SOUND ADVICE.

truding limb of a tree, and he began to cry. Riding up, I told him not to cry, and asked a soldier to hand him his cap, which was done cheerfully. The little fellow was "all right" in a moment, and po litely thanked us.

"Now," said I, "my little fellow, you must take better care, and not lose your cap again. When you are passing under trees, hold on to your brother with one hand and your cap with the other."

The older one turned toward me with a very dignified and grateful air. "Thanky, Sar; thanky, Sar. Dat's jist it, Sar. Dat's what I tell 'im, Sar. But ye see, Sar, he never trabble none before, Sar!" I have no doubt that, under our combined advice, he has long ago become an experienced "trabbler."

At the old Woodward College in Cincinnati, in its best days, we had a student of Quaker parentage, A. C. W, who was the life of our class. He was a rare wit, having a nice appreciation of the humorous and ludicrous. For instance, he studied and acquired the Spanish language so as to fully appreciate Don Quixote, of whom he was an ardent admirer. Let me give you a sample of his style.

A CHAPLAIN in the Army sends the Drawer a fine | budget, of which here is an installment, and more will follow in time. By-the-way, no one can have failed to notice how large a share of our good things come from the Army. Can the reason be that all the good fellows are in the field?

The funniest animal in the world is a little negro when he "lets himself out," and their antics are a continual source of merriment in camp-a monkey is nowhere in comparison. Nor are they lacking in shrewdness, and that readiness in repartee which characterizes the native-born Irishman.

When General Grant's army was falling back from Oxford, Mississippi, after Van Dorn's movement on Holly Springs, I was amused in observing the motions of two little yellow fellows who had caught an old mule, and were following the rear of a regiment in our advance. The older was probably ten years of age, and the other-his broth

er-a year younger.

Passing through a strip of woods, the youngerwho rode behind, holding to his brother with both hands-had his cap knocked off by the pro-I

We were one day reciting to one of the Professors, M'G, who had more humor than most persons supposed under a serious countenance, when the phrase occurred, "Steed of Darkness."

"W," said the Professor, who had a wholesome contempt for the high-falutin, "did you ever see the Steed of Darkness ?"

"No, Sir," was the ready reply; "but I know a man who has the night-mare!"

THERE is some truth in the saying that the soldier's life is ever gay; and could you get a collection of the wit and humor of a single day your Drawer would be full. This occurred the other morning:

A part of General S's corps is here, waiting transportation Eastward. One of the brigades camped near us is temporarily commanded by a German Colonel, one who claims to have seen service abroad.

On the day referred to his brigade was out for re

view and inspection; he approached, and taking position, called out,

"Attention, my br-rigade! Shoulder-r a-r-rms!" But how were we startled, as the movement was being executed, to hear,

"Hold on! I shange my mind! R-r-ight shoulder shift a-r-r-ms!"

The manoeuvre was executed with many smiles, especially in the rear of the commanding-officer.

GENERAL JOE GEIGER, of Ohio, is responsible for the following, but you ought to hear him tell it: W was elected to the Legislature partly on account of his fluency as a stump-orator. In the rural districts his reputation stood high; and the good-natured people spoke with admiration of his flights of eloquence, and predicted that when he took his seat in the House he would "knock the socks" from some who had more reputation than he.

W determined not to disappoint the expectations and boasting of his friends, and prepared for his debut with all the care in his power. But speaking before the assembled wisdom and eloquence of the State caused a trembling of his voice such as he had never experienced at home. Nevertheless he mnade good headway, and was securing the attention of the House, when a laugh on the left not directed at him or his speech-confused him.

"Mr. Speaker!" he said, "the author of such infamy should be pilloried as high as the dome of this magnificent structure, which is as high-as high-as high-yes, higher than any other steeple round about here!"

We have two "good ones," which are often related in our brigade:

As the Army of the Mississippi, under General Halleck, was approaching Corinth, on May 8, General Pope, commanding the left wing, threw out a force toward Farmington, and General Palmer was ordered to occupy the ground with his brigade, the rest of the force returning to camp. The next morning the enemy, under Generals Price and Van Dorn, made an advance in force, and General Pope sent an orderly to inquire if Palmer could hold his position.

"Tell General Pope that I can hold my position against the world, the flesh, and the devil!"

Before long, however, the rebels-for they were over ten thousand strong-compelled the brigade to fall back upon the reinforcements which were ordered up.

The affair being over General Palmer rode to the head-quarters to report, and his appearance was the signal for a hearty laugh from the officers present.

"How is it, Palmer?" said General Pope, as he entered the tent.

"Well, General," said the gallant Palmer, I can stand the world and the flesh, but the devil was too much for me!"

On the same morning, as the enemy approached, Captain of the Volunteers, was thrown forward with his Company as skirmishers. The regiment was a new one, and they had never been under fire before. The advance of the rebel skirmishers in much greater numbers made the situation a pretty warm one, and there was the usual excitement and nervousness which characterize first recruits. The Captain especially appreciated the condition; and as they began to retire, with the bullets whistling about their ears, he shouted,

prehension, and the cry was raised on every hand, "Put on the brake! Put on the brake!" Interpreting the cry to mean Put on more strength, he laid out all his power upon one last grand effort. Reaching the end of the road, where there was some heavy obstruction, sufficient to stop a train of cars, the hand-car was instantly converted into kindling wood, and the poor German was thrown head-overheels some twenty-five or thirty feet beyond where it struck. As he was picked up, in a mangled condition, some one asked him,

66

Why didn't you put on the brake?"

"Put on the prake," said he, "vy it ish preak all to pieces!"

And this was the end of that ride.

AN officer in the army on the Southern coast writes from Folly Island:

"Oh, I don't know exactly, Doctor, but I think I am rather Williamous. That is the main difficulty."

ANOTHER, of a different character, interested us much. Little Jennie B-, a child of five summers, by far too grave and demure for her years, was constantly with her grandma in the sick-room of the grandfather. One day, when grandma's work suitable for a sick-room was completed, she remarked, "I really don't know what to do now; I have finished up all the articles prepared."

Jennie, with perfect seriousness and gravity, said, "Grandma, I don't know of a better thing an old lady like you can do than just read her Bible."

Not bad advice for a sick-room, surely.

THE thriving town of Scranton, Pennsylvania, where railroad iron and other products of the same substantial metal are extensively manufactured, is situated on the Delaware, Lackawanna, and Western Railroad. There is a very heavy ascending grade for several miles westward from this place, to overcome which requires not a little power of steam with an ordinary train of cars. Just before this part of the road was opened an officer connected with it had occasion to go three or four miles west to superintend some operations. He took a light hand-car and two powerful men to work it, one of whom was a German, not an accomplished engineer, nor very familiar with the working of railroads. They toiled hard at the crank, working their way up the steep grade, landing their passenger at his destined point, who sent the car back to Scranton by the German alone, knowing that no labor was required to descend, excepting when it was necessary to hold back by putting on the break. Not having received any specific directions, however, as to the manner in which he was to work his way down, the German mounted the car, and thinking as it had been such a severe labor for two men to take the car out it would require still more exertion for one to work it back, he applied all his strength to the crank, and was soon moving with tremendous velocity down the hill toward the town and the terminus of the road. As he passed through the town over the last half-mile, all unconscious of what was before him, his danger excited universal ap

was calling the roll:

"Peter O'Shaughnessy?" No answer.

"Peter O'Shaughnessy?" No answer.

"Peter O'Shaughnessy?"

Three or four took off their caps and looked into them; and one exclaimed, "Auch! sure that's me last name I tuk-Hee-ur, Surr!"

THEY are a little behindhand in their drill, as may be supposed. A few mornings since Captain M'D- was marching his squad past the Colonel's tent. The Colonel says, "Captain, I wish you to put those boys through. Give 'em fits." In a short time the Colonel went out to supervise the drilling on the beach of the different squads. He observed one squad huddled together in a formation that his practiced eye told him was not to be found in tactics. He hurried up but to see a man writhing in convulsions.

"What's the matter? What have you been doing?" queried the Colonel.

"I obeyed your orders," said the Captain. "What orders?"

"I've given 'm fits."

LILLIE, when about seven summers had passed over her curly head, was one day observed to be unusually quiet and taciturn, with a line of care across her forehead edifying to behold. Her mother at last noticed it, and inquired the cause.

"Because I'm worried," pettishly snapping out the words, and tugging away at her sewing (on some doll's garment) with the air of an ill-used martyr.

Upon being interrogated as to the quality of her "trials," she burst out with,

"Mamma, I've been looking over all my dresses, and I haven't got one fit to be married in, unless it's my white muslin; but" (disdainfully) "that won't be decent to wear by the time I'm grown up."

THE same precocious genius, when a little younger, persistently importuned her father one day to buy her an axe. At length her application commanded attention. On being asked to give a reason for desiring that particularly undesirable plaything, she announced that she wanted an axe so that when she was a widow she could chop her own wood!