timber enough in it to build sixteen large men-ofwar. Talking one day of Chinese waggons, which were made so light as to sail over mountains, "Zounds," said Peter, "where's the wonder of that? I swear I saw a large house of lime and stone travel over sea and land, granting that it stopped sometimes to bait, above two thousand German leagues."* And that which was the good of it, he would swear desperately all the while that he never told a lie in his life; and every word, "I swear, gentlemen, I tell you nothing but the truth; and may they broil eternally that will not believe me." In short, Peter grew so scandalous, that all the neighbourhood began in plain words to say he was no better than a knave. And his two brothers, long weary of his ill usage, resolved at last to leave him; but first they humbly desired a copy of their father's will, which had now lain by neglected time out of mind. Instead of granting this request, he called them "rogues, traitors," and the rest of the vile names if all the wood that is shown for parts of it was collected, the quantity would sufficiently justify this sarcasm.—Hawkes. The chapel of Loretto. He falls here only upon the ridiculous invention of Popery. The Church of Rome intended by these things to gull silly, superstitious people, and rook them out of their money. The world had been too long in slavery, but our ancestors gloriously redeemed us from that yoke. The Church of Rome therefore ought to be exposed, and he deserves well of mankind that does expose it.-W. Wotton. Ibid. The chapel of Loretto, which travelled from the Holy Land to Italy. he could muster up. However, while he was abroad one day upon his projects, the two youngsters watched their opportunity, made a shift to come at the will, and took a copia vera,* by which they presently saw how grossly they had been abused, their father having left them equal heirs, and strictly commanded that whatever they got should lie in common among them all. Pursuant to which, their next enterprise was to break open the cellar door, and get a little good drink to spirit and comfort their hearts. In copying the will they had met another precept against divorce and separate maintenance, and other evil practices of their brother Peter, upon which their next work was to discard their concubines and send for their wives. Whilst all this was in agitation there enters a solicitor from Newgate, desiring Lord Peter would please to procure pardon for a thief that was to be hanged tomorrow. But the two brothers told him he was a coxcomb to seek pardons from a fellow who deserved to be hanged much better than his client; and discovered all the method of that imposture in the same form I delivered it a while ago, advising the solicitor to put his friend upon obtaining a pardon from the king. In the midst of all this clutter and revolution in comes Peter with a file of dragoons at his heels; and gathering from all hands what was in the wind, * Translated the Scriptures into the vulgar tongue. he and his gang, after several millions of scurrilities and curses, not very important here to repeat, by main force very fairly kick them both out of doors, and would never let them come under his roof from that day to this. SECTION V. A DIGRESSION IN THE MODERN KIND. HE, whom the world is pleased to honour with the title of modern authors, should never have been able to compass our great design of an everlasting remembrance, and never-dying fame, if our endeavours had not been so highly serviceable to the general good of mankind. This, O Universe! is the adventurous attempt of me thy secretary; Quemvis preferre laborem Suadet, et inducit noctes vigilare serenas. To this end, I have some time since, with a world of pains and art, dissected the carcass of human nature, and read many useful lectures upon the several parts both containing and contained, till at last it smelled so strong I could preserve it no longer. Upon which I have been at a great expense to fit up all the bones with exact contexture, and in due symmetry, so that I am ready to show a very complete U anatomy thereof to all curious "gentlemen and others." But not to digress further in the midst of a digression, as I have known some authors enclose digressions in one another, like a nest of boxes, I do affirm, that having carefully cut up human nature, I have found a very strange, new, and important discovery-that the public good of mankind is performed by two ways, instruction and diversion. And I have further proved in my said several readings (which perhaps the world may one day see, if I can prevail on any friend to steal a copy, or on any certain gentlemen of my admirers to be very importunate), that as mankind is now disposed, he receives much greater advantage by being diverted than instructed, his epidemical diseases being fastidiousness, amorphy, and oscitation; whereas in the present universal empire of wit and learning, there seems but little matter left for instruction. However, in compliance with a lesson of great age and authority, I have attempted carrying the point in all its heights, and accordingly, throughout this divine treatise have skilfully kneaded up both together, with a layer of utile and a layer of dulce. When I consider how exceedingly our illustrious moderns have eclipsed the weak glimmering lights of the ancients, and turned them out of the road of all fashionable commerce, to a degree that our choice town-wits of most refined accomplishments are in grave dispute whether there have been ever any |