SECTION X.

A FURTHER DIGRESSION.*

IT is an unanswerable argument of a very refined age, the wonderful civilities that have passed of late years between the nation of authors and that of readers. There can hardly pop out a play, a pamphlet, or a poem, without a preface full of acknowledgment to the world for the general reception and applause they have given it, which the Lord. knows where, or when, or how, or from whom it received. In due deference to so laudable a custom, I do here return my humble thanks to his Majesty, and both Houses of Parliament; to the Lords of the King's Most Honourable Privy Council; to the reverend the judges; to the clergy and gentry and

* This section has in former editions been entitled A Tale of a Tub; but the tale not being continued till Section XI., and this being only a further digression, no apology can be thought necessary for making the title correspond with the contents.-Hawkes.

+ This is literally true, as we may observe in the prefaces to most plays, poems, &c.

yeomanry of this land: but in a more especial manner to my worthy brethren and friends at Wills' coffee-house, and Gresham College, and Warwick Lane, and Moorfields, and Scotland Yard, and Westminster Hall, and Guildhall: in short, to all inhabitants and retainers whatsoever, either in court, or church, or camp, or city, or country, for their generous and universal acceptance of this divine treatise. I accept their approbation and good opinion with extreme gratitude, and to the utmost of my poor capacity, shall take hold of all opportunities to return the obligation.

I am also happy that fate has flung me into so blessed an age for the mutual felicity of booksellers and authors, whom I may safely affirm to be at this day the only two satisfied parties in England. Ask an author how his last piece has succeeded? Why, truly, he thanks his stars the world has been very favourable, and he has not the least reason to complain. And yet he swears he writ it in a week, at fits and starts, when he would steal an hour from his urgent affairs; as it is a hundred to one you may see farther in the preface, to which he refers you, and for the rest to the booksellers. There you go as a customer, and make the same question: he blesses his God the thing takes wonderfully; he is just printing the second edition, and has but three left in his shop. You beat down the price; "Sir, we shall not differ" and in hopes of your custom another time

lets you have it as reasonable as you please: “And pray send as many of your acquaintance as you will; I shall, upon your account, furnish them all at the same rate."

Now, it is not well enough considered to what accident and occasions the world is indebted for the greatest part of those noble writings which hourly start up to entertain it. If it were not for a rainy day, a drunken vigil, a fit of the spleen, a course of physic, a sleepy Sunday, an ill run at dice, a long tailor's bill, a beggar's purse, a factious head, a hot sun, costive diet, want of books, and a just contempt of learning-but for these events, I say, and some others too long to recite (especially a prudent neglect of taking brimstone inwardly), I doubt not the number of authors and of writings would dwindle away to a degree most woful to behold. To confirm this opinion, hear the words of the famous Troglodyte, philosopher. "It is certain," said he, "some grains of folly are of course annexed as part of the composition of human nature; only, the choice is left us whether we please to wear them inlaid or embossed: and we need not go very far to seek how that is usually determined, when we remember it is with human faculties as with liqours, the lightest will be ever at the top."

There is in this famous island of Britain a certain paltry scribbler, very voluminous, whose character the reader cannot wholly be a stranger to. He

deals in a pernicious kind of writings called second parts, and usually passes under the name of the author of the first., I easily foresee that, as soon as I lay down my pen, this nimble operator will have stolen it, and treat me as inhumanly as he hath already done Dr. Blackmore, L'Estrange, and many others who shall be here nameless. I therefore fly for justice and relief into the hands of that great rectifier of saddles* and lover of mankind, Dr. Bentley, begging he will take this enormous grievance into his most modern consideration; and if it should so happen that the furniture of an ass, in the shape of a second part, must for my sins be clapped by a mistake upon my back, that he will immediately please, in the presence of the world, to lighten me of the burden, and take it home to his own house till the true beast thinks fit to call for it.

In the meantime, I do here give this public notice, that my resolutions are to circumscribe within this discourse the whole stock of matter I have been so many years providing. Since my vein is once opened, I am content to exhaust it all at a running, for the peculiar advantage of my dear country, and for the universal benefit of mankind. Therefore, hospitably considering the number of my guests, they shall have my whole entertainment at a meal, and I scorn to set up the leavings in the cupboard. What

* Alluding to the trite phrase, "Place the saddle on the right horse." -Hawkes.

the guest cannot eat may be given to the poor, and the dogs under the table may gnaw the bones.* This I understand for a more generous proceeding than to turn the company's stomach by inviting them again to-morrow to a scurvy meal of scraps.

If the reader fairly considers the strength of what I have advanced in the foregoing section, I am convinced it will produce a wonderful revolution in his notions and opinions, and he will be abundantly better prepared to receive and to relish the concluding part of this miraculous treatise. Readers may be divided into three classes: the superficial, the ignorant, and the learned; and I have with much felicity fitted my pen to the genius and advantage of each. The superficial reader will be strangely provoked to laughter, which clears the breast and the lungs, is sovereign against the spleen, and the most innocent of all diuretics. The ignorant reader, between whom and the former the distinction is extremely nice, will find himself disposed to stare, which is an admirable remedy for ill eyes, serves to raise and enliven the spirits, and wonderfully helps perspiration. But the reader truly learned, chiefly for whose benefit I wake when others sleep, and sleep when others wake, will here find sufficient matter to employ his speculations for the rest of his life. It were much to be wished, and I do hereby humbly propose for an ex

By dogs the author means common, injudicious critics, as he explains it himself before, in his Digression upon Critics.