shall suffer for this! (Shakes the two old ladies, who come back to consciousness.) Come, wake up, old girls! Revenge! They feebly rise and glare at Ernestine, then all three join in the cry, “Revenge! revenge!”

SCENE III. Same room as before. All the old ladies; Ambrose; Ernest; all the girls.

AMBROSE. Well, dear ladies, I hope you have finished your deliberations satisfactorily.

A person of taste

Does nothing in haste.

And surely three persons of such excellent taste require a very lengthy time for consideration.

MME. MOORPILTZ (grimly). Yes, my friend, and we have called your household together in order to give them a specimen of our excellent taste. You do not know, perhaps, that we have been called here by the will of the late Countess to decide which of your seven daughters is the ugliest. ALL THE GIRLS (astonished). The ugliest!

MME. KUNKEL. Yes, a charming fancy!

MME. MOUSETOOTH. Dear, departed Countess! How refreshing! How original!

MME. MOORPILTZ. And we all agree in declaring (all rise and speak together with great emphasis) that the loveliest is Rosa; the ugliest, Ernestine!

ERNEST (with the greatest delight). The ugliest, Ernestine! Oh, say it again!

MME. KUNKEL. In face and character!

ERNEST (embracing the old ladies in turn). Angels of heaven! Dearest friends! Accept my warmest thanks! I bless you a thousand times! I am the happiest man in the world!

AMBROSE (regretfully; aside). The wound-balsam did no good! His poor head is quite light! I always thought he was a little unsound on the subject of animal magnetism!

ERNEST (to Ernestine). Come forward, chosen of my heart! You are mine,-you, as well as the castle, lands, forests, woods, and waters! Father, will you give me your daughter? AMBROSE. HOW? What? (Aside.) If I only felt sure that his head was quite right.

ERNEST. Read that paragraph! (He reads.) "All this

property to be his forever, in case he marries the ugliest of the seven daughters of my friend Ambrose." And Ernestine is the ugliest!

MME. MOORPILTZ (impressively). We've been fooled, old girls! ERNESTINE (imploringly). Forgive me, dear ladies, for having been so rude! Love taught me deceit, but now I wish to atone for it. (To Madame Kunkel.) Your Molly's adventures were quite fictitious,-she sleeps sweetly on the white pillow in my room!

MME. KUNKEL (joyfully). My Molly! Is it possible?

ERNESTINE (to Madame Mousetooth). Your bottles are quite safe, dear lady, and the beauty-water-which indeed you do not need-is unharmed. To-morrow a flask of Persian oil of roses will be sent you as a peace-offering. (To Madame Moorpiltz.) Forgive the rudeness I offered you, and accept from Ernest a snuff-box with your monogram in diamonds. And now, can you forgive me?

ALL THREE LADIES (blandly). We forgive!

ERNESTINE. Now father, dear father, your consent, your blessing!

AMBROSE (wiping his eyes). My dear, I knew something of this kind was going to happen, such a singular twitching in my left eye,--always a sign of weeping! (Joins their hands.) But after this I will put no more faith in unlucky numbers, for I have gained a most charming and desirable son-in-law, because my little Tina was

ALL. The ugliest of seven!

Curtain falls.

SCENE FROM THE RIVALS.-R. B. SHERIDAN.

CHARACTERS.

SIR ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.

CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.

FAG, a servant.

SCENE.-Capt. Absolute's lodgings. Capt. Absolute seated at table. Enter Fag.

FAG. Sir, there is a gentleman below desires to see you. Shall I show him into the parlor?

ABSOLUTE. Ay-you may. Stay; who is it, Fag?
FAG. Your father, sir.

ABS. You puppy, why didn't you show him up directly? (Exit Fag.) Now for a parental lecture. I wish the gout had held him fast in Devonshire, with all my soul! (Enter Sir Anthony Absolute.) Sir, I am delighted to see you here, looking so well! your sudden arrival at Bath made me apprehensive for your health.

SIR ANTHONY. Very apprehensive, I dare say, Jack.What, you are recruiting here, hey?

A BS.

Yes, sir, I am on duty.

SIR ANTH. Well, Jack, I am glad to see you, though I did not expect it, for I was going to write to you on a little matter of business. Jack, I have been considering that I grow old and infirm, and shall probably not trouble you long.

ABS. Pardon me, sir, I never saw you look more strong and hearty; and I pray frequently that you may continue so. SIR ANTH. I hope your prayers may be heard, with all my heart. Well then, Jack, I have been considering that I am so strong and hearty I may continue to plague you a long time. Now, Jack, I am sensible that the income of your commission, and what I have hitherto allowed you, is but a small pittance for a lad of your spirit.

ABS. Sir, you are very good.

SIR ANTHI. And it is my wish, while yet I live, to have my boy make some figure in the world. I have resolved, therefore, to fix you at once in a noble independence.

ABS. Sir, your kindness overpowers me; such generosity makes the gratitude of reason more lively than the sensa tions even of filial affection.

SIR ANTH. I am glad you are so sensible of my attention

-and you shall be master of a large estate in a few weeks. ABS. Let my future life, sir, speak my gratitude; I cannot express the sense I have of your munificence. Yet, sir, I presume you would not wish me to quit the army? SIR ANTH. Oh, that shall be as your wife chooses. ABS. My wife, sir!

SIR ANTH. Ay, ay, settle that between you, settle that between you.

ABS. A wife, sir, did you say?

SIR ANTH. Ay, a wife-why, did not I mention her before? ABS. Not a word of her, sir.

SIR ANTH. Odds so!-I mustn't forget her, though.-Yes, Jack, the independence I was talking of is by a marriage; the fortune is saddled with a wife, but I suppose that makes no difference.

ABS. Sir! sir!—you amaze me!

SIR ANTH. Why, what's the matter with the fool? Just now you were all gratitude and duty.

ABS. I was, sir; you talked to me of independence and a fortune, but not a word of a wife.

SIR ANTH. Why, what difference does that make? Odds life, sir! if you have the estate, you must take it with the live stock on it, as it stands.

ABS. If my happiness is to be the price, I must beg leave to decline the purchase. Pray, sir, who is the lady?

SIR ANTH. What's that to you, sir? Come, give me your promise to love, and to marry her directly.

ABS. Sure, sir, this is not very reasonable, to summon my affections for a lady I know nothing of!

SIR ANTH. I am sure, sir, 'tis more unreasonable in you to object to a lady you know nothing of.

ABS. Then, sir, I must tell you plainly that my inclinations are fixed on another; my heart is engaged to an angel. SIR ANTH. Then pray let it send an excuse. It is very sorry, but business prevents its waiting on her. ABS. But my vows are pledged to her.

SIR ANTH. Let her foreclose, Jack; let her foreclose; they are not worth redeeming; besides, you have the angel's vows in exchange, I suppose; so there can be no loss there. ABS. You must excuse me, sir, if I tell you, once for all, that in this point I cannot obey you.

SIR ANTH. Hark'ee, Jack;-I have heard you for some time with patience; I have been cool, quite cool; but take care, you know I am compliance itself-when I am not thwarted; no one more easily led-when I have my own way; but don't put me in a frenzy.

ABS. Sir, I must repeat it ;-in this I cannot obey you. SIR ANTH. Now hang me! if ever I call you Jack again! ABS. Nay, sir, but hear me.

SIR ANTH. Sir, I won't hear a word, not a word! not one word! so give me your promise by a nod-and I'll tell you what, Jack—I mean, you dog—if you don't

ABS. What, sir, promise to link myself to some mass of ugliness! to

SIR ANTH. Zounds! sirrah! the lady shall be as ugly as I choose: she shall have a hump on each shoulder; she shall be as crooked as the crescent; her one eye shall roll like the bull's in Cox's Museum; she shall have a skin like a mummy, and the beard of a Jew; she shall be all this, sirrah!-yet I will make you ogle her all day, and sit up all night to write sonnets on her beauty.

ABS. This is reason and moderation indeed!

SIR. ANTH. None of your sneering, puppy! no grinning, jackanapes!

ABS. Indeed, sir, I never was in a worse humor for mirth in my life.

SIR ANTH. "Tis false, sir, I know you are laughing in your sleeve; I know you'll grin when I am gone, sirrah!

ABS. Sir, I hope I know my duty better.

SIR ANTH. None of your passion, sir! none of your violence, if you please! it won't do with me, I promise you. ABS. Indeed, sir, I never was cooler in my life.

SIR ANTH. 'Tis a confounded lie!-I know you are in a passion in your heart; I know you are, you hypocritical young dog; but it won't do.

ABS. Nay, sir, upon my word

SIR ANTH. So you will fly out! can't you be cool like me? What good can passion do? Passion is of no service, you impudent, insolent, overbearing reprobate! There, you sneer again! don't provoke me!--but you rely upon the mildness of my temper, you do, you dog! you play upon the meekness of my disposition! Yet take care-the patience