would fill the house with fond inquiries as reiterated, if not as plaintive, as the bleatings of a lamb after its dam.-" Felix, dear! Sir Felix! has any one seen Sir Felix? Where can he be?”—and then the rapture of a reunion after such a separation-"Oh, you truant! where have you been? Why did you go away from your Emma? Come, you sha'n't leave me again for the whole day. I want you to read to me while I work, and then you shall drive me in the pony phaeton; and then we will have a nice tête-à-tête dinner; and you won't go to that disagreeable Mr. Howard Johnstone, with his wits of the age,' as he calls them-stupid fellows! who can do nothing but write books. You'll stay with your own wife, and we will play ecarté,-won't we, Felix dear?" Lady Fondle had persuaded her husband to give up London entirely, and take a villa in the neighbourhood of Rareborough, in order that, according to her own sweet turn of expression, she might have "dear Felix all to her own self." Unless some relief were afforded his hapless friend, Mr. Darnley believed, on his honour, Sir Felix's senses could not last through the ensuing summer. Such a state of things was really terrible, and Mr. Darnley having wrung a reluctant consent from Sir Felix to be nominated for the Benedict Club, the former gentleman hoped his friend would be elected, as no individual could be more benefited by occasional absence from home than Sir Felix Fondle. The worthy knight was balloted for, and Mr. Burnsides, on announcing his election, took occasion to remark, that, “so far as the committee had proceeded in their pleasing task, a proud refutation would be afforded to any ungenerous observations from the ladies of Rareborough; observations which the Benedicts must share in common with all club-founders; but he felt it must be a great satisfaction to the gentlemen present to hear, that in no case which had come under their notice the rights of domesticity had been outraged by the part they had acted. The Benedict Club, so far from building itself on the ruin of private hearths, or, if he might be allowed so figurative an expression, raising its structure with hearth-stones, was highly calculated to remedy many evils of domestic life. Members who really required to be occasionally from home, would, when they did go home, find that their absence had amended much that was wrong. Ladies could not scold their husbands so often, if they saw less of them; and would be glad to make them comfortable at home, if only out of opposition to the club. Wives would cease to be jealous, as they would generally know where to find their husbands, or get tired of looking after them; and over-fond spouses become accustomed to temporary separation, wholesomely tending to try the sincerity of attachments never before subjected to that most severe of all ordeals, which, to the discredit of human nature, had given rise to the proverb, out of sight, out of mind."" Mr. Burnsides sat down amid more applause than ever. Having talked himself out of breath, he now expressed himself "willing to hear any other gentleman who had a friend to propose." Mr. Minniken was not long in accepting the courteous invitation. He was a weaselly-looking little man, with a constant habit of glancing over his right shoulder, as though he were expecting a box on his ears. "I am not going to detain you many minutes," said Mr. Minni ken: "I should only like to propose my friend Mr. Mouseley as a member of the club. Mrs. Mouseley does not act a kind part by him; and if he were now and then from home, I think he would like it much. She is not violent in temper, but what one may call a strong, loud, and determined kind of woman; in short, gentlemen, what I have heard denominated a masculine woman, a gentlemanlike lady, gentlemen, though I take this to be a sort of libel on our sex, for I cannot see what need there is that a man should be rough and overbearing." At this moment the meeting was suddenly disturbed by a spirited vocal performance, combining the effects of many voices, mounting higher and higher on the staircase. The lady patronesses of the Rareborough assemblies were expending a torrent of eloquence on Mr. Boniface, the landlord of the George and Dragon, who was in vain begging to be allowed a hearing. Little Minniken trembled, grew white as a cauliflower, and held on by the back of his chair; for one familiar voice was there pre-eminent above all the rest. "Show us into a room, Mr. Boniface. I suppose you have another besides that which the gentlemen are in? The balls will be discontinued at this house, you may depend upon it!" "The whole committee of ladies are here!" exclaimed Mrs. Manly Minniken," and we will make a point of recommending all our friends to The Angel." "What have I done, ma'am?" responded the astonished landlord, "how have I offended, ladies ?" "Never mind, never mind," trebled half a dozen ladies at once; we shall all patronise The Angel in future." "Oh! there they are!" forcibly enunciated Mrs. Manly, as with her bevy of desperate dames she swept by the committee-room of the Benedict Club; "I hear the fellows talking-much good may it do them!"—and the opposition committee took possession of an adjoining apartment. Then Boniface was sent down stairs, and rung up again, and snubbed, and sneered at, and scolded, and his accounts examined, and disputed, and at length paid :-the landlord having, by sundry hints and inuendos, discovered that he had been guilty of lese majeste against the sovereign authority of woman, in allowing the Benedict Club to have a committee-room in his house. But did that conclave act ?—that conclave, the assembly of which had caused such direful wrath in the united female bosom of Rareborough.-Reader, we are ashamed to state. Most of the gentlemen present, in common with Mr. Minniken, had heard the voices of their helpmates mingling in that flood of harmony, which, against all the principles of hydraulics, had ascended the staircase, and filled the adjoining room. The individuals comprising the committee of the Benedict Club looked from one to the other, and wished themselves at home. "Our resolutions are all passed," said Mr. Burnsides, with a voice which was rather husky, and consequently not so loud as it had been during the proceedings of the afternoon; "there is nothing to prevent our adjourning?" continued the chairman, appealing to about thirteen gentlemen with their hats in their hands. "Nothing!-nothing!" responded several committee-men. "Nothing!" said Mr. Minniken, who had been to the door, and ascertained that the apartment in which the ladies were assembled was farther up the passage, and that a retreat by the staircase was thus secured to the Benedicts. No one hinted to his neighbour what familiar household tone had met his individual ear; but, with as little confusion and as little formality as possible, the committee dissolved. Some months have elapsed, but no farther meeting of the club members has taken place. Old Mr. Thompson's house in High Street continues unoccupied, and the "Benedict Club" has not yet been established in Rareborough. OLD MOUNTAIN DEW. BY CHARLES MACKAY. AWAY with your port and your fine-flavour'd sherry, Our blessings upon her! Scotland for ever! and old mountain dew! Mountain dew! clear as a Scot's understanding, Her children have won her— Scotland for ever! and old mountain dew! May her worth, like her lowland streams, roll on unceasing,— As long as we 're brave, and warm-hearted, and true, Or whiskey to toast her— Scotland for ever! and old mountain dew! Neish! neish! neish! hurra! |