SELECT.

ART. I. King Coal's Levee, or Geological Etiquette, with Explanatory Notes; and the Council of the Metals. Third Edition.

To which 2. A Geological Primer in Verse: with a Poetical Geognosy, or Feasting and Fighting; and sundry right pleasant Poems; with Notes. 8vo. pp. 80. 1820.

is added, Baron Basalt's Tour. 12mo. pp. 120. 1819.

3. Court News; or, The Peers of King Coal: and the Errants, or a Survey of British Strata, 12mo. pp. 65. 1820.

[Monthly Review-March, 1820.]

In this age of scientific glee, when all the animated families of nature have been summoned to the ball-room, we had ventured to anticipate that even the mineral people would ere long be asked to a hop, or, at least, to tea and turn out :—but, lo! they are greeted with the exalted pomp of a levee. This really appears marvellous to sedate Reviewers, who are instantly shocked at such a gross violation of probability, as rocks and stones setting out on long journeys, and paying their ceremonious respects and making set speeches to a sovereign as inert and unorganized as themselves. Yet such is the deceitfulness of the human heart, that, under this semblance of honest criticism, there may unconsciously lurk some movements of peevishness or envy; and, could we candidly analyze all the workings of our internal frame, we might perhaps be convinced that, precluded as we are by our ever-during vocation from the gayeties of gala-days and the ineffable delights of the presence-chamber, we cannot endure the humiliating reflection that brute matter should, even in poetry, be supposed capable of enjoying scenes and privileges from which, alas! we are debarred.

However this may be, it is certain that the public, including some lettered divines, have not scrupled to bestow their countenance on the present exhibition of bowing and speaking stones; for 'it has now more than doubled its former size; and the author begs leave to acknowledge his obligations to the Rev. W. Conybeare of Christ Church, Oxford, for his scientific hints towards the enlargement of the text, and to the Rev. W. Buckland, Professor of Mineralogy and Geology in that University, for his kind assistance in considerable additions to the Notes.' The author, however, with becoming modesty, still limits the scene of his effusions to old England.

He commences, as every legitimate bard is bound to do, by an invocation; unfolding his theme, arraying the ceremonial of the court, and putting the loyal and dutiful subjects in motion. 'King Coal, the mighty hero of the mine, -Sprung from a dingy, but a far fam'd line,

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Who, fathoms deep, in peace our earth possest,
Curb'd but in sway by ocean's billowy breast,-
Would hold a Levee by such gorgeous scene
To please Pyrites, his alluring queen;
Would wield the sceptre sovereign fate decreed,
Enforce obedience, smile the welcome meed,
And prove his pow'r from Vectis to the Tweed.
Forth flew the mandate; earthquakes through the land
Spoke in hoarse tones the monarch's high command:
Air caught the sounds, and in expansion free,
Spread the deep word to Albion's circling sea.
-Each pond'rous sire, each grave or sprightly dame,
Must bow before the prince of smoke and flame;
Must bend their steps, howe'er unus'd to rove,
To greet the dusky King, and his resplendent love.
On ebon throne, with choicest gems inlaid,
Sat the two tenants of earth's darkest shade;
She bright and blithe, and blooming as the spring.
He stern and stately, every inch a King."

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Earth shook,-and well it might; for now the throng
In indolent procession mov d along :

Mov'd, and around a hollow murmer sent ;

Mov'd on, and star'd, and wonder'd how they went.
• What boots it here, in glowing verse to tell
The dire events earth's puppets that befel;
What boots it here, though earth affrighted saw
Another Lisbon yield to nature's law;

Though thousands died,-it but abridg'd the span
That fate allotted to the creature man.

Rocks moving harmless would indeed be rare!
-Sufficient for our purpose, they were there.'

The point of precedence being adjusted by seniority, Duke Granite moves first in the procession, attended by Gneiss, a weather-beaten man.' Next appears the Marquis of Slate, who will split with his best friends;' a wealthy nobleman, but racked with contortions which greatly perplexed all the faculty. To him succeeds the Countess-Dowager Porphyry, somewhat negligent of dress, being a prime blue stocking.' She is followed by Viscount Sienite, and his inseparable friend, Hornblende. Then appears Count Grauwacke, by wizard Werner bred in Saxony,' and laying claim to all the estates of the noble family of Slate. The elder Sandstone moves on, impatient for the arrival of his younger brother, who was flirting with Miss Gypsum.

Having noticed the subordinate kindred of the Sand-stones, and their affinity to the grert Lord Quartz, the poet descants on the stately deportment and physical and chemical acquisitions of Sir Lawrence Lime-stone; the portraits of whose sons, Lias, Oolite, and Chalk, suggest that of their weaker cousin Marl.

Sir Lawrence, announced by his lacquey, Spar, in splendid livery dight, commences his speech with apologizing for the absence of his honoured mother, Lady Marble, who had gone Italy on account of her health:

'He spake, and bow'd. The King here turn'd his head,

And to Pyrites in low accents said:

"I wish, sweet consort, you could once have seen
This Lady Marble; she hath lovely been.
Been, did I say? She is as I'm alive,
You scarce would take her to be thirty-five.
Astonishing how well her years she bears!
No muddy skin, no forehead seam'd by cares,
But a complexion, and an eye of light,
Like a young child's, so beautiful and bright.
She shines in native loveliness and grace,
By far the most attractive of her race.
Ill health may be the plea; her native air
May tend the nervous system to repair;
But I should doubt her journey o'er the sea
Is prompted by the sex's vanity;
Since she may fancy a more genial ray
Will render beauty slower in decay.
That lady is most highly polish'd too,

Each court of Europe hath she travell'd through.
In this our Isle indeed, you scarce can quote
A family of any style or note

Where Lady Marble cannot freely roam;
Indeed where she may not feel quite at home.
I wish," the monarch whisper'd in her ear,
"That no intrigue be on the tapis here;
For I have heard of late repeated mention,
Canova pays her very great attention."

to

The younger Sandstone, and his bride-elect, Miss Gypsum, are next introduced; while her lovely cousin, Selenite, is allowed to loiter in the anti-room, for reasons best known to her relative. In this stage of the ceremony, her Majesty is suddenly thrown into a state of great agitation and alarm by 'Squire Lias, in his cups, fantastically accoutred, and mounted on a huge crocodile, at the instigation of his bottle-companion, Jack Clay. The 'Squire is violently extruded from the presence by the Gnomes, and left to snore in the anti-room:

'Soon he awoke, and ruling reason too

Waking sad shame, he then look'd very blue.
Joy to the strife that wakes no funeral knell !
One dire mischance the muse hath here to tell.
Were it but one, alas! 'twere passing well!
Of the King's pages few e'er reach'd their homes;
-The crocodile had swallow'd half the Gnomes!"
VOL. III.

20*

Chalk, who had never crossed King Coal at any time, though attended by his companion Flint, a right hard-hearted boy,' experiences a very gracious reception, which served him to discourse on for a year.' Marl, unwilling ultimately to disobey the royal mandate, had despatched a messenger to Jack Clay, that he might be favoured with his advice and assistance. Jack was found in the island of Sheppey, but had become a gentleman of sufficient consequence to feel somewhat shy of keeping indifferent company; her Majesty's collections of shells and plants having devolved to his charge, and learned bodies having enrolled him in their ranks. Our dignified Professor, therefore, being not very anxious to appear at court in the humble capacity of attendant on a helpless invalid, was in no hurry to proceed; and, in the mean time, he had amused himself by playing his pranks on Lias. Poor Marl, quite impatient of the delay, had requested his own servants to bear him along: but, from their ignorance of the paths, he met only with obstructions and bruises, and was glad to return home. Clay appears in propria persona, but still too much under the influence of his late fit of hilarity to be able to stutter through his speech, or to obtain a smile from his sovereign.

The next groupe consists of Baron Basalt, Lady Greenstone, and Master Whin, attended by their foot-page, Zeolite. The haughty Baron, who boasted consummate skill in architecture, surveys the palace with great contempt:

Anon he whispered in his Lady's ear,

"Fairhead and Staffa not like this appear!
Palace, forsooth!—a pig-stye should it be :
Scarce fit for that :-No, Fingal's Cave for me!"'

As the aforesaid Baron had often disconcerted the King's best laid plans by his audacious intrusions, and all his family were regarded as a trap, we need scarcely mention that he experienced no courtesy from the throne. In the motley assemblage which next throngs the anti-room, appear stout Mr. HORNSTONE,'' his foster-brother, Chert,' Jasper, Agate, Felspar,

Fair STEATITE, a dame of high degree,
Earl SERPENTINE's decided chere amie,'

Asbestus, Clinkstone, &c.

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SWINESTONE was there-but did not tarry long,
The ladies said he smelt so very strong.'

These timid souls were aw'd, and all aback :

HORNBLENDE peep'd in—but said the King look'd black ;*
On which ASBESTUS begg'd they might retire,

-Though reckon'd brave, and boasted-to stand fire.”

* Mr. Hornblend, who is by no means an Adonis, might have spared the remark.-Rev.

Old shivering Shale, however, took courage to advance, and greatly amused the Queen with his antique compliments and costume while his Majesty, with much good sense and affability, received him cordially as a worthy friend and companion. In the mean time, a band of plebian Pebbles, cheered by Breccia, had thrown the hall into confusion and alarm by their insulting and mutinous deportment, but were dispersed and put down by the efforts of the courtiers and the Gnomes. No sooner, however, were these Radicals quelled, than a spectacle still more appalling was presented in the form of a monstrous sledge, composed of a mammoth's skeleton, dragged by alternate pairs of hippopotami, rhinoceroses, and buffalos, and sustaining the mighty weight of Gravel. This huge giant remonstrates, in no very measured phrase, against the affront that had been put on him by omitting to invite his subjects to the levee :

Off then his cloak, with gesture proud he threw ;
Around its gatherings, like a whirlwind flew,
And, as they reach'd the dome's remotest edge,
Down sat the Giant; and on mov'd the sledge.
But the elk's antlers caught that flying cloak,
As o'er the palace its wide drapery broke;
And as the sledge upon the rugged ground
Mov'd slowly on, with deep and jarring sound,
Toss'd the torn fragments fancifully down,
The loose built theories of man to crown.'

The King, ashamed at having betrayed his fear, and enraged at the Metals, who had refused to acknowledge his supremacy, thus vows vengeance:

'Metals and Semi-Metals, pure and base,

Here I denounce your vile presumptuous race.
Earth shall behold each sulphury column roll
Its dark and poisonous skirts from pole to pole,
Speaking the deadly dictates of my soul.
The universe shall witness how I treat them :
I'll melt the dogs, wherever I shall meet them!'

Fear and volcanic tremblings shake the hall: the angry Monarch raises his arm: all is darkness and chaos; and many were the mishaps and discomfitures of the courtly throng in groping and squeezing their way home.

This spirited little morsel, which is neither altogether a jeu d'esprit nor a lesson on the mineralogy of England, and which yet partakes of both, somewhat savours of the ingenious effusions of Miss Porden; and, as our numerous quotations must have already convinced our readers, it bespeaks much felicity of fancy, with no ordinary powers of versification. The author excels in trimming a triplet: but, in such a short poem, he should have made a more discreet use of his skill: at all events, he