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1825.] Original Letter from Miss Linley, afterwards Mrs. Sheridan. 291

understand whom or what it meant. He wrote to me that he was in D- -, but never mentioned your name, which I was surprised at, and as I had not heard any thing from you, was a good deal hurt, thinking you would not keep your word with me. In answer to his letter, I desired to know if he had seen you, and begged to be informed of some other circumstances in his letter, which made me uneasy. To this I received no answer, and the account you gave me afterwards, convinced me that he was like all other men-deceitful. I then gave him entirely up, and contented myself with thinking how unworthy all men were of a woman's affection!

I was in this state of mind when Mathews returned; when in spite of all I could do or say I was obliged to visit them, and scarcely a day passed without my having some conversation with him. In these conversations he cleared himself of the imputations alledged against him, and set my con duct in such a point of view, that he made me appear the criminal and himself the injured person. This and be ing constantly with him, joined to his engaging behaviour, soon regained him that love which had never been quite extinguished. That gained, I was soon prevailed on to see him, but this did not hinder him from behaving so particular in publick that at last every body talked of it, and many people spoke to my father.

I was one night going to bed, when I heard my father and mother talking very loud, and my name and Mathews were repeated very often; this induced me to listen, and I heard my mother tell my father that I was miserable, and that Mathews was equally wretched; that we had loved one another for these some years, and that she was sure it would be my death. My father

seemed sometimes to pity and sometimes to condemn me, but at last he resolved I should never see him again. In the morning when I came to breakfast, my spirits were low, and I could not refrain from tears; this soon brought on an explanation with my father, to whom I confessed every thing that had passed; his behaviour was tender to a degree, and by that method he gained more upon me than if he had treated me harshly. Anger I can withstand, but tenderness I never could. My father, after many arguments, wherein he convinced me of the folly, if not wickedness of such a connexion, made me promise never to see him more, and told me he would break off all intercourse with the family immediately. In the afternoon of this day Mrs. Sheridan called by Mathews's desire to know the reason why they had not seen me that day.

Old Mr. Sheridan (who is now in Dublin) is my father's particular friend. When they came to settle in Bath*, the strictest intimacy commenced between our families. Miss Sheridan is the only person (besides yourself) that I would place any confidence in; she is one of the worthiest girls breathing, and we have been always united in the strictest friendship. The same connexion subsists between our two younger sisters. There are two brothers, who on our first acquaintance both professed to love me; but, though I had the greatest esteem for them, I never gave either of them the least hope that I should ever look on them. in any other light than as the brothers of my friend; I own I preferred the youngest, as he is by far the most agreeable in person, understanding, and accomplishments. He is a very amiable young man, beloved by every one, and greatly respected by all the better sort of people in Bath. He be

It was about the middle of the year 1770, that the Sheridans took up their residence in King's Mead-street, Bath, where an acquaintance commenced between them and Mr. Linley's family, which the kindred tastes of the young people soon ripened into intimacy. It was not to be expected, though parents, in general, are as blind to the first approach of these dangers, as they are rigid and unreasonable after they have happened, that such youthful poets and musicians should come together, without love very soon making one of the party. Accordingly, the two brothers became deeply enamoured of Miss Linley.""But in love, as in every thing else, the power of a mind like Sheridan's must have made itself felt through all obstacles and difficulties. He was not long in winning the entire affections of the young' Syren,'-though the number and wealth of his rivals, the ambitious views of her father, and the temptations to which she herself was hourly exposed, kept his jealousies and fears perpetually on the watch."-" He mentions, as the rivals most dreaded by her admirers, Norris, the singer, whose musical talents, it was thought, recommended him to her, and Mr. Watts, a Gentleman Commoner, of very large fortune.

came

292 Original Letter from Miss Linley, afterwards Mrs. Sheridan. [Oct.

came acquainted with Mathews, and was at first deceived in him, but he soon discovered the depravity of his heart, under the specious appearance of virtue, which he at times assumed; but perceiving the attachment between us, he resolved to make use of a little art to endeavour if he could to save me from such a villain. For this purpose he disguised his real sentiments, and became the most intimate friend of Mathews, who at last intrusted him with all his designs in regard to me, and boasted to him how cleverly he had deceived me; for that I believed him to be an angel.

Excuse my being thus tedious, but it was necessary to let you so far into my connexion with the Sheridans before I could account for my behaviour latterly.

When Mr. Sheridan came to me in the evening, I only told him something had happened to make me uneasy; but bid him tell Mathews I would write to him. I accordingly wrote, and told him every circumstance that had happened, shewed him how impossible it was for us to continue any such connexion, and begged (for still I thought him worthy) that he would write to tell me he was convinced by my arguments, and that we might part friends, though unhappy ones. He wrote to me, and comforted me greatly, by assuring me of his approbation of my conduct, and that he was ready to acquiesce in any thing to make me happy, as he was unwilling to see my father. Mr. Sheridan was appointed to settle every thing, he accordingly came to my father, and told him what Mathews had said, and that he intended to write to my father and bind himself in the most solemn manner never to see me again. My father was satisfied with this, and pitied Mathews greatly. He kept his word, and my father was happy that he had settled every thing so amicably.

Mr. Sheridan was with me every day, and did every thing in his power to make me happy. He said if Mathews ever broke his word to my father, he never would be seen with him again; as he had engaged him in the affair, he was resolved to act the part of a man of honour. I applauded his sentiments, but said I thought it impossible that Mathews ever should; -the next day convinced me how cruelly I had deceived myself. I re

ceived a letter from Mathews, wherein he told me he was going to London, but would return in less than two months, and if I did not consent to see him sometimes, he would shoot himself that instant. He said my answer would determine his fate. This letter flung me into fits, as I must either break my word to my father, or consent to the death of the man on whose life my own depended. At last I wrote and expostulated with him once more on the baseness of such a proceeding. This letter, instead of having the wished effect, produced another still more alarming; in this he flung off the tender behaviour for which I always loved him, and put on the language of a tyrant-told me he would see me, that no father on earth should hinder him, and if I would not consent, he would take me off by force. I answered this with some warmth, as I began to see I had been deceived in him. I then insisted he should never write to me again; but he contrived to make me read a letter directed in another hand, wherein he told me we had both been deceived through some mistake; said he had something to communicate of the utmost consequence to my future happiness; and if I would indulge him with ten minutes conversation, he never after would desire to see me again; but if I refused this last request, I must expect the worst.

Terrified as I was, with no friend to advise me, I at last consented, and appointed an hour, but the moment he saw me he locked the door, and drawing a pistol from his pocket uttered the most horrid imprecations; and swore if I would not bind myself by the most solemn oaths to see him again on his return from London, he would shoot himself before my face. Think, my dear girl, on my cruel situation; what could I do? Half distracted, I told him I would do any thing rather than see him commit so rash an action. This was Saturday, and I promised him (if I was alive) to see him on Wednesday evening during the Concert. On this condition he let

me go.

I was to spend the day with Miss Sheridan, who was ill with the toothache. All the time I was with her, I was resolving in my own mind what way I was to act. To break my word with my father was impossible. If I

1825.] Original Letter from Miss Linley, afterwards Mrs. Sheridan. 293

did not see Mathews, I expected worse to ensue. What resource was there left? At length (I tremble while I write) I came to the horrid resolution of destroying my own wretched being, as the only means to prevent my becoming still more guilty, and saving my parents from still more distress. With these horrid thoughts, I searched Miss Sheridan's room for some laudanum, which I knew she had for the tooth-ache; I found a small bottle full and put it in my pocket.

The next day (Sunday) after Church, I left my mother and sisters walking. I sat down, made my will, and wrote a letter to my father, and one to Mathews. While I was about it Mr. Sheridan came in; he had observed me taking the laudauum, and when he saw me writing, he seemed very much alarmed. At last, after swearing him to secrecy, I told him what I intended to do, and begged him to take charge of the letters. He used every argument in the world to dissuade me from it; but finding them all useless, he entreated me at least not to take it till the afternoon, as he then would tell me something which he was sure would make me lay aside such thoughts entirely. Fearful of his betraying me, I consented; but the moment he was gone took half the quantity, and after dinner, finding it had no effect, I took the rest. My fears were true. He had gone to Dr. Harington and Dr. W., and begged of them for God's sake to go to our house that night, in case I should have taken it before he returned in the evening. When he came I was on the settee in a state of lethargy. He immediately ran for the Doctors; but before they could give me any assistance, I dropped down, as they thought,-dead. I lay for some time in that dreadful state, till by force they opened my teeth, and poured something down my throat, which made me bring up a great deal of the poison.

To describe the distress of my family at this time is impossible; but such a scene by all accounts cannot be conceived or imagined. It was happy for me that I was insensible of it, as it would certainly have had a severer effect upon me than all the poison.

After I had taken every thing that was proper, I was put to bed, where I passed the night in the most dreadful

agonies of mind, at the thoughts of what would be the consequence of this affair.

Monday evening Sheridan came to me. He expostulated with me, with the greatest tenderness, and shewed me the dreadful crime I had been about to commit, and for one who was every way unworthy of my least consideration. He then told me every circum stance relative to myself, which Mathews had told him. He shewed me letters he had received from him, and wherein his villainy was fully explained.

Judge what must be my feelings, on finding the man, for whom I had sacrificed life, fortune, reputation, every thing that was dear, the most abandoned wretch that ever existed. In his last letter to Sheridan he had told him that I had given him so much trouble that he had the greatest inclination to give me up, but his vanity would not let him do that without having gained his point. He therefore said he was resolved the next time I met him to throw off the mask, and if I would not consent to make myself still more infamous, to force me, and then leave me to repent at leisure. He then told how he had acted on Saturday; and that I had promised to see him on Wednesday. He then said he would sufficiently revenge himself for all the trouble I had given him; but if I changed my mind, and would not see him, he was resolved to carry me off by force. The moment I read this horrid letter I fainted, and it was sometime before I could recover my senses sufficiently to thank Mr. Sheridan for his opening my eyes. He said he had made Mathews believe he was equally infamous, that he might the sooner know his designs; but he said it was not in his power to appear on a friendly footing any longer with such a villain. Mr. Sheridan then asked me what I designed to do. I told him my mind was in such a state of distraction, between anger, remorse, and fear, that I did not know what I should do; but as Mathews had declared he would ruin my reputation, I was resolved never to stay in Bath. He then first proposed my going to France, and entering a Convent, where he said I should be safe from all kind of danger, and in time I might recover my peace and tranquillity of mind; his sister would give me letters of recommendation to St. Quintin, where she had

been

294 Original Letter from Miss Linley, afterwards Mrs. Sheridan. [Oct.

been four years, and he would go with me to protect me; and after he had seen me settled, he would return to England, and place my conduct in such a light that the world would applaud and not condemn me.

You may be assured I gladly em braced his offer, as I had the highest opinion of him. He accordingly set tled every thing; so that we resolved to go on that fatal Wednesday which was to determine my fate. Miss Sheridan came to me, approved the scheme, and helped me in putting up my clothes. I kept up my spirits very well till the day came, and then 1 thought I should go distracted. To add to my affliction, my mother miscarried the day before, owing to the fright of Sunday: the being obliged to leave her in such a situation, with the thoughts of the distress in which my whole family would be involved, made me almost give up my resolution; but on the other hand so many circumstances concurred to make it absolutely necessary, that I was in short almost distracted.

At last Sheridan came with two chairs, and having put me half fainting into one, and my trunks into the other, I was carried to a coach that waited in Walcot-street. Sheridan had engaged the wife of one of his servants to go with me as a maid, without my knowledge. You may imagine how pleased I was with his delicate be

haviour. Before he could follow the chairs he met Mathews, who was going to our house, as I had not undeceived him for fear of the consequence. Sheridan framed some excuse, and after telling him that my mother had miscarried, and that the house was in such confusion, it was impossible for him to go in, begged he would go to his sister's, and wait there till he sent for him, as he had an affair of honour on his hands, and perhaps should want his assistance; by this means he got rid of him.

We arrived in London about nine o'clock the next morning. From London we went to Dunkirk by sea, where we were recommended to an English family, who treated me very politely. I changed my name to Harley, as I thought my own rather too public. From thence we proceeded to Lisle, where by chance Sheridan met with an old schoolfellow, who immediately introduced us to an English family, with whom he boarded. They were very amiable people, and recommended us to a Convent, which we resolved to accept without going further.

After we had settled every thing, and I had entered the Convent, Sheridan proposed returning to England; but while he was preparing to go, he received a letter from Mathews, who after abusing him in the most scandalous manner, insisted on seeing him in London to give him satisfaction +.

* Sheridan was at this time little more than twenty, and his companion just entering her eighteenth year. On their arrival in London, with an adroitness which was, at least, very dramatic, he introduced her to an old friend of his family (Mr. Ewart, a respectable brandy-merchant in the City,) as a rich heiress who had consented to elope with him to the Continent; in consequence of which the old gentleman, with many commendations of his wisdom, for having given up the imprudent pursuit of Miss Linley, not only accommodated the fugitives with a passage on board a ship, which he had ready to sail from the port of London to Dunkirk, but gave them letters of recommendation to his correspondents at that place, who with the same zeal and despatch facilitated their journey to Lisle. On their leaving Dunkirk, as was natural to expect, the chivalrous and disinterested protector degenerated into a mere selfish lover. It was represented by him, with arguments which seemed to appeal to prudence as well as feeling, that after the step which they had taken, she could not possibly appear in England again but as his wife. He was, therefore, he said, resolved not to deposit her in a Convent, till she had consented, by the ceremony of a marriage, to confirm to him that right of protecting her which he had now but temporarily assumed. It did not, we may suppose, require much eloquence to convince her heart of the truth of this reasoning; and accordingly, at a little village not far from Calais, they were married about the latter end of March, 1772, by a Priest well known for his services on such occasions. They thence immediately proceeded to Lisle, where Miss Linley, as she must still be called, giving up her intention of going on to St, Quentin, procured an apartment in a Convent, with the determination of remaining there till Sheridan should have the means of supporting her as his acknowledged wife.

+ It appears that for the first four or five weeks during which the young couple were absent, Mr. Mathews never ceased to haunt the Sheridan family with inquiries, rumours, and other disturbing visitations; and at length, urged on by the restlessness of revenge, inserted a violent advertisement in the Bath Chronicle, calling Sheridan a liar and a treacherous scoundrel.

1825.] Original Letter from Miss Linley, afterwards Mrs. Sheridan. 295

This was a stroke so very unexpected, that for a long time I could resolve on nothing. At last I begged Sheridan not to think of returning till he had heard more from England. He was very unwilling to stay; but as I urged so close, and was so very unhappy, he consented.

While we were in this situation, my father arrived at Lisle. He had written 10 us, but his letters miscarried, and we did not know how to write to them, till we heard first. My father not receiving any intelligence, came in search of us to Lisle, where he found us. He behaved with the greatest tenderness to me, and expressed his warmest gratitude to Sheridan; but he said my enemies had raised so many wicked reports as to my going, that my friends thought it absolutely necessary for me to return aud contradict them. He promised me if I chose to return to the convent in a few months after had been at home, I should have his consent; but he insisted on my returning then with him.

Though it was very disagreeable to me to return, yet as I could not refuse any thing my father wished me, and as I thought he would keep his promise, I consented, and soon after we set off for England. When we got to London, Sheridan went out to speak to a friend of his, but staying longer than he intended, my father was very uneasy, I did not know the reason till dinner, when he returned with his friend, and I was then told that Mathews was in town, and that Sheridan had seen him; but he was such a coward that Sheridan could not prevail on him to fight. He had therefore written an advertisement to be put in the newspapers, wherein he begged Sheridan's pardon for the abuse with which he had loaded him. I was very happy to hear it ended so well, and we set off for Bath the next day in tolerable spirits. His family met us at our house, and we drank tea together very happily. After tea the brothers went out together; the elder did not return, but Richard my friend returned to supper, during which he told me he was going to take a ride with his brother in the morning. We parted at night, after he had promised to come with his sister to spend the next day with us; but judge of my astonishment, when his sister came to we and told me that both her brothers

went off together at 12 o'clock that night, and she had not seen nor heard any thing from them since. We passed the day in the greatest distress. In the evening we were told they were gone to London to demand satisfaction of Mathews for belying them to each other, and likewise to get a proper concession to be put in the newspapers, as Sheridan found on his arrival at Bath that Mathews had put a most abusing paragraph in the papers concerning him.

They are not yet returned. When this dreadful affair will end God only knows. For my own part, I have not eaten nor slept since they went. My only hope is Mathews's cowardice, as every one says he will stoop to any thing rather than fight.

Thus have I, my dear friend, dis played every action of my life to you, my judge; but do not let the ill nature of the world bias your judgment. I know that many have traduced my character, and I am told that Mr. R has said many disrespectful things of me in Dublin, that he calls me jilt, and says I was engaged to him; but his own heart must acquit me of using him ill in any respect.

And now, my dear friend, for I will imagine you will still permit me to call you so, let me entreat your forgiveness for troubling you with this tedious epistle; but I flatter myself you will read my misfortunes with an unprejudiced eye, and as I think you have too good an opinion of me to imagine I would do any thing intentionally criminal, I hope you will excuse my indiscretions, and pity my distresses. I have laid before you every article of my life; do you, according to your own heart, excuse or condemn me: but if, after you know my temptations and trials, you can excuse the weakness of a heart but too susceptible, let me beg of my dear girl to undeceive her acquaintance, or any one who is prejudiced against me by the malicious report of my enemies, and convince then that I am not so guilty as unfortunate. Adieu! if you will still permit me the happiness of your friendship, write to me, and give me your opinion of my conduct freely, and favour me with your advice, in regard to my future behaviour to Sheridan. Let me conjure you to write soon, as till then I shall imagine you have given me up entirely; which would be

the

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