EPIGRAMS S. T. COLERIDGE.

AN EXPECTORATION,

Or Splenetic Extempore, on my joyful departure from the city of Cologne. As I am rhymer,

And now, at least, a merry one,

Mr. Mum's Rudesheimer,

And the church of St. Geryon,

Are the two things alone,

That deserve to be known,

In the body-and-soul-stinking town of Cologne.

EXPECTORATION THE SECOND.

In Clon, the town of monks and bones,
And pavements fanged with murderous stones,
And rags, and hags, and hideous wenches,
I counted two-and-seventy stenches,
All well defined and separate stinks!

Ye nymphs that reign o'er sewers and sinks,
The river Rhine, it is well known,

Doth wash your city of Cologne.

But tell me, nymphs, what power divine
Shall henceforth wash the river Rhine?

TO A LADY,

Offended by a sportive observation that women have no souls.

Nay, dearest Anna, why so grave?

I said you had no soul, 'tis true,
For what you are you can not have;
'Tis I that have one since I first had you.

AVARO.

[STOLEN FROM LESSING.]

There comes from old Avaro's grave
A deadly stench- why sure they have
Immured his soul within his grave.

BEELZEBUB AND JOB.

Sly Beelzebub took all occasions
To try Job's constancy and patience.
He took his honor, took his health,
He took his children, took his wealth,
His servants, oxen, horses, cows-
But cunning Satan did not take his spouse.

But Heaven, that brings out good from evil,
And loves to disappoint the devil,
Had predetermined to restore
Twofold all he had before;

His servants, horses, oxen, cows—
Short-sighted devil, not to take his spouse!

SENTIMENTAL.

The rose that blushes like the morn,
Bedecks the valleys low:

And so dost thou, sweet infant corn,
My Angelina's toe.

But on the rose there grows a thorn,
That breeds disastrous woe:
And so dost thou, remorseless corn,
On Angelina's toe.

AN ETERNAL POEM.

Your poem must eternal be,

Dear sir, it can not fail,

For 'tis incomprehensible,

And wants both head and tail.

BAD POETS.

Swans sing before they die-'t were no bad thing, Did certain persons die before they sing.

OF

TO MR. ALEXANDRE, THE VENTRILOQUIST.

SIR WALTER SCOTT.

yore, in Old England, it was not thought good,

To carry two visages under one hood:

What should folks say to you? who have faces so plenty,
That from under one hood you last night showed us twenty!
Stand forth, arch deceiver, and tell us in truth,
Are you handsome or ugly, in age or in youth?
Man, woman or child-a dog or a mouse?

Or are you, at once, each live thing in the house?
Each live thing did I ask?-each dead implement too,
A workshop in your person-saw, chisel, and screw!
Above all, are you one individual?—I know
You must be, at least, Alexandre and Co.

But I think you're a troop, an assemblage, a mob,
And that I, as the sheriff, should take up the job:
And, instead of rehearsing your wonders in verse,
Must read you the riot-act, and bid you disperse !

THE SWALLOWS.

R. BRINSLEY SHERIDAN.

The Prince of Wales came into Brooke's one day, and complained of cold, but after drinking three glasses of brandy and water, said he felt comfortable.

THE prince came in and said 't was cold,

Then put to his head the rummer,

Till swallow after swallow came,

When he pronounced it summer.

FRENCH AND ENGLISH.

THE French have taste in all they do,
Which we are quite without;
For Nature, that to them gave goût,
To us gave only gout.

ERSKINE.

EPIGRAMS BY THOMAS MOORE.

TO SIR HUDSON LOWE.

SIR Hudson Lowe, Sir Hudson Low
(By name, and ah! by nature so),

As thou art fond of persecutions,
Perhaps thou 'st read, or heard repeated,
How Captain Gulliver was treated,

When thrown among the Lilliputians.

They tied him down-these little men did—
And having valiantly ascended

Upon the Mighty Man's protuberance,
They did so strut!-upon my soul,

It must have been extremely droll

To see their pigmy pride's exuberance !

And how the doughty mannikins
Amused themselves with sticking pins

And needles in the great man's breeches;
And how some very little things,

That pass'd for Lords, on scaffoldings

Got up and worried him with speeches.

Alas! alas! that it should happen
To mighty men to be caught napping!-
Though different, too, these persecutions;

For Gulliver, there, took the nap,

While, here, the Nap, oh sad mishap,
Is taken by the Lilliputians!

DIALOGUE

BETWEEN A CATHOLIC DELEGATE AND HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE

DUKE OF CUMBERLAND.

Said his Highness to NED, with that grim face of his, "Why refuse us the Veto, dear Catholic NEDDY ?""Because, sir," said NED, looking full in his phiz,

"You're forbidding enough, in all conscience, already!"

TO MISS

With woman's forın and woman's tricks
So much of man you seem to mix,

One knows not where to take you;
I pray you, if 'tis not too far,
Go, ask of Nature which you are,
Or what she meant to make you.

Yet stay-you need not take the pains-
With neither beauty, youth, nor brains,
For man or maid's desiring:

Pert as female, fool as male,

As boy too green, as girl too stale--
The thing's not worth inquiring!

то

Die when you will, you need not wear
At heaven's court a form more fair

Than Beauty here on earth has given;
Keep but the lovely looks we see—
The voice we hear and you will be

An angel ready-made for heaven!

UPON BEING OBLIGED TO LEAVE A PLEASANT PARTY,

FROM THE WANT OF A PAIR OF BREECHES TO DRESS FOR DINNER IN.

Between Adam and me the great difference is,

Though a paradise each has been forced to resign,

That he never wore breeches till turn'd out of his,

While, for want of my breeches, I'm banish'd from mine.

WHAT'S MY THOUGHT LIKE?

Quest.-Why is a Pump like Viscount CASTLEREAGH?
Answ.-Because it is a slender thing of wood,
That up and down its awkward arm doth sway,
And coolly spout, and spout, and spout away,
In one weak, washy, everlasting flood!