On one sole point the ghosts agreed, One fearful point, than which, indeed, Nothing could seem absurder; Poor Colonel Jones they all abused, And finally downright accused The poor old man of murder; 'T was thus; by dreadful raps was shown Some spirit's longing to make known That used to be a pedler; spooks,) common Shrank each indebted meddler; Further the vengeful ghost declared That while his earthly life was spared, About the country he had fared, A duly licensed follower Of that much-wandering trade that wins Slow profit from the sale of tins And various kinds of hollow-ware; That Colonel Jones enticed him in, Pretending that he wanted tin, There slew him with a rolling-pin, Hid him in a potato-bin, And (the same night) him ferried Across Great Pond to t'other shore, And there, on land of Widow Moore, Just where you turn to Larkin's store, Under a rock him buried; Some friends (who happened to be by) He called upon to testify That what he said was not a lie, And that he did not stir this Foul matter, out of any spite But from a simple love of right;Which statements the Nine Worthies, Rabbi Akiba, Charlemagne, Seth, Colley Cibber, General Wayne, Who knew said Snooks before he died, Eliab this occasion seized, Of the Eleven Thousand Virgins! Knott was perplexed and shook his head, He did not wish his child to wed With a suspected murderer, (For, true or false, the rumor spread,) But as for this roiled life he led, "It would not answer, 99 so he said, "To have it go no furderer." At last, scarce knowing what it meant, Reluctantly he gave consent That Jenny, since 't was evident That she would follow her own bent, Should make her own election ; For that appeared the only way These frightful noises to allay Which had already turned him gray And plunged him in dejection. Dug underneath the aforesaid stone, Where the poor pedler's corpse was thrown, And found thereunder a jaw-bone, Which surgeons, called from far and wide, Upon the horror to decide, Having put on their glasses, Reported thus-"To judge by looks, These bones, by some queer hooks or crooks, May have belonged to Mr. Snooks, From human bones to bare bones." Still, if to Jaalam you go down, And one by Perez Tinkham ; Two curious facts which Prince Lee Boo Rapped clearly to a chosen few Whereas the others think 'em And, last week, did n't Eliab Snooks And bright as a new pin, eh? (So say the best authorities ;) And that a charge by raps conveyed, Should be most scrupulously weighed And searched into, before it is Made public, since it may give pain That cannot soon be cured again, And one word may infix a stain Which ten cannot gloss over, Though speaking for his private part, He is rejoiced with all his heart Miss Knott missed not her lover. |