"Be

fall, and thar I sot with my teeth rattlin' like I had a ager. It seemed like it would never come daylight, and I do believe if I didn't love Miss Mary so powerful I would froze to death; for my heart was the only spot that felt warm, and it didn't beat more'n two licks a minit, only when I thought how she would be supprised in the mornin', and then it went in a canter. Bimeby the cussed old dog come up on the porch and begun to smell about the bag, and then he barked like he thought he'd treed something. "Bow! wow! wow!" ses he. Then he'd smell agin, and try to git up to the bag. "Git out!" ses I, very low, for "Bow! wow!" ses he. fear the galls mought hear me. gone! you 'bominable fool," ses I; and I felt all over in spots, for I 'spected every minit he'd nip me; and what made it worse, I didn't know whar abouts he'd take hold. Then I tried coaxin'. "Come here, good whistled a little to him, but it wasn't no use. kep up his everlastin' whinin' and barkin', all tell when daylight was breakin', only by the chickens crowin', and I was monstrous glad to hear 'em, for if I'd had to stay thar one hour more, I don't believe I'd ever got out of that bag alive.

"Bow! wow! wow!" feller," ses I, and Thar he stood and night. I couldn't

Old Miss Stallins come out fust, and as soon as she seed the bag, ses she:

"What upon yeath has Joseph went and put in that bag for Mary? I'll lay its a yearlin' or some live animal, or Bruin wouldn't bark at it so."

She went in to call the galls, and I sot thar, shiverin' all over so I couldn't hardly speak if I tried to—but I didn't say nothin'. Bimeby they all come runnin' out on the porch.

"My goodness! what is it?" ses Miss Mary.

Oh, it's alive!" ses Miss Kesiah; "I seed it move."

"Call Cato, and make him cut the rope," ses Miss Carline, "and let's see what it is. Come here, Cato, and get this bag down."

"Don't hurt it, for the world!" ses Miss Mary.

Cato untied the rope that was round the jice, and let the bag down easy on the floor, and I tumbled out all covered with corn meal, from head to foot.

"Goodness gracious!" ses Miss Mary; "if it ain't the Majer himself!"

"Yes," ses I, "and you know you promised to keep my Crismus present as long as you lived."

The galls laughed themselves almost to death, and went to brushin' off the meal as fast as they could, sayin' they was gwine to hang that bag up every Crismus till they got husbands too. Miss Mary-bless her bright eyes!-she blushed as beautiful as a morning glory,

and sed she'd stick to her word. She was right out of bed, and her hair wasn't komed, and her dress wasn't fix'd at all, but the way she looked pretty was real distractin'. I do believe ef I was froze stiff, one look at her sweet face, as she stood thar lookin' down to the floor with her roguish eyes, and her bright curls fallin' all over her snowy neck, I would have fotched me too. I tell you what, it was worth hangin' in a meal bag from one Crismus to another to feel as happy as I have ever

sense.

THE CHRISTMAS BAG.

I went home after we had the laugh out, and sot by the fire till I got thawed. In the forenoon all the Stallinses come over to our house, and we had one of the greatest Crismus dinners that ever was seed in Georgia, and I don't believe a happier company ever sot down to the same table. Old Miss Stallins and mother settled the match, and talked over everything that ever happened in ther families, and laughed at me and Mary, and cried about

ther dead husbands, cause they wasn't alive to see ther children married.

It's all settled now, 'cept we hain't sot the weddin' day. I'd like to have it all over at once, but young galls always like to be engaged a while, you know, so I s'pose i must wait a month or so. Mary (she ses I mustn't call her Miss Mary now) has been a good deal of trouble and botheration to me; but if you could see her, you wouldn't think I ought to grudge a little sufferin' to git sich a sweet little wife.

You must come to the weddin' if you possibly kin. I'll let you know when. No more from

Your friend, till death,

Jos. JONES.

He got

N. B.-I like to forgot to tell you about cousin Pete. snapt on egnog when he heard of my engagement, and he's been as meller as hoss-apple ever sense.

TAKE all the phools out ov this world, and thare wouldn't be enny phun, nor proffit, living in it.

JOSH BILLINGS.

ARTEMUS WARD AND THE PRINCE OF WALES.

BY ARTEMUS WARD.

I WAS drawin' near to the Prince, when a red-faced man in Millingtery close grabd holt of me and axed me whare I was goin' all so bold?

"To see Albert Edard, the Prince of Wales," sez I; "who are you?"

He sed he was the Kurnal of the Seventy Fust Regiment, Her Magisty's troops. I told him I hoped the Seventy Onesters was in good helth, and was passin' by when he ceased hold of me agin, and sed in a tone of indigent cirprise :

"What? Impossible ! It kannot be! Blarst my hize, sir, did I understan' you to say that you was actooally goin' into the presents of his

Royal Iniss?"

THE PRINCE OF WALES.

"That's what's the matter with me," I replied.

"But blarst my hize, sir, its onprecedented. It's orful sir. Nothin' like it hain't happened sins the Gun Power Plot of Guy Forks. Owdashus man, who air yu?"

Sir, sez I, drawin' myself up & puttin' on a defiant air, "I'm a Amerycan sitterzen. My name is Ward. I'm a husband, &

the father of twins, which I'm happy to state thay look like me. By perfession I'm a exhibiter of wax works & sich."

"Good God!" yelled the Kurnal; "the idee of a exhibiter of wax figgers goin' into the presents of Royalty! The British Lion may well roar with raje at the thawt!"

Sez I, "Speakin' of the British Lion, Kurnal, I'd like to make a bargin with you fur that beast fur a few weeks to add to my Show." I didn't meen nothin' by this. I was only gettin' orf a goak, but you orter hev seen the Old Kurnal jump up and howl. He actooally foamed at the mowth.

"This can't be real," he showtid. "No, no. It's a horrid dream. Sir, you air not a human bein'-you hav no existents -yu're a Myth!"

"Wall," sez I, "old hoss, yule find me a ruther oncomfortable Myth ef you punch my inards in that way agin." I began to git a little riled, fur when he called me a Myth he puncht me putty hard. The Kurnal now commenst showtin fur the Seventy Onesters. I at fust thawt I'd stay & becum a Marter to British Outraje, as sich a course mite git my name up & be a good advertisement fur my Show, but it occurred to me that ef enny of the Seventy Onesters shood happen to insert a baronet into. my stummick it mite be onplesunt ; & I was on the pint of runnin' orf when the Prince hisself kum up & axed me what the Sez I, "Albert Edard, is that you?" & he smilt & sed it was. Sez I, "Albert Edard, hears my keerd. I cum to pay my respecks to the futer King of Ingland. The Kurnal of the Seventy Onesters hear is ruther smawl pertaters, but of course you ain't to blame fur that. He puts on as many airs as tho he was the Bully Boy with the glass eye."

matter was.

"Never mind," sez Albert Edard, "I'm glad to see you, Mister Ward, at all events," & he tuk my hand so plesunt like, & larfed so sweet that I fell in love with him to onct. He handid me a segar, & we sot down on the Pizarro & commenst smokin' rite cheerful.

"Wall," sez I, "Albert Edard, how's the old folks?" "Her Majesty & the Prince are well," he sed.

Duz the old man take his Lager beer reglar?" I inquired. The Prince larfed, & intermatid that the old man didn't let many kegs of that bevridge spile in the sellar in the coarse of a year. We sot & tawked there sum time abowt matters &