candidate for the presidency has succeeded. Glory enough for one day! Hurrah! How can you study at such a time?

DEEP. Study! Why, I should rather suppose you would ask how I can be idle; you can hardly conceive how igno rant I find myself. To discipline the mind properly, and store it with knowledge, requires the utmost diligence.

Nor. Discipline the mind and store it with knowledge! Why, you know enough already. If you would only read

the party papers a little, and keep up with all the shifts and turns of the leaders, you might go round stumping it, and soon get elected to the legislature, or to congress. But here comes our mutual friend, Graball. I must tell him the news. (Enter Graball.) Good morning, friend Graball.

Have you heard the news?

GRABALL. What news? Have any of the banks broken? Who's failed? Have stocks fallen? Anybody gone to Canada? Will our railroad be built?

Nor. Oh, no! Better than all these.

GRA. Has the steamer got in, and wheat risen? A famine in Europe, I suppose.

Nor. No such thing.

GRA. Why, what then? Come, out with it. Don't keep me in suspense. I can't endure it. I don't take the papers, I can't afford to these hard times. Let's have the news.

Nor. Why, our congressman is certainly elected. Skillet goes to the legislature again, beyond a doubt, and Pandersly is most likely the governor-elect, and our candidate for the presidency victorious. Glorious, glorious! We are ahead everywhere. The flag of the enemy trails in the dust. The country is safe.

GRA. Oh, it's only some of your politics! What do you suppose I care for all such glorious news? Will it put money in my pocket? Will it bake my bread, or advance the price of village lots, stocks, or make it in any way easier for a man to live in these hard times? None of this. Nothing like it. I'd like to see the penny it will bring to my fob.

NoI. But it's a great victory. them, and said so all the time. the telegraphic account from the pected.

I knew we should beat

But I must be going, for east is every minute ex[Exit Noisybreath.

GRA. That fellow is eternally harping on politics. With him it's politics in the morning, politics at noon, and politics at night. He has spent his whole time, this six months, in electioneering, and although he has been once elected chairman of a political meeting, and twice secretary, he has not got in sight of a good, fat office yet. He expects to be postmaster, but he will be sadly disappointed. Well, Deepthought, how are you?

DEEP. In good health, I thank you. How does Mr. Graball find himself?

GRA. Very tolerable, considering how hard the times are, money so scarce, and the price of bread-stuffs so variable. How in the world can you afford to spend your time poring over these musty books? Why, you will never be worth a cent in the world.

DEEP. Well, if I should never be worth a great amount of property, I shall, at least, have the consolation of not remaining entirely ignorant of the great truths and discoveries of science, at the very noon of the nineteenth century.

GRA. Ignorant-science! Pooh! you will not be able to leave your children anything, when you die.

DEEP. I shail, at least, I hope, leave them the example of one who never worshiped Mammon.

GRA. Fine talk; sounds well,--but it won't buy bread, it won't clothe you, or give you shelter. Better sell your books, buy no more, give up study, work hard, spend but little, and you may yet be worth a little property,--say a few thousand. DEEP. And have very little capacity to enjoy anything. GRA. Tut! tut! Don't say that to me. Don't you think I am happy as you can be, spending your weary days and nights over the dusty cobwebs of antiquity? Besides, were you to sell all your knowledge at the end of ten years' study, it would not fetch much. Very poor stock, indeed. It wouldn't bring dollars and cents. It wouldn't buy food and clothing these hard times. Come, come, I say, throw your books to the dogs,-do as I tell you, and I will make a rich man of you, and then you will be somebody.

DEEP. Mr. Graball, I am very much obliged to you for your advice; but you are aware that riches often take to themselves wings. Many of your rich men flourish for awhile, and after all become poor and die so.

GRA. No need of it, positively none,-don't financier right. Only look out whom you trust. Watch the market, take advantage of the times, let books alone, except the daybook and ledger, and you will be rich and respected.

DEEP. Should riches secure the respect of others, it would hardly secure self-respect, and without this, the respect of others is of very little avail.

GRA. At it again-fine talk-sounds well, but it won't bring the dollars. It won't make the coin rattle in your pockets. It won't fill them with silver; and empty pockets are sad affairs. An empty purse will not stand upright, you know. Besides, your old coat is getting threadbare, and study won't buy a new one. Come, I say, give up study, it's all trash-give it up, and I will give you a clerkship in my store, and when you have been there six months, or a year, I will pay you a fine salary, say ten dollars a month, and you can make money like dirt. Come, what do you say to that? DEEP. Mr. Graball, I am very much obliged to you for your very generous offer, but

GRA. Come-no buts-only say the word, and your fortune is made.

DEEP. Sir, I must say, that my duty to myself compels me to decline. But it is time to attend recitation, and I must leave you. Good evening. [Exit Deepthought.

GRA. Good evening. If that is not one of the most stubborn fellows that I ever saw. Why, he will stick to his books till he dies, and he'll always be as poor as Job's cat. Well, I was in hopes to have made something out of him. Let me see; if he had accepted my offer, I might have saved a cool hundred a year. But no; the fates have ruled otherwise. I have lain awake these three nights past, trying to think how I might save a part, or all, of Johnson's salary. But it's of no use. A man can't save much in these hard times. It is all out-goes and no income. I shall die a poor man yet. (After a pause.) Ah, yes! Lucky I thought of it. There is my Roland farm. I shouldn't wonder if I could go and sell it to old Mr. Van Koot, the Dutchman. He can never pay for it; but then he has got laid by about a thousand dollars, which I can pocket. Do that, and I can afford to keep my clerk a little longer. [Exit Graball.

SCENE II.-Room of Deepthought. Van Koot discovered. Enter Swagger.

VAN KOOT. Goot evenin', mister vat you call um. SWAGGER. Good evening. My name is Napoleon Swagger, Esq., commonly called "Nape Swag," at your service, sir. I am the gentleman who smokes cigars, and drinks small beer