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THE DEDICATION TO PRINCE POSTERITY.

many volumes of late years written for a help to their studies.*

That your Highness may advance in wisdom and virtue, as well as years, and at last outshine all your royal ancestors, shall be the daily prayer of,

Sir,

Your Highness'

Most devoted, &c.

December 1697.

* There were innumerable books printed for the use of the Dauphin

of France.-Hawkes.

THE AUTHOR'S PREFACE.

THE wits of the present age being so very numerous and penetrating, it seems the grandees of Church and State begin to fall under horrible apprehensions lest these gentlemen, during the intervals of a long peace, should find leisure to pick holes in the weak sides of religion and government: to prevent which there has been much thought employed of late upon certain projects for taking off the force and edge of those formidable inquirers from canvassing and reasoning upon such delicate points. They have at length fixed upon one which will require some time as well as cost to perfect. Meanwhile the danger is hourly increasing by new levies of wits, all appointed, as there is reason to fear, with pen, ink, and paper, which may, at an hour's warning, be drawn out into pamphlets and other offensive weapons ready for immediate execution, it was judged of absolute necessity that some present expedient be thought on

till the main design can be brought to maturity. To this end, at a grand committee some days ago this important discovery was made by a certain curious and refined observer: that seamen have a custom, when they meet a whale, to fling him out an empty tub, by way of amusement, to divert him from laying violent hands upon the ship. This parable was immediately mythologised. The whale was interpreted to be Hobbes' Leviathan, which tosses and plays with all schemes of religion and government, whereof a great many are hollow, and dry, and empty, and noisy, and wooden, and given to rotation. This is the Leviathan from whence the terrible wits of our age are said to borrow their weapons. ship in danger is easily understood to be its old antitype, the commonwealth. But how to analyse the tub was a matter of difficulty; when, after long inquiry and debate, the literal meaning was preserved and it was decreed that, in order to prevent these leviathans from tossing and sporting with the commonwealth, which of itself is too apt to fluctuate, they should be diverted from that game by a TALE OF A TUB. And my genius being conceived to lie. not unhappily that way, I had the honour done me to be engaged in the performance.

The

This is the sole design in publishing the following treatise, which I hope will serve for an interim of

some months to employ those unquiet spirits, till the perfecting of that great work, into the secret of which it is reasonable the courteous reader should have some little light.

It is intended that a large academy be erected, capable of containing nine thousand seven hundred forty and three persons, which, by modest computation, is reckoned to be pretty near the current number of wits in this island. These are to be disposed into the several schools of this academy, and there pursue those studies to which their genius most inclines them. The undertaker himself will publish his proposals with all convenient speed, to which I shall refer the curious reader for a more particular account, mentioning at present only a few of the principal schools. There is, first, a large pæderastic school, with French and Italian masters; there is also the spelling school, a very spacious building; the school of looking-glasses; the school of swearing; the school of critics; the school of salvation; the school of hobby-horses; the school of poetry; the school of tops; the school of spleen; the school of gaming; and many others too tedious to recount. No person

*

* This, I think, the author should have omitted, it being of the very same nature with the school of hobby-horses, if one may venture to censure one who is so severe a censurer of others, perhaps with too little distinction.

to be admitted member into any of these schools without an attestation, under two sufficient persons' hands, certifying him to be a wit.

But to return: I am sufficiently instructed in the principal duty of a preface, if my genius were capable of arriving at it. Thrice have I forced my imagination to make the tour of its invention, and thrice it has returned empty, the latter having been wholly drained by the following treatise. Not so my more successful brethren, the moderns, who will by no means let slip a preface or dedication without some notable distinguishing stroke to surprise the reader at the entry, and kindle a wonderful expectation of what is to ensue. Such was that of a most ingenious poet, who, soliciting his brain for something new, compared himself to the hangman and his patron to the patient. This was insigne, recens, indictum ore alio.* When I went through that necessary and noble course of study,† I had the happiness to observe many such egregious touches, which I shall not injure the authors by transplanting, because I have remarked that nothing is so very tender as a modern piece of wit, and which is very apt to suffer so much in the carriage. Some things are extremely witty to-day, or fasting, or in this place, or at eight

* Horace. Something extraordinary new, and never hit upon before. + Reading prefaces, &c.