Abbildungen der Seite
PDF
EPUB

of a Jacobite that sate next me, took me by the hand, and said,-Sir, you are a man of honour, and a true Englishman, and I should be glad to be better acquainted with you; and so he pulled me along with the crowd into the lobby with him, when, I believe, I should have staid where I was.

Unc. Rich. And so, if you had not quite made your fortune before, you have clenched it now.[Aside] Ah. thou head of the Headpieces![Aloud.] How now, what's the matter here?

Re-enter Lady HEADPIECE, Miss BETTY, Colonel COURTLY, Squire HUMPHRY, and MARTILLA, in disorder, some dirty, some lame, some bloody.

Sir Fran. Mercy on us! they are all killed. Miss Bet. Not for a thousand pounds; but we have been all down in the dirt together.

Lady Head. We have had a sad piece of work on't, sir Francis; overturned in the channel as we were going to the playhouse.

Miss Bet. Over and over, papa; had it been coming from the playhouse I should not have cared a farthing.

Sir Fran. But, child, you are hurt, your face is all bloody.

Miss Bet. O sir, my new gown is all dirty. Lady Head. The new coach is all spoiled. Miss Bet. The glasses are all to bits. Lady Head. Roger has put out his arm. Miss Bet. Would he had put out his neck for making us lose the play!

Squire Hum. Poor Martilla has scratched her ittle finger.

Lady Head. And here's the poor colonel, nooody asks what he has done.-I hope, sir, you have got no harm?

Col. Only a little wounded with some pins I met with about your ladyship.

Lady Head. I am sorry anything about me should do you harm.

Col. If it does, madam, you have that about you, if you please, will be my cure. I hope your ladyship feels nothing amiss?

Lady Head. Nothing at all, though we did roll about together strangely.

Col. We did indeed. I'm sure we rolled so, that my poor hands were got once-I don't know where they were got.-But her ladyship I see will pass by slips. [Aside.

Sir Fran. It would have been pity the colonel should have received any damage in his services to the ladies; he is the most complaisant man to 'em, uncle; always ready when they have occasion for him.

Unc. Rich. Then I believe, nephew, they'll never let him want business.

Sir Fran. Oh, but they should not ride the free horse to death neither.-Come, colonel, you'll stay and drink a bottle, and eat a little supper with us, after your misfortune?

Col. Sir, since I have been prevented from attending the ladies to the play, I shall be very proud to obey their commands here at home.

Sir Fran. A prodigious civil gentleman, uncle; and yet as bold as Alexander upon occasion. Unc. Rich. Upon a lady's occasion.

Sir Fran. Ha, ha, you are a wag, uncle! but I believe he'd storm anything.

Unc. Rich. Then I believe your citadel may be in danger. [Axide.

Sir Fran. Uncle, won't you break your rule for once, and sup from home?

Unc. Rich. The company will excuse me, nephew; they'll be freer without me; so good night to them and you.

Lady Head. Good night to you, sir, since you won't stay.-Come, colonel.

Unc. Rich. [Aside.] Methinks this facetious colonel is got upon a pretty, familiar, easy foot already with the family of the Headpieces-hum.

[Exit,

Sir Fran. Come, my lady, let's all in, and pass the evening cheerfully. And d'ye hear, wife--a word in your ear-I have got a promise of a place in court, of a thousand a-year, he, hem! [Exeunt,

ACT IV..

SCENE I-Lady ARABELLA's Dressing-room. Enter Lady ARabella, as just up, walking pensively to her toilet, followed by TRUSTY.

Lady Ara. Well, sure never woman had such luck!-these devilish dice!-Sit up all night; lose all one's money, and then-how like a hag I look!-[Sits at her toilet, turning her purse inside out.] Not a guinea-worth less by a hundred pounds than I was at one a clock this morning-and then I was worth nothing-what is to be done, Trusty?

::

Trus. I wish I were wise enough to tell you, madam but if there comes in any good company to breakfast with your ladyship, perhaps you may aave a run of better fortune.

Lady Ara. But I han't a guinea to try my fortune. Let me see who was that impertinent man, hat was so saucy last week about money, that I

was forced to promise, once more, he should have what I owed him this morning?

Trus. Oh, I remember, madam; it was your old mercer Shortyard, that you turned off a year ago, because he would trust you no longer.

Lady Ara. That's true; and I think I bid the steward keep thirty guineas out of some money he was paying me, to stop his odious mouth. Trus. Your ladyship did so.

Lady Ara. Prithee, Trusty, run and see whe ther the wretch has got the money yet; if not, tell the steward I have occasion for it myself; run quickly. [TRUSTY runs to the door. Trus. Ah, madam, he's just a-paying it away now, in the hall.

Lady Ara. Stop him! quick, quick, dear Trusty. Trus. Hem, hem, Mr. Moneybag, a word with you quickly.

Mon. [Within.] I'll come presently.

Trus. Presently won't do, you must come this moment.

Mon. I'm but just paying a little money.

Trus. Cods my life, paying money! is the man distracted? Come here, I tell you, to my lady this moment, quick.

Enter MONEYBAG to the door, with a purse in his hand. My lady says, you must not pay the money to-day, there's a mistake in the account, which she must examine; and she's afraid too there was a false guinea or two left in the purse, which might disgrace her. [Twitches the purse from him.] But she's too busy to look for 'em just now, so you must bid Mr. What-d'ye-call-'em come another time. [Exit MONEYBAG.] There they are, madam.-[Gives Lady ARABELLA the money.] The poor things were so near gone they made me tremble. I fancy your ladyship will give me one of those false guineas for good luck.-[Takes a guinea] Thank you, madam.

Lady Ara. Why, I did not bid you take it. Trus. No, but your ladyship looked as if you were just going to bid me, so I took it to save your ladyship the trouble of speaking.

Lady Ara Well, for once-but hark-I think I hear the man making a noise yonder.

Trus. Nay, I don't expect he'll go out of the Louse quietly. I'll listen.

Lady Ara. Do.

[TRUSTY goes to the door. Trus. He's in a bitter passion with poor Moneybag; I believe he'll beat him.-Lord, how he swears!

Lady Ara. And a sober citizen too! that's a shame.

Trus. He says he will speak with you, madam, though the devil held your door.-Lord! he's coming hither full drive, but I'll lock him out.

Lady Ara. No matter, let him come: I'll reason with him.

Trus. But he's a saucy fellow for all that.

Enter SHORTYARD.

What would you have, sir?

Short. I would have my due, mistress.

Trus. That would be to be well cudgelled, master, for coming so familiarly where you should not come.

Lady Ara. Do you think you do well, sir, to intrude into my dressing-room?

Short. Madam. I sold my goods to you in your dressing-room, I don't know why I mayn't ask for my money there.

Lady Ara. You are very short, sir.

Short. Your ladyship won't complain of my patience being so?

Lady Ara. I complain of nothing that ought not to be complained of; but I hate ill manners.

Short. So do I, madam-but this is the seventeenth time I have been ordered to come, with good manners, for my money, to no purpose.

Lady Ara. Your money, man! is that the matter? Why it has lain in the steward's hands this week for you.

Short. Madam, you yourself appointed me to come this very morning for it.

Lady Ara. But why did you come so late then? Short. So late! I came soon enough, I thought. Lady Ara. That thinking wrong makes us liable to a world of disappointments; if you had

[blocks in formation]

Lady Ara. Yes, for you should never think of writing a receipt till the money is in your pocket. Short. Why, I did think 'twas in my pocket.

Trus. Look you, thinking again! Indeed, Mr. Shortyard, you make so many blunders, 'tis impossible but you must suffer by it, in your way of trade. I'm sorry for you, and you'll be undone.

Short. And well I may, when I sell my goods to people that won't pay me for 'em, till the interest of my money eats out all my profit: I sold them so cheap, because I thought I should be paid the next day.

Trus. Why, there again! there's another of your thoughts. Paid the next day! and you han't been paid this twelvemonth, you see.

Short. Oons, I han't been paid at all, mistress.

Lady Ara. Well, tradesmen are strange, unreasonable creatures, refuse to sell people any more things, and then quarrel with 'em because they don't pay for those they have had already. Now, what can you say to that, Mr. Shortyard?

Short. Say! why-'sdeath, madam, I don't know what you talk of, I don't understand your argu

ment.

Lady Ara. Why, what do you understand, man? Short. Why, I understand that I have had above a hundred pounds due to me a year ago; that I came by appointment just now to receive it; that it proved at last to be but thirty instead of a hundred and ten; and that, while the steward was telling even that out, and I was writing the receipt, comes Mrs. Pop here, and the money was gone. But I'll be bantered no longer if there's law in England. Say no more, Shortyard.

[Exit.

Trus. What a passion the poor devil's in! Lady Ara. Why, truly, one can't deny but he has some present cause for a little ill-humour; but when one has things of so much greater consequence on foot, one can't trouble oneself about making such creatures easy; so call for breakfast, Trusty, and set the hazard-table ready; if there comes no company I'll play a little by myself.

Enter Lord LOVERULE,

Lord Love. Pray what offence, madam, have you given to a man I met with just now as I came in ?

Lady Ara. People who are apt to take offence do it for small matters, you know.

Lord Love. I shall be glad to find this so; but he says that you have owed him above a hundred pounds this twelvemonth; that he has been here forty times by appointment for it, to no purpose; and that coming here this morning upon positive assurance from yourself, he was tricked out of the money while he was writing a receipt for it, and sent away without a farthing.

Lady Ara. Lord, how these shopkeepers will lie!

Lord Love. What then is the business? For some ground the man must have to be in such a passion.

Lady Ara. I believe you'll rather wonder to see

me so calm, when I tell you he had the insolence to intrude into my very dressing-room here, with a story without a head or tail.-You know, Trusty, we could not understand one word he said, but when he swore-good Lord! how the wretch did swear!

Trus. I never heard the like, for my part. Lord Love. And all this for nothing? Lady Ara. So it proved, my lord, for he got nothing by it.

Lord Love. His swearing I suppose was for his money, madam. Who can blame him?

Lady Ara. If he swore for money he should be put in the pillory.

Lord Love. Madam, I won't be bantered, nor sued by this man for your extravagances. Do you owe him the money or not?

Lady Ara. He says I do, but such fellows will say anything.

Lord Love. [Aside.] Provoking!- [Aloud.] Did not I desire an account from you, of all your debts, but six months since, and give you money to clear them?

Lady Ara. My lord, you can't imagine how accounts make my head ache.

Lord Love. That won't do. The steward gave you two hundred pounds besides but last week; where's that?

Lady Ara. Gone.

Lord Love. Gone! where ?

Lady Ara. Half the town over I believe by this time.

Lord Love. Madam, madam, this can be endured no longer! and before a month passes expect to sud

me

Lady Ara. Hist, my lord, here's company.
Enter Captain TOUPEE.

Captain Toupee, your servant; what, nobody with you? do you come quite alone?

Capt. 'Slife, I thought to find company enough here. My lord, your servant.-What a deuse, you look as if you had been up all night. I'm sure I was in bed but three hours; I would vou'd give me some coffee.

colate.

ladyship's sake, and those who have now and ther the honour to win a hundred pounds of you.

[Goes to the table singing and throws. Lady Ara. [Twitching the box from him.| What, do you intend to win all the money upon the table ?-Seven's the main-set me a million, Toupee.

Capt. I set you two, my queen-six to seven!
Lady Ara. Six.-The world's my own.
Both. Ha! ha! ha!

Lady Ara. Oh, that my lord had but spirit enough about him to let me play for a thousand pounds a night-but here comes country company.

Enter Lady HEADPIECE, Miss BETTY, Mrs. MOTHERLY, and Colonel COURTLY.

Your servant, madam, good morrow to you. Lady Head. And to you, madam, we are come to breakfast with you. Lord, are you got to those [Points to the dice. pretty things already!

Lady Ara. You see we are not such idle folks in town as you country ladies take us to be; we are no sooner out of our beds, but we are at our work. Miss Bet. Will dear lady Arabella give us leave, mother, to do a stitch or two with her? [Takes the box and throws.

Capt. The pretty lively thing!
Lady Ara. With all her heart; what says your

mama?

Lady Head. She says, she don't love to sit with her hands before her, when other people's are employed.

Capt. And this is the prettiest little sociable work, men and women can all do together at it. Lady Head. Colonel, you are one with us, are you not?

Lady Ara. O, I'll answer for him, he'll be out at nothing.

Capt. In a facetious way; he is the politest person; he will lose his money to the ladies so civilly, and will win theirs with so much good breeding; and he will be so modest to 'em before company, Ha! and so impudent to 'em in a dark corner. colonel !

Lady Head. So I found him, I'm sure, last

Lady Ara. Some coffee there, tea too, and cho-nignt.-Mercy on me, an ounce of virtue less than I had, and sir Francis had been undone. [Exit TRUSTY. Capt. Colonel, I smoke you. Capt. [Singing a minuet and dancing.] Well, what a strange fellow am I to be thus brisk, after losing all my money last night!—But upon my soul you look sadly.

Lady Ara. No matter for that, if you'll let me win a little of your money this morning.

Capt. What, with that face? Go, go wash it, go wash it, and put on some handsome things; you looked a good likely woman last night; I would not much have cared if you had run five hundred pounds in my debt; but if I play with you this morning, egad I'd advise you to win, for I won't take your personal security at present for a guinea.

Lord Love. [Aside.] To what a nauseous freedom do women of quality of late admit these trifling fops? and there's a morning exercise will give 'em claim to greater freedoms still.-[Points to the hazard-table.] Some course must be taken. ¡Exit.

Capt. What, is my lord gone? He looked methought as if he did not delight much in my company. Well, peace and plenty attend him for your

Col. And a fine character you give the ladies of me, to help me.

Capt. I give 'em just the character of you they like, modest and brave.-Come ladies, to business; look to your money, every woman her hand upon her purse.

Miss Bet. Here's mine, captain.

Capt. Oh, the little soft velvet one !—and it's as full.-Come, lady Blowze, rattle your dice and away with 'em.

Lady Ara. Six-at all-five to six-five-eight -at all again-nine to eight-nine.

Enter Sir FRANCIS, and stands gazing at them. Seven's the main-at all for ever! [Throws out. Miss Bet. Now, mama, let's see what you can do. [Lady HEADPIECE takes the boz. Lady Head. Well, I'll warrant you, daughter. Miss Bet. If you do, I'll follow a good example. Lady Head. Eight's the main-don't spare me, gentlemen, I fear you not-have at you all-seven to eight-seven.

I I

Cupt. Eight, lady, eight.-Five pounds if you please.

Lady Ara. Three, kinswoman.

Col. Two, madam.

Miss Bet. And one for miss, mama.-And now let's see what I can do -[Aside.] If I should win enough this morning to buy me another new gown - bless me! there they go !-Seven!-Come captain, set me boldly, I want to be at a handful.

Capt. There's two for you, miss.

Miss Bet. I'll at 'em, though I die for't. Sir Fran. Ah my poor child, take care! [Runs to stop the throw.

Miss Bet. There.

Capt. Out-twenty pounds, young lady.
Sir Fran. False dice, sir.

Capt. False dice, sir! I scorn your words.Twenty pounds, madam.

Miss Bet. Undone! undone !
Sir Fran. She shan't pay you a farthing, sir; }

won't have miss cheated.

Capt. Cheated, sir!

Lady Head. What do you mean, sir Francis, to disturb the company, and abuse the gentleman thus?

Sir Fran. I mean to be in a passion.

Lady Head. And why will you be in a passion, sir Francis?

Sir Fran. Because I came here to breakfast with my lady there, before I went down to the House, expecting to find my family set round a civil table with her, upon some plumcake, hot rolls, and a cup of strong beer; instead of which, I find these good women staying their stomachs with a box and dice, and that man there, with the strange periwig, making a good hearty meal upon my wife and daughter

CETERA DESUNT.

THE

DRAMATIC WORKS

OF

GEORGE FARQUHAR.

112

« ZurückWeiter »