"Wrong train," he said, brusquely. "Get off at next station. This train for Hartford and New York."

The old gentleman's face was a study.

"For Ha-Ha- wha-what!" he shouted. "I know better! Told me at Boston this car went through to Albany."

"Le'me see parlor car ticket," said the conductor, briefly. Yes, that's all right, you're on wrong car; this ticket for the other car. Your baggage half way t' Albany by this time. Get off at Hartford."

Well, when can I get a train back to Springfield?" wailed the jumper of chairs.

"T'-night," said the conductor, and passed on to the next car. Then I arose. I gathered up in my weak and long-suffering arms my hat, overcoat, lap-tablet, newspapers, book, big valise, little valise and arctics, and walked back to that chair and stood before the most crest-fallen man the immortal gods ever pitied. I didn't say anything; I didn't make a gesture; I just stood up before him, holding my goods, personal effects and railway chattels in my arms and looked at him. He arose and vamoosed the claim. And as I settled down in my recovered possession I made only one remark. I said to the poor old gentleman:

"I told you you'd be sorry if you took this chair!"

And he marched back and took a seat on the upholstered bench, to the merry laughter of the happy passengers. And the last time I looked around, oh crowning woe, the conductor was making him pay a quarter for his seat in the parlor car.

A PLEASURE EXERTION..

BY MARIETTA HOLLEY.

MARIETTA HOLLEY was born in Jefferson County, N. Y., in 1844. She

has written a number of books, sketches, etc., under the pen name of "Josiah Allen's Wife," which include "My Opinions and Betsy Bobbett's," "Josiah Allen's Wife, as P. A. and P. I.” (1877), “Sweet Cicely" (1887), and a volume of "Poems" (1888).

WAL, the very next mornin' Josiah got up with a new idee in his head. And he broached it to me to the breakfast-table. They have been havin' sights of pleasure exertions here to Jonesville lately. Every week a'most they would go off on a exertion after pleasure, and Josiah was all up on end to

go too.

That man is a well-principled man as I ever see, but if he had his head, he would be worse than any young man I ever see to foller up picnics and 4th of Julys and camp-meetin's and all pleasure exertions. But I don't encourage him in it. I have said to him time and again: "There is a time for everything, Josiah Allen, and after anybody has lost all their teeth and every mite of hair on the top of their head, it is time for 'em to stop goin' to pleasure exertions."

But good land! I might jest as well talk to the wind! If

that man should get to be as

JOSIAH.

old as Mr. Methusler, and be goin' on a thousand years old, he would prick up his ears if he should hear of a exertion. All

summer long that man has beset me to go to 'em, for he wouldn't go without me. Old Bunker Hill himself hain't any sounder in principle than Josiah Allen, and I have had to work head-work to make excuses and quell him down. But last week they was goin' to have one out on the lake, on a island, and that man sot his foot down that go he would.

We was to the breakfast-table a talkin' it over, and says I: "I sha'n't go, for I am afraid of big water, anyway."

Says Josiah: "You are jest as liable to be killed in one place. as another."

Says I, with a almost frigid air, as I passed him his coffee,

GRIDDLE-CAKES.

Mebby I shall be drounded on dry land, Josiah Allen, but I don't believe it."

Says he, in a complainin' tone: "I can't get you started onto a exertion for pleasure any way."

Says I, in a almost eloquent way: "I don't believe in makin' such exertions after pleasure. As I have told you time and agin, I don't believe in chasin' of her up. Let her come of her own

free will. You can't ketch her by chasin' after her no more than you can fetch up a shower in a drowth by goin' out doors and runnin' after a cloud up in the heavens above you. Sit down and be patient, and when it gets ready the refreshin' rain-drops will begin to fall without none of your help. And it is jest so with pleasure, Josiah Allen; you may chase her up over all the oceans and big mountains of the earth, and she will keep ahead of you all the time; but set down and not fatigue yourself a thinkin' about her, and like as not she will come right into your house unbeknown to you."

"Wal," says he, "I guess I'll have another griddle-cake, Samantha."

And as he took it, and poured the maple-syrup over it, he added gently, but firmly:

"I shall go, Samantha, to this exertion, and I should be glad to have you present at it, because it seems jest to me as if I should fall overboard durin' the day."

Men are deep. Now that man knew that no amount of religious preachin' could stir me up like that one speech. For though I hain't no hand to coo, and don't encourage him in bein' spoony at all, he knows that I am wrapped almost completely up in him. I went.

Wal, the day before the exertion Kellup Cobb come into our house of a errant, and I asked him if he was goin' to the exertion; and he said he would like to go, but he dassent.

"Dassent!" says I. "Why dassent you?"

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'Why," says he, "how would the rest of the wimmin round Jonesville feel if I should pick out one woman and wait on her?" Says he bitterly: "I hain't perfect, but I hain't such a coldblooded rascal as not to have any regard for wimmin's feelin's. I hain't no heart to spile all the comfort of the day for ten or a dozen wimmen."

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"Why," says I, in a dry tone, one woman would be happy, accordin' to your tell."

Yes, one woman happy, and ten or fifteen gauled-bruised in the tenderest place."

"On their heads?" says I, inquirin❜ly.

"No," says he, "their hearts. All the girls have probable had more or less hopes that I would invite 'em-make a choice of 'em. But when the blow was struck, when I had passed 'em by and invited some other, some happier woman, how would them slighted ones feel? How do you s'pose they would enjoy the day, seein' me with another woman, and they droopin' round without me? That is the reason, Josiah Allen's wife, that I dassent go. It hain't the keepin' of my horse through the day that stops me. For I could carry a quart of oats and a little jag of hay in the bottom of the buggy. If I had concluded to pick out a girl and go, I had got it all fixed out in my mind how I would manage. I had thought it over, while I was ondecided and duty was a strugglin' with me. But I was made to see where the right way for me lay, and I am goin' to foller it. Joe Purday is goin' to have my horse, and give me seven shillin's for the use of it and its keepin'. He come to hire it just before I made up my mind that I hadn't ort to go.

"Of course it is a cross to me. But I am willin' to bear crosses for the fair sect. Why," says he, a comin' out in a open, generous way, "I would be willin', if necessary for the general good of the fair sect—I would be willin' to sacrifice ten cents for 'em, or pretty nigh that, I wish so well to 'em. I hain't that enemy to 'em that they think I am. I can't marry 'em all, Heaven knows I can't, but I wish 'em well."

"Wal," says I, "I guess, my dish-water is hot; it must be pretty near bilin' by this time.”

And he took the hint and started off. I see it wouldn't do no good to argue with him that wimmen didn't worship him. For when a feller once gets it into his head that female wimmen are all after him, you might jest as well dispute the wind as argue with him. You can't convince him nor the wind-neither of 'em -so what's the use of wastin' breath on 'em. And I didn't want to spend a extra breath that day, anyway, knowin' I had such a hard day's work in front of me, a finishin' cookin' up provisions for the exertion, and gettin' things done up in the house so I could leave 'em for all day.

We had got to start about the middle of the night; for the lake was 15 miles from Jonesville, and the old mare bein' so slow, we had got to start an hour or two ahead of the rest. I told Josiah in the first on't, that I had just as lives set up all night, as to be routed out at two o'clock. But he was so animated and happy at the idee of goin' that he looked on the bright side of everything, and he said that we would go to bed before dark, and get as much sleep as we commonly did. So we went to bed the sun an hour high. And I was truly tired enough to lay down, for I had worked dretful hard that day-almost beyond my strength. But we hadn't more'n got settled down into the bed, when we heard a buggy and a single wagon stop at the gate, and I got up and peeked through the window, and I see it was visitors come to spend the evenin'-Elder Bamber and his family, and Deacon Dobbinses' folks.

Josiah vowed that he wouldn't stir one step out of that bed that night. But I argued with him pretty sharp, while I was throwin' on my clothes, and I finally got him started up. I hain't deceitful, but I thought if I got my clothes all on before they came in, I wouldn't tell 'em that I had been to bed that time of day. And I did get all dressed up, even to my handker