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from every other branch of learning, why should it be *articularly adhered to in this 2 I flainly foresee how such a method of investigation must embarrass every suit, and even fierfile c the student ; ceremonies will be multiflied, formalities must increase, and more time wit! thus be ssient in learning the arts of litigation than in the discovery of right. I see, cries my friend, that you are sor a speedy administration of justice, but all the world will grant that the more time that is taken up in considering any subject the better it will be understood. Besides, it is the boast of an Englishman, that his property is secure, and all the world will grant that a deliberate administration of justice is the best way to secure his froñerty. Why have we so many lawyers, but to secure our frofuerty, why so many formalities, but to secure our firosherty 2 Not less than one hundred thousand families live in opulence, elegance and ease, merely by securing our frosierty. To embarrass justice, returned I, by a multiplicity of: aws, or to hazard it by a confidence in our judges, are, I grant, the opposite rocks on which legislative wisdom has ever split; in one case the client resembles that emperor, who is said to have been suffocated with the bedclothes, which were only designed to keep him warm : in the other, to that town which let the enemy take possession of its walls, in order to show the world how little they depended upon aught but courage for safety:-But bless me, what numbers do I see here—all in black—how is it possible that half this multitude find employment? Nothing so easily conceived, returned my companion, they live by watching each other. For instance, the catchpole watches the man in debt, the attorney watches the catchpole, the counsellor watches the attorney, the solicitor the counsellor, and all find sufficient employment. I conceive you, interrupted I, they watch each other, but it is the client that pays them all for watching ; it puts me in mind of a Chinese fable, which is intituled, Five animals at a meal. A grasshopper filled with dew, was merrily singing under a shade ; a whangam that eats grasshoppers had marked it for its prey, and was just stretching forth to devour it; a serpent that had for a long time fed only on whangams, was coiled up to fasten on the whangam ; a yellow bird was just upon the wing to dart upon the serpent; a hawk had just stooped from above to seize the yellow bird; all were intent on their prey, and unmindful of their danger: so the whangam eat the grasshopper, the serpent eat the whangam, the yellow bird the serpent, and the hawk the yellow bird; when sousing from on high, a vulture gobbled up the hawk, grasshopper, whangam, and all in a monnent. I had scarcely finished my fable, when the lawyer came to inform my friend, that his cause was put of till another term, that money was wanted to retain, and that all the world was of opinion, that the very next hearing would bring him off victorious. If so, then, cries my friend, I believe it will be my wisest way to continue the cause for another term, and in the mean time, my friend here and I will go and see Bedlam. Adieu,
I LATELY received a visit from the little beau, who I found had assumed a new flow of spirits with a new suit of clothes. Our discourse happened to turn upon the different treatment of the fair sex here and in Asia, with the influence of beauty in refining our manners and improving our conversation. I soon perceived he was strongly prejudiced in favour of the Asiatic method of treating the sex, and that it was impossible to persuade him, but that a man was happier who had four wives at his command, than he who had only one. “It is true,” cries he, “ your men of fashion in the East are “slaves, and under some terrors of having their throats squeezed by a bow-string; but what then? they can find ample consolation in a seraglio ; they make indeed an indifferent figure in conversation abroad, but then they have a seraglio to console them at home. I am told they have no balls, drums, nor operas, but then they have got a seraglio; they may be deprived of wine and French cookery, but they have a seraglio ; a seraglio, a seraglio, my dear creature, wipes off every inconve* nience in the world. “Besides, I am told, your Asiatic beauties are the “ most convenient women alive, for they have no
“souls; positively there is nothing in Nature I should
like so much as ladies without souls; soul here is * the utter ruin of half the sex. A girl of eighteen shall have soul enough to spend an hundred pounds “ in the turning of a trump. Her mother shall have “soul enough to ride a sweepstake match at a horse“ race ; her maiden aunt shall have soul enough to “ purchase the furniture of a whole toy shop, and “ others shall have soul enough to behave as if they “ had no souls at all.” With respect to the soul, interrupted I, the Asiatics are much kinder to the fair sex than you imagine; instead of one soul, Fohi the idol of China gives every woman three ; the Bramins give them fifteen ; and even Mahomet himself no where excludes the sex from Paradise. Abulfeda reports, that an old woman one day importuning him to know what she ought to do in order to gain Paradise : My good Lady, answered the Prophet, old women never get there ; what, never get to Paradise, returned the matron, in a fury! Never, says he, for they always grow young by the way. No, Sir, continued I, the men of Asia behave with more deference to the sex than you secm to imagine. As you of Europe say grace, upon sitting down to dinner, so it is the custom in China to say grace, when a man goes to bed to his wife. And may I die, returned my companion, but a very firetty ceremony; for seriously, Sir, I see no reason why a man should not be as grateful in one situation as in the other. Usion homour, I always.find myself much more disfiosed to gratitude, on the couch of a fine woman, than usion sitting down to a surloin of beef. Another ceremony, said I, resuming the conversation, in favour of the sex amongst us, is the bride's being allowed after marriage, her three days of freedom. During this intervala thousand extravagancies are practised by either sex. The lady is placed upon
her perfumed handkerchief, another attempts to untie her garters, a third pulls off her shoe to play hunt the slipper, another pretends to be an ideot, and endeavours to raise a laugh by grimacing; in the mean time, the glass goes briskly about, till ladies, gentlemen, wife, husband, and all are mixed together in one inundation of arrack punch.
“Strike me dumb, deaf, and blind, cried my com“ panion, but very pretty; there is some sense in “ your Chinese ladies’ condescensions; but among “ us, you shall scarcely find one of the whole sex that “shall hold her good humour for three days togeth“er. No later than yesterday I happened to say “ some civil things to a citizen's wife of my acquain“tance, not because I loved, but because I had chari“ ty; and what do you think was the tender creature’s “ reply. Only that she detested my pigtail wig, high “ heeled shoes, and sallow complexion. That is all. “ Nothing more | Yes, by the heavens, though she “ was more ugly than an unpainted actress, I found “ her more insolent than a thorough bred woman of “ quality.”
He was proceeding in this wild manner, when his invective was interrupted by the man in black, who entered the apartment, introducing his niece, a young lady of exquisite beauty. Her very appearance was sufficient to silence the severest satyrist of the sex; easy without pride, and free without impudence, she seemed capable of supplying every sense with pleasure; her looks, her conversation were natural and unconstrained; she had neither been taught to languish nor ogle, to laugh without a jest, or sigh without sorrow. I found that she had just returned from abroad, and had been conversant in the manners of the world. Curiosity prompted me to ask several questions, but