" a family way - There's the Rub. And for my part, I think, to have the land over-run " with single men, is ten times worse than an "invafion. This speech occafioned a loud laugh, which was followed by such bitter invectives against unmarried men, that I was a little disconcerted (for I could not help thinking their raillery very ill-timed, but young folks will be young folks) and retired to my lodgings sooner than I intended. -The things I had heard made so great an impression on my mind, that on going to reft, I fell into a kind of dream. Several alterations were, methought, made in the English government. A new branch of it was vefted in the hands of a hundred females of different ages, who were empowered by a charter to take cognizance of all national grievances which should arise from the ill conduct of the male fex, and to inflict on the offending parties the punishments which they thought, upon mature deliberation, adequate to their crimes and misdemeanors. I was placed in the gallery of their senate-house, when they were engaged in a warm debate about a tax on batchelors, in order to punish them for their averfion to matrimony. As I was myself deeply interested in this debate, I liften'd to it with an eager attention. D Several : Several virgins who had paffed their grand climacteric, full of vexation that the matrimonial question had never been put to them, afferted with no small earnestness, that batchelors deserved no mercy, because they finned with their eyes open, and moved that they should undergo the operation so much in vogue in Italy, by which means, the managers of the opera house would be able to entertain the town without throwing away immense sums on Ricciarelli's and Pazagli's. Some ladies were of opinion, that the single men should be banished to the highlands of Scotland; and others proposed that they should. be taxed to the amount of half their annual in comes, arifing either from landed estates or the publick funds, which should support a body of light horse, to prevent smuggling and wreck-making in time of peace, and invasions in time of war. A knot of young females, brisk and debonnair, insisted, that no fines could fufficiently punish the fribbles and bucks of their acquaintance, and therefore made a motion, that if they should prefume to remain in a fingle state after two months notice had been given them (not at ohurches, but at all other public places, particularly the theatres in Drury-Lane, Covent Garden and the Hay כד Hay-market, and the Play-House in St. Fs'a Street) should be forthwith enlisted without diftinction. The nobility should be general officers, the gentry fubalterns, and the tradesmen and mechanics, common foldiers. They agreed, however, that merit should be particularly rewarded, and that a misbehaving General should lose his rank, and be succeeded by the worthiest and ableft man in the corps. This last regimental scheme was received with loud marks of approbation by the whole assembly, who order'd it to be published and executed with all possible expedition. After this tax was unanimously agreed to, a lady started up with a great deal of vivacity, and thus addressed her companions. A word or two ladies, if you please, before the house is adjourned. I have a scheme to communicate, which is of as much consequence to our Sex, as the longitude is to a failor, or the philofopher's stone to a miser.-I move, ladies, that courtship may be henceforward our province; for I can make it clearly appear, that we have more leifure and inclination to practise the art of wooing, and are able to conduct an Intrigue with more address than the men, who are all ready to allow that we have the advantage over them in the management 1 of the tongue, the volubility of which, let me tell you ladies, has a very confiderable weight on so interesting an occafion. This speech was so well received by the gay and youthful part of the assembly, that they rattled their fans, clapped their hands, and shewed their hearty approbation of it by a great variety of exulting signs, and declared, that the lady who proposed so excellent *a scheme deserved the thanks of the house. But their bursts of merriment were soon interrupted by a venerable matron, who rose from her feat with the dignity of a Juno, and thus deliver'd her sentiments with the elocution of a Minerva; "I am forry I am obliged to differ from the lady who spoke last: but cannot think it be*coming to follow the scheme which she has proposed. By making our addresses to the men, we shall defeat our own designs entirely, for their indifference always rises in proportion to our forwardness. Modesty is allowed by them to be our most shining virtue, and delicacy and softness our most alluring charms. The two sexes will always appear unamiable to each other, by assuming an unatural behaviour.-Mafculine women and effeminate men are in my opinion equally disagreeable. Let us then make use only of the charms I have mention'd, for they will gain an admirer, admirer, and fix a friend, much fooner than bold looks, pert language and affected airs, by which too many heedless females think to attract the eyes and secure the affections of those who gaze upon them. I wish such females would attend ferioufly to the following lines: • The roving eye, the bosom bare, MOORE. When the venerable matron had pronounced these lines with a particular emphasis, she sat down with as much dignity as she rose, and had the fatisfaction to hear shouts of applause from all parts of the fenate house. Struck with wonder I awoke. |