in my friend's house, but he is always in Tristram Shandy's where my friends say he will continue (and I hope the prophecy true for my own immortality), even when he himself is no more. I have had a lucrative winter's campaign here Shandy sells well I am taxing the public with two more volumes of Sermons, which will more than double the gains of Shandy It goes into the world with a prancing list de toute la noblesse · which will bring me in three hundred pounds, exclusive of the sale of the copy so that with all the contempt of money which ma façon de penser has ever impressed on me, I shall be rich in spite of myself: but I scorn, you must know, in the high ton I take at present, to pocket all this trash I set out to lay a portion of it out in the service of the world, in a tour round Italy, where I shall spring game or the deuce is in the dice. In the beginning of September I quit England, that I may avail myself of the time of vintage, when all nature is joyous, and so saunter philosophically for a year or so, on the other side the Alps. I hope your pilgrimages have brought Mrs. Garrick and yourself back à la fleur de jeunesse May you both long feel the sweets of it, and your friends with you Do, dear friend, make my kindest wishes and compliments acceptable to the best and wisest of the daughters of Eve You shall ever believe, and ever find me affectionately yours, L. STERNE. Bath, April 6, 1765. I SCALP you! my dear Garrick! my dear friend! foul befal the man who hurts a hair of your head! and so full was I of that very sentiment that my letter had not been put into the post-office ten minutes, before my heart smote me; and I sent to recal it but failed you are sadly to blame, Shandy! for this, quoth I, leaning with my head on my hand, as I recriminated upon my false delicacy in the affair Garrick's nerves (if he has any left) are as fine and delicately spun as thy own his sentiments as honest and friendly thou knowest, Shandy, that he loves thee why wilt thou hazard him a moment's pain? Puppy! fool, coxcomb, jack-ass, &c. &c. and so I balanced the account to your favour, before I received it drawn up in your way I say your way for it is not stated so much to your honour and credit as I had passed the account before for it was a most lamented truth that I never received one of the letters your friendship meant me, except whilst in Paris. Oh! how I congratulate you for the anxiety the world has, and continues to be under, for your return Return, return, to the few who love you, and the thousands who admire you. The moment you set your foot upon yon stage mark! I tell it you by some magic irresistible power, every fibre about your heart will vibrate afresh, and as strong and feelingly as ever Nature, with glory at her back, will light up the torch within you and there is enough of it left to heat and enlighten the world these many, many, many years. Heaven be praised! (I utter it from my soul) that your lady, and my Minerva, is in a condition to walk to Windsor full rapturously will I lead the graceful pilgrim to the temple, where I will sacrifice with the purest incense to her but you may worship with me, or not 'twill make no difference either in the truth or warmth of my devotion still (after all I have seen) I still maintain her peerless. Powel! good Heaven! give me some one with less smoke and more fire. There are who, like the Pharisees, still think they shall be heard for much speaking come away, my dear Garrick, and teach - Come us another lesson. Adieu! I love you dearly and your lady better not hobbyhorsically - but most sentimentally and affectionately for I am yours (that is, if you never say another word about ―) with all the sentiments of love and friendship you deserve from me, LVII. TO MR. FOLEY. L. STERNE. MY DEAR FOLEY, Bath, April 15, 1765. My wife tells me she has drawn for one hundred pounds, and 'tis fit that you should be paid it that mithe money is now in Becket's hands nute - send me, my dear Foley, my account, that I may discharge the balance to this time, and know what to leave in your hands. I have made a good campaign of it this year in the field of the literati my two volumes of Tristram, and two of Sermons, which I shall print very soon, will bring me a considerable sum. Almost all the nobility in England honour me with their names, and 'tis thought it will be the largest and most splendid list which ever pranced before a book, since subscrip tions came into fashion. Pray present my most sincere compliments to Lady H-, whose name I hope to insert with many others. As so many men of genius favour me with their names also, I will quarrel with Mr. Hume, and call him Deist, and what not, unless I have his name too. My love to Lord W-. Your name, Foley, I have put in as a free-will offering of my labours, your list of subscribers you will send 'tis but a crown for sixteen sermons Dog cheap! but I am in quest of honour, not money. Adieu, adieu, believe me, dear Foley, Yours truly, At this moment I am sitting in my summerhouse with my head and heart full, not of my Uncle Toby's amours with the Widow Wadman, but my Sermons and your letter has drawn me out of a pensive mood the spirit of it pleaseth me, but, in this solitude, what can I tell or write to you but about myself? I am glad that you are in love, 'twill cure you at least of the spleen, which has a bad effect both on man and woman I myself must ever have some Dulcinea in my head, it harmonizes the soul and in those cases I first endeavour to make the lady believe so, rather I begin first to make myself believe that I am in love, but I carry on my affairs quite in the French way, sentimentally "l'amour," (say they) "n'est rien sans Now notwithstanding they make such a sentiment." -- she is pother about the word, they have no precise idea annexed to it And so much for that same subject called love. I must tell you how I have just treated a French gentleman of fortune in France, who took a liking to my daughter. Without any ceremony (having got my direction from my wife's banker) he wrote me word that he was in love with my daughter, and desired to know what fortune I would give her at present, and how much at my death by the bye, I think there was very little sentiment on his side. My answer was, "Sir, I shall give her ten thousand pounds on the day of marriage my calculation is as follows not eighteen, you are sixty-two there goes five thousand pounds then, Sir, you at least think her not ugly she has many accomplishments, speaks Italian, French, plays upon the guitar, and as I fear you play upon no instrument whatever, I think you will be happy to take her at my terms, for here finishes the account of the ten thousand pounds." I do not suppose but he will take this as I mean, that is, a flat refusal. I have had a parsonage-house burnt down by the carelessness of my curate's wife; as soon as I can I must rebuild it, I trow, but I lack the means at present yet I am never happier than when I have not a shilling in my pocket-for when I have I can never call it my own. Adieu, my dear friend, may you enjoy better health than me, though not better spirits, for that is impossible. Yours sincerely, My compliments to the Colonel. L. STERNE. |