After hearing the evidence, the judge, in his fierce and harsh Hungarian-Finnish-Tartaric tongue, calls up the culprit and says: "You have been found guilty, and I fine you ten kreutzers and ten days' imprisonment for stealing the goose!" Thereupon the judge summons the owner of the bird: "I fine you ten kreutzers and ten days' imprisonment for allowing your goose to be stolen!" STEALING A GOOSE. Having thus disposed of the parties, the judge, turning to the witness, says: "Sirrah! I fine you ten kreutzers and ten days' imprisonment for not minding your own business!" Hilmi Effendi listens with interest to this story of Slavonic justice, and remarks that almost as odd a case recently came before one of the courts of Stamboul. A creditor comes to the judge to have a note sued. It is for 1,500 piastres, and not due until three years after the complaint is made. The judge entertains the suit, and condemns the creditor to confinement for three years. "For," said his honor: "How do I know where you will be three years hence, so as to pay you the piastres, unless I hold you?" We agree that this is an improvement on the American custom of the imprisonment of witnesses in criminal cases. A GREAT FIT. BY ROBERT HENRY NEWELL. ROBERT HENRY NEWELL, the Orpheus C. Kerr of every one's acquaint ance, is a veteran editor and a prolific author. He was born in New York, December 13, 1836. "He sorter kinder shut one eye, And spit into his hand, And put his ugly head one side, And twitched his trowsers' band. "My boy,' says he, 'it's my belief, That I kin make you screech, and smell "I'm thar,' says Tuscaloosa Sam, And chucked his hat away; 'I'm thar,' says he, and buttoned up As far as buttons may. "He thundered on the stranger's mug, "They clinched like two rampageous bears, And then went down a bit; They swore a stream of six-inch oaths And fit, and fit, and fit. "When Sam would try to work away, And on his pegs to git, The stranger'd pull him back; and so, "Then like a pair of lobsters, both Upon the ground were knit, And yet the varmints used their teeth, "The sun of noon was high above, And hot enough to split, But only riled the fellers more, That fit, and fit, and fit!!! "The stranger snapped at Sammy's nose, And shortened it a bit; And then they both swore awful hard, "The mud it flew, the sky grew dark, But still them critters rolled about, THE REMAINS. "First Sam on top, then t'other chap; "The night came on, the stars shone out And still them fellers swore and gouged, And fit, and fit, and fit!!!!!!! "The neighbors heard the noise they made, And thought an earthquake lit; Yet all the while 'twas him and Sam "For miles around the noise was heard; Folks couldn't sleep a bit, Because them two rantankerous chaps Still fit, and fit, and fit!!!!! "But jist at cock-crow, suddenly, "The sun was rising in the yeast, "Yet, in the region where they fit, One pint of buttons, two big knives, Some whiskers, and four eyes!" |